


I can't quit you!

by AngelDove



Series: The youtube series [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Castiel (Supernatural) Works at Gas-N-Sip, Castiel and Dean have an affair, Choose Your Own Ending, Darker AngelDove Youtube Video, Dean Winchester Dies, Dean Winchester Works in an Office, Embedded Video, F/M, Fluff, Happy or sad ending you choose, M/M, Smut, WIP, Work In Progress, based on a youtube video
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-03-21 19:11:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 51,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13747455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelDove/pseuds/AngelDove
Summary: Dean Winchester is good at his job, that's why he was the man sent to make deals with CEO'S, for product placements in their retail stores.Castiel is a CEO at Gas N Sip, Making deals with companies to place their merchandise was apart of what he did, although he much preferred to be hands on rather than dealing with the paper work and the sales pitches; until of course he met Dean Winchester.*Summary and Tags to be updated**You make the choice for happy or sad ending





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off a YouTube video I created, I thought I might as well write some fics for the AU's. Although editing comes more naturally to me than writing, I hope this explains more about the video and what I was imagining when I edited the video. ❤ links to both videos at the bottom of chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter begins at the first meeting of Castiel and Dean, a while before the story in the video starts out. <3

 

The Foyer of the hotel was packed with businessmen, and Dean sighed, another full week of meetings and gatherings and expos. Every year the company sent him to it, every year he tried to charm his way out of it, but the Dick boss insisted every single time that he was the best man for the job, 'the face of the company.'

He sighed as he picked up both his luggage and briefcase and made his way to the reception desk.

Lisa wasn’t happy, and he didn’t blame her; he had been working late for three months, trying to get products onto store shelves. There was a big promotion ready for him if he could snag the 'Gas n Sip' deal.

“Hi, I have a booking for Dean Winchester. “ He smiled politely at the receptionist and turned around to scan the room; wondering which one was ‘Castiel Novak’.

He had a meeting first thing in the morning, and he wanted to find out just who he would have to try to charm the pants off; however, there was very little chance of actually spotting the man since the foyer was filled with at least 2 dozen men in suits.

The receptionist cleared his throat, and he turned back around, “Here’s your key, sir, you’re in room three-sixty-eight. Carl will take your luggage.”

The man raised his hand, and Dean shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, I can carry these myself.” He waved the concierge off and took his key.

He had been in the same hotel for a decade, and nothing much changed about the place. He strode to the elevators and pressed to call it down and as he waited for the elevator,  more businessmen came to stand beside him; he glanced in their direction and then turned as the elevator doors opened.

He filed in behind the other three and patiently waited for the doors to close; he suddenly lurched forward and pressed the button to keep the door open, while he watched a disheveled looking man juggle his bags under his arms; rushing towards them; puffing and panting a little.

Dean stepped aside to let him in and looked back to the buttons. The man smiled, “Thanks, ” he said; sounding grateful.

“Which floor?” he asked the disheveled man. “Eleventh."

“Ah, the same floor as me.” He replied and stepped back as the doors closed.

The two of the other men stepped out of the elevator on the fifth floor and the last one on the sixth, which left him and the disheveled man standing to face each other. He smiled and held out his hand,  “I’m Dean Winchester.”

The man reached out to take it, “Castiel Novak, I believe we have a meeting tomorrow.”

At the mention of his name, Dean's interest peaked,  “I believe we do. Are you here all week?”

Castiel shook his head; frowning, “Unfortunately I’m here for two weeks. “ then he sighed.  
Dean looked at him quizzically; tilting his head a little.

Castiel shrugged. “My wife isn’t too happy.” He explained.

Dean nodded, “Yeah, tell me about it; my wife isn’t either.”

Castiel smiled sympathetically, then looked back at the elevator doors as it stopped at their floor. Dean picked up his bags and gestured for Castiel to go first, and then moved out into the corridor.

Castiel paused, and then turned back and held out his hand, “It was nice to meet you, Mr. Winchester, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Dean took his hand and shook it,“you bet.”He let go and turned in the direction of his room.

He found his room further down the corridor and as he put his cases on to the ground and straightened, he found Castiel standing at the door to the room next to his and he nodded as Castiel looked over at him, and then pushed his door open and stepped inside.

The deal and promotion were in the bag if he read Castiel right; bonus too, if he managed to snag the deal with Walgreen, that would help pay their mortgage and put aside a college fund for Ben.

He put his bag down on his bed and strode over to the mini bar and took out a beer; the best part of these work trips were that it was all expenses paid by the company. He twisted the cap and moved to pick up his mobile and then sat in the lounge room that overlooked the city and dialed Lisa’s number.  
“Hey, babe.” He said as she answered.

“Hey, So you made it there okay?”

“Yeah, but I’m exhausted; the flight wasn’t too bad though, just took a while to get out. “

“Ben hoped you would say goodbye to him before you left this morning.” Lisa’s voice turned hard and Dean looked at the ceiling; awaiting the berating he knew he was going to get from her about it.

“I know; I was late leaving so I had to rush out the door. Can you give him a hug from me and tell him I’m sorry?”

The line was quiet and Dean waited patiently. “Fine. Dean, this job, it’s becoming your mistress. We- Ben never gets to see you, and you’ve missed two Junior Baseball games.”.

Dean sighed and rubbed his hand over his face and leaned forward.  “I know. I’m sorry, but if we want to keep our house and cars, it’s what I need to do. I either do this or I lose my job and then where will we be? If I can snag this deal and the other one, we’re set. I get that promotion, and I’ll be home by 5 every night; no more weeks away, no more overtime.  Isn’t this what we’ve been working towards?  It’s about to pay off. I promise.“

  
 Lisa remained quiet for some time before she sighed, “fine, when do you get back, Friday or Saturday?”

He relaxed back into the sofa, glad that Lisa's tone was back to normal, “Saturday, my plane lands at eight PM.”

 “Ben wants to talk to you,” she said; her cold tone back, and he frowned; she was still pissed at him.

“Okay, put him on.” He said as he sighed.

“Hey, Dad!” Ben shouted cheerfully through the phone.

“Woah! Dial it down, you know, your old man needs both ears to listen to mom, or she might just swap me for a newer model. “ He grinned as his son giggled.

“Hey Dad, I got a home run today!”

“Really? Awesome!” Dean paused for a second, “You know Ben... I would have been there today if I could have gotten out of this, you know that right?”

“Uh huh, I know dad. I just miss you a lot.”

Dean felt his heart drop, “I know buddy, I miss you a lot too, but hey, after this week, if it goes well, I’ll be at every one of your games!”

“Yeah, I know dad, "

Dean looked down and shook his head; this week had better come through for him.

“So, was school good today?”

“Yeah, I got eighty-three percent on the math test, and mom’s going to take me out to chalky cheese!”

“Wow,  that’s awesome!  Listen, Ben, I got to go, but I’ll call you tomorrow night, Okay?”

“Okay! “ Ben replied cheerfully, and Dean smiled.

“Good, now put your mom back on the phone, so I can say goodbye.”

Ben shouted out to Lisa, and Dean waited for Ben to put the phone back to his ear. “Ben, behave for mom and do your homework. “ Ben said he would and then handed the phone to Lisa.

“I’m going to go take a shower and then settle for the night. I’ll call tomorrow night, okay?”

Lisa was quiet for some time and then agreed, and he said goodbye before hanging up.

He ran his hands over his face; He wished that she would understand that this was hard for him too, it wasn’t like he had an easy childhood with his father running off and drinking every time Dean turned around, he knew how important it was to be there for Ben, but sacrifices had to be made, and even then he was still there every night after work, he didn’t go off on a bar crawl and forget to come home.

 He got up and unpacked his bag and then took a shower. He wanted to go down to the bar for a while, scope out the competition for the deals, maybe he could find more companies interested in stocking their products. After all, he was given the consultation position because he took the initiative and got them deals they didn’t even know existed.

He washed and dried quickly and left the room to head to the bar, as he reached the elevator, he found himself face to face with Castiel.  
“Going down?” Castiel asked, holding the door open for him.

He smiled as he nodded and stepped into the elevator and stood beside him.  
“Are you going to the bar?" Dean inquired.

Castiel nodded,”I assume that’s where you are going?”

Dean nodded, “Yep, need it after the conversation I just had.”

Castiel nodded; seeming to understand just ‘what ‘ conversation he was referring to.

They remained silent during the rest of the way down, and once they reached the ground floor, Castiel gestured for Dean to go first. Dean thanked him and stepped out of the elevator and strode across the lobby to the bar.

  
He found a stool next to the bar and sat down and ordered a whiskey and then sipped it while he took in the room.

He was surprised not to see as many suits as he usually would, there were a lot more couples, and he felt a little out of place but soon shrugged it off after he ordered another drink.

He scanned the room again until his eyes landed on Castiel, he was sitting around a table, staring into his drink, and he hesitated for a moment before he picked up his glass and moved away from the bar and towards Castiel’s table.

“Is this seat free, or are you waiting for someone?” He asked; showing his pearly whites, Castiel startled for a moment, seemingly in his own world and then nodded; gesturing to the seat opposite him.

“No, it’s just me, please, take a seat.” Castiel straightened in his seat and picked up his own glass and took a sip.

Dean watched him for a while before he licked his lips and decided to break the silence. “You look like you’re going to your execution tomorrow.” He observed, and Castiel smiled wearily at him.

“No, but I might be when I get back from this trip.” He didn’t say anything else, and Dean didn’t prod for details.

“So, I know this probably is against the rules, but, just curious, do you have many others wanting to give you their sales pitch?” Dean licked his lips; this could either break the ice, or break any possibility of the deal; Castiel didn’t seem like someone who would cancel a meeting over it, but it was always a gamble.

Castiel shrugged. “There’s a few.”

Dean waited for him to say more, but after a short time when it didn’t seem like anything else was going to follow, “You don’t seem like the CEO type, I mean, I’m not saying you don’t seem like you could, just that you don’t seem at all comfortable.” Dean probed.

Castiel chuckled and then shrugged. “That’s because I don’t usually take meetings about products. I am more a hands-on person; I spend most of my time in the 'Gas and Sip' stations, seeing how things are running in them. I leave the CEO work to those who want to sit in stuffy offices, but I have to go in and do my duties every now and then. “Castiel looked up and frowned, “I’m not sure why I’m even telling you all this, you seem like someone who enjoys being front and center; meeting clients, wining and dining,” Castiel smirked at him and Dean felt a little offended.

“Is that so?” Dean retorted, biting back a snarky comment; he couldn’t blow the deal.

Castiel’s smile faltered and dropped his eyes to his lap. “My apologies if I offended you, it wasn’t my intention; I just mean; you seem like you enjoy the thrill of it. “ Castiel gestured at the room around them and then to Dean.

  
Dean shook his head and thought about it for a second before he spoke, “That’s not entirely correct. I do enjoy the perks of gaining deals sure, like bonuses, raises; but I don’t enjoy it taking me away from my family a lot of the time, but my wife and son  deserve more than what I had-“ Dean stopped as he realized he was saying too much about his personal life.

Castiel raised his eyebrow, “You have a son?”

Dean nodded.

Castiel smiled. “I have two daughters;  Emily and Claire. “  He looked down at his trench coat and then looked back up into Dean’s eyes. “I understand what it’s like to suffer as a child, I also understand why you would want the best for your family, it’s why I’m here for the next two weeks. Tell me, Mr. Winchester, what will this deal with my company give you and your family?”

Dean watched Castiel for a moment, licking his lips again; trying to read his body language and his motive, “ A promotion, it means less overtime, fewer business trips; more time to spend with my son.” He finished with a grimace; it bothered him that he wasn’t there for Ben’s baseball game.

Castiel squinted his eyes and watched him for a moment and then nodded and looked around him before he leaned in and gestured for Dean to lean in a little more.

“When we meet tomorrow, you should make sure you have your presentation together, specifically the projected figures and stock flow, what I need to see is how much the ‘Gas and Sip’ will profit from your products, how popular the brand is and also how much per unit.  It would be fruitless to take stock that won’t sell. “ Castiel looked around him again, “If you have all that with you and the figures are substantial, then maybe we can make a deal, but you must not tell others that I’ve told you this, my head is on the line.”

Dean nodded and leaned back and watched the man for a moment a little suspicious, “Why?”

Castiel raised his brow again and leaned back himself, “Why what?”

  
“Why tell me all this?”

  
“As I mentioned, I know what it’s like growing up without much, you seem like a hard-working family man, if the promotion gives you and your family more time together, and financial benefits, why not? Most of these men, “Castiel gestured to the few in the bar and then looked back to Dean. “Don’t need the money, or they don’t have families, and the ones that do, don’t care enough to spend time with them. They enjoy these… business trips a little too much. You, however, do it so you can give your family a better future. So why not?”

“Okay, so I’ll bring my ‘A game’ to the meeting, although I usually try to do that anyways. “ Dean felt some relief, maybe this will be a good week.

He smiled and raised his glass to Castiel and waited for the other man to lift his and then knocked back the drink.

“Well, if you’ll excuse me, I need to turn in; I have an early-morning meeting tomorrow.” Castiel winked and then stood up from his seat and Dean followed, holding out his hand.

“I will see you first thing.” Dean grinned and then watched as Castiel made his way out of the bar before he sat back down.

 

Dean ordered another three beers and then went back to his room and fell onto the bed, fully clothed and fell asleep, the day traveling was exhausting and by morning, he groaned when his belt buckle had shifted and dug into his pelvis bone.

He glanced over at his clock and then pushed himself out of the bed and into his bathroom. He turned the taps on in the shower and moved back to the mirror; picked up his electric shaver and began shaving the new growth that had sprung up overnight. He picked up his toothbrush and toothpaste and stepped under the shower; he didn’t have time to do them both separately; he had forty-five minutes to dress, have at least two coffee’s and then meet Cas-Mr. Novak in the lobby of the hotel.

He washed and then stepped out and yanked the towel from the rail and stepped back into his room, feeling semi-functional. He went into the kitchen and turned the kettle on and turned back to his bedroom to get dressed in his suit and then pulled out his briefcase to make sure he had everything he needed.

He made himself a coffee and sat at the kitchen counter and went through the sales pitch he would be using in the meeting, and when he looked up at the clock some twenty minutes later, he slid from the stool, grabbed his briefcase and left the hotel room. He straightened his tie as he briskly walked to the elevator and waited impatiently for it to rise to his floor; cursing beneath his breath as it stalled on the sixth floor for what felt like an eternity.

He breathed out a sigh of relief as the doors opened, and he stepped inside; Thankful there was nobody else on it. He punched in the ground floor and buttoned his jacket, then adjusted his tie again. He hated suits, but that’s one thing no one could fault him on; being appropriately presentable for his job. He checked his watch as the elevator doors opened; he had five minutes left, and he stepped out hastily and moved into the lobby where he found Castiel sitting waiting for him.

Castiel noticed him as he approached and stood up and smoothed out his trench coat. His hair seemed to stick up in places in defiance of the gel that seemed to be making the other parts stick to his head. Dean smiled and extended his hand. “Good morning, Mr. Novak.” He cheerfully greeted and Castiel took his hand in a firm shake, and nodded, “Good morning, Mr. Winchester.”

Dean observed the stiff business tone; no trace of the man he spent time with at the bar. He cleared his throat,  “Shall we?” he gestured to the doors that exited the hotel.

Castiel nodded but didn’t move, and Dean took that as a sign that he should lead the way. He walked out onto the city street and turned; waiting for Castiel to step out onto the sidewalk, and then he gestured down the street and started walking.

Castiel walked beside him; looking about at the department stores that sprawled out for what seemed endlessly down the street.

Dean peered over at the other man and watched him for a moment before he explained where they were going. There was a small diner he used to go to frequently when he was younger, the owners knew him well, and he knew it would be quiet in the back room where Bobby and Ellen allowed him to conduct business meetings when he was in town.  It wasn’t conventional; usually, they would meet in an office somewhere, but he liked adding his own personal touch to his meetings by taking them to a family-run diner where the atmosphere was relaxed; not to mention the amazing pie and coffee Ellen made.

They remained relatively silent on the block walk to the diner; he glanced every now and then over to the other man; who appeared to be in his own world, and once they reached the diner he smiled and opened the door; gesturing for Castiel to step in first and then waved to Ellen.

Ellen rushed over and greeted Dean with a warm hug and then showed them through to the back and handed them a menu each. Dean didn’t need the menu, but he took it anyways and thanked her.

This was when the nerves kicked in, every time without fail and Ellen squeezed his shoulder subtly while Castiel turned and placed his own briefcase on the seat beside him, and then pulled off his trench coat and placed it over the top of it.  He turned back to him, and Dean was off guard to see deep-blue eyes watching him; had they been so blue yesterday?

In the dimmed light from the hotel, it wasn’t at all noticeable, but in the bright lights around the room they were in, they seemed to peer into him, and it made him feel uncomfortable enough that he forgot what he was going to say to open his presentation.

 He licked his lips and looked down at his briefcase; deciding to get out the papers he wanted to show him first; allowing him the time to settle himself.  
   
As he straightened the papers and handed a copy to Castiel to look over, Ellen stepped through with two mugs of coffee with a smile and left quietly again.

Castiel silently began to read the papers and Dean cleared his throat; feeling his usual confidence slipping away with every second that past.

“So, um, this is an outline of the profits that other businesses have reportedly gained through selling our merchandise. If you notice in July of last year, sales increased by 5% and by February this year, they increased over 20% of the originally projected outlook. “

Castiel glanced up over the papers and watched him for a moment before turning his attention back to the paper and turning to the next page.  
“This one, um, this is the profit margin we expect to see, if the 'Gas N Sip' went ahead and stocked our merchandise, and how much it could rise up to; if the current figures continue increasing steadily.”

Castiel nodded, but otherwise remained silent and then flipped to the next page. “This is how much they will cost per unit; the unit contains two dozen of the product you choose to stock. “

Dean continued to explain as Castiel read through each page; feeling his palms becoming more and more sweaty as the meeting went on.

When Castiel finally read the last page, he placed it onto the table and picked up his coffee and took a few sips as he stared at Dean; which made him uncomfortable and had the urge to squirm under his stare.

He waited patiently though, picking up his own mug of coffee; which was now just warm and took several gulps of it, trying to keep himself calm.

Castiel finally broke the silence, which seemed too loud in the quiet of the room. “Mr. Winchester, I appreciate you preparing all this for me to see, what I’m most interested in, is how does 'Gas n Sip' benefit from it? “ Dean started to explain the figures again, but Castiel raised his hand to silence him.

“I can see the margins and projected profits in the future, but that’s not what I’m asking. What makes your product right for our stores, what places it above other products that I might hear about in the coming days?”Dean was stomped, sure he had been asked this many times in the past, but for some reason, he couldn’t think of a reason why; like everything he knew disappeared under that piercing stare.

“Um, well, um, “ he stammered and felt his heart beating wildly in his chest, and he fought the urge to yank on his collar.

“The social and economic studies that have been done have suggested that people are looking for a way to be healthy... and with more traveling; especially for truck drivers in recent times, they have become more conscious of their eating. They still like their roadie food, but our products offer them a more nutritional option; it still tastes like the original, but more nutrients have been packed into them.  The juices have added vitamins too, what makes our products better? We deliver what we promise. “

Dean finished and felt like slouching back in his chair, but he remained upright and straight.

Castiel continued to peer over at him for a moment, and then picked up the papers again and flicked through the pages twice and then lifted his briefcase up and put it on the table in front of him and then straightened the papers and put them inside.

When he closed the suitcase and locked it, he peered back over with a small smile which reached his eyes. “I will need to confer with head office; I will let you know what has been decided by tomorrow. “ He stood up and Dean stood with him as Castiel extended his hand again, Dean shook his hand and then nodded.

Castiel left the room, and Dean fell back into the chair and blew out his relief. He shook his head; frustrated with himself and his performance. In the ten years, he had been doing these business trips, not once had he felt as nervous as he felt with Castiel.

He looked over at the door and smiled when Ellen stepped in. “I just saw him leave, how did it go sugar?” she asked.

“I don’t know.” He admitted, usually he knew by the time the meeting was over, but Castiel was keeping it close to his vest. He didn’t know whether he just gained them a new client or lost them one.

Ellen moved out of the door and was back moments later and slid a plate in front of him, and he grinned; picked up his fork and dug into the pie. “Thanks,” he said around a mouthful of the pie.

Dean Spent the rest of the day sitting behind a table on the expo floor, watching as suited men moved from table to table; asking about the merchandise that was sprawled across the tables and on the poster.

He was so tired of repeating his pitch to the suits. It was the most boring part of the trip; monotonous and he found himself more often than not thinking about the blue eyes of Castiel. It was because he was relying so much on the deal coming through; at least, that’s what he told himself.

By the time night came, he undressed and showered, then fell onto the bed, exhausted and slipping into sleep; forgetting to call his wife.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean awoke to a knock on his door, and he squinted as he turned to check the time; which showed it was nine-thirty; he cursed and shoved the blankets away from himself and quickly pulled the hotel robe around his body and answered the door a little to see who was knocking.

  
“Cas- Mr. Novak?” he squinted; vision still a little blurry.

  
“Mr. Winchester, Am I disturbing you?” He blushed as Castiel looked at him, glancing up and down his body and then returned his attention back to his eyes.

  
“Uh…"  Dean shook his head and opened the door wider, “No, I, um, overslept. Come in please.” Dean replied as he moved away from the door and into his bedroom to get dressed.

  
He heard the door shut and assumed Castiel had stepped inside. “I forgot to set my alarm last night before I fell to sleep. “  He explained as he shoved his shirt over his head and pulled it down over his abdomen, pulled out a pair of track pants from his bag; slipping them on and then walked back out of the room and moved directly to the kitchen; to make a cup of coffee.

He turned the kettle on and turned back to Castiel. “Would you like a coffee?” he asked as he put his own mug on the counter. Castiel shook his head, “No, Thank you; I just thought I should let you know that I just finished a conference call with head office.”

  
Dean stopped what he was doing and looked at the other man; trying to find a hint of the verdict but Castiel’s face was straight, no hint of their decision. “And?’ he licked his bottom lip nervously.

Castiel smiled, “They were impressed with your figures.”

“So? Does that mean its a deal?” he turned to pick up the kettle and turned back to him.

Castiel nodded, “Yes. However, they want to start off with it being stocked in only three states, and if they sell well, we will expand the order to add more stores; they want to do it gradually over time.”

Dean nodded. “ Okay, I will call the company and have the legal guys write up a contract and send them here for you to sign. It might take several days for that to happen.” Dean felt lighter, and he smiled.  
Castiel nodded and put his hand into his pocket and pulled out a card and offered it to Dean.

  
He took it out of his hand and looked down at it, then looked up to Castiel; quizzically. “You can call me when the paperwork has arrived.” He explained as he turned toward the door once Dean nodded, “Okay, will do,” he said, and then watched Castiel leave.

  
He couldn’t wait to tell Lisa, and just like that, a heavy feeling pushed him back to earth. Shit, he forgot to call her. He looked at his watch; it was too late to do it now;  he would have to wait till the evening. He sighed; she was going to be pissed off at him.  
He groaned and poured the water into the cup and then moved over to the window and looked out onto the busy street below. She was going to castrate him; he was already on a fine line with her.

  
He stayed where he was for a while, watching the ground below as he drank his coffee, then he drained the cup he stepped into the bedroom to get dressed. Once he was dressed in something more appropriate to go out in, he picked up his phone and called his boss to tell him the good news.

  
As expected, his boss was happy and promised that when he got back from the trip he would have his own office and a new position within the company.

  
He thanked his boss and hung up; it was going to take until Thursday for the paperwork to be sent over to him, it was Tuesday, and he had nowhere to be; he had a meeting with a CEO from Walgreen on Wednesday, and he had to do the Expo on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday afternoon, then home Saturday.  He had the day free.

  
His thoughts went back to the deal and sighed; he was happy, but it also meant when he went back home, he would still need to put in extra hours to complete the deal; making sure the stock was ordered and delivered, along with the posters, signs and all promotional discounts were placed in clear sight.  He would need to visit all the stores with the area managers; it was going to be a while if the ‘Gas and Sip’ Company wanted to gradually roll it out; which meant more time away from home, more late nights and that all meant there would be more silences from Lisa.

  
However, once that was all done, then it would be finished, he would be ‘Director of Marketing and Sales,’ someone else would do the work he’s been doing.  
He moved into the kitchen and put his cup into the sink as he felt the first pangs of hunger and picked up his keys and wallet and left the room.

  
He considered going into the hotel restaurant for breakfast but then decided to go to visit Ellen and Bobby to tell them the good news.

  
He walked the block and entered the diner; the bell over the door rang; telling Ellen that someone had stepped inside, and she came around from the back to see who it was and smiled.

  
“Pancakes and coffee?” She offered as he stepped in front of the counter, and he nodded. “Well, sit down Hun and I’ll bring it over.” She replied cheerily and moved to the kitchen to prepare his food.

  
He took a seat and looked out the window; watching as shoppers passed by until Ellen pushed a plate and a mug in front of him and then slipped into the bench opposite. “So, have you heard anything? “ 

  
 “Yep, I got the contract.” He beamed at her, and she took his hands in hers and squeezed, “that’s wonderful news! You must come over tonight to celebrate!” she insisted and she turned on her seat, “Bobby, come out here!” she called out, and it wasn’t long before Dean saw Bobby come out from the back, wiping his hand with a towel. “What’s with all the noise?” he feigned annoyance and Ellen smiled, “Dean’s got that contract.” She explained and Bobby looked at her blankly.

She sighed, “The deal I told you about, if he gets the deal, he’ll get that promotion!” She reminded him and Bobby’s expression turned to understanding and then smiled wide at Dean.

  
“That’s good news, son! Congratulations.”

“I told him that he’s gotta come over tonight, have dinner with us.”

 “That’s a good idea. We don’t see you enough. “ Bobby agreed,

Dean nodded his agreement, “Okay, I’ll pop over tonight, but I need to call Lisa first.”

  
“How are they? “ She asked

“Yeah, they’re good, Bens doing well at school and Lisa is-, well, she’s fine.” He said and Ellen raised her eyebrow in question, and Dean sighed, “She’s not happy with me right now, and to top it off, I didn’t call her last night, and I told her I would.”

  
Bobby snorted and walked away shaking his head; disappearing into the back room without saying another word and Ellen glared at the door before turning back.

  
“Pay him no attention. Lisa understands, even if she’s frustrated, she does understand, and she’ll come around.”

Dean watched her for a moment before he agreed, “I know, it’s just hard because we seem to be disagreeing more and more lately, but anyway, how’s Jo going?”

  
Ellen made a displeased sound, and Dean laughed, “what has she done now?” 

  
 “She’s got this stupid idea that she wants to join the police force.”

Dean raised his eyebrow, “And that’s a bad thing?”  
“Yes!” Ellen snapped, “It’s too dangerous; she’ll get herself killed.”

  
Dean watched her for a moment, “Jo’s capable of taking care of herself,” he reminded her, but he could understand her concerns; he’d be concerned about Ben if he decided to join the police.

  
“I don’t want her being killed too,” Ellen muttered.

  
Ellen’s first husband worked on the police force; he died a hero when he used his own body to prevent bullets hitting a pregnant woman. He reached over and took Ellen's hand into his, “Leave it with me. I will try to have a word with her; I can’t promise she’ll listen to me, but I can try.”

  
Ellen smiled, “That would be good. It’s worth a shot; I’ve tried everything else. I know I should be proud of her, but she’s my only child; I can’t lose her.” Ellen squeezed his hand back and stood up as the bell over the door rang.She looked over at the newcomer and slipped behind the counter cheerily greeting them.

  
 Dean picked up his fork and took a bite of the pancake as he heard the newcomer’s deep voice, “I’ll have what he’s ordered.”

  
He forgot how to chew for a moment; staring at the blue eyes, the man nodded in greeting, then returned his attention to Ellen.  He swallowed the pancake and had to knock back a mouthful of coffee to clear his throat of the barely chewed lump stuck there.

  
Castiel thanked Ellen and turned towards him, then stopped and looked at another table hesitant; thinking about something, but then he pulled his shoulders back and stepped towards Dean; looking a little nervous, “Do you mind if I join you?”

Dean stared at him blankly for a second; trying to gather his thoughts, he shook his head and then nodded. “Sure.” 

  
Castiel removed his coat and placed it on the bench as he slid into it. “I enjoyed the Coffee the other day very much and thought I would see if the coffee was just as good as I remembered it.” He explained.

  
Dean grinned. “Once you’ve had Ellen’s coffee, you’re hooked.” He picked up the napkin from the stand and wiped his mouth and hands and then picked up his coffee again.

  
To say it felt awkward sitting at a table with the man he didn’t know would be an understatement; it was a sticky situation for two parties of a business deal to meet outside of pre-arranged gatherings; the deal wasn’t a done deal until the paperwork was signed.

  
Castiel remained quiet; thoughtful in his own world as he looked out the window until Ellen came over with his coffee and pancakes, placing a bottle of honey beside it.

  
Dean looked at the small bottle and raised his eyebrow. Castiel smiled and gestured to it,  “I like honey. Would you like some?“ Dean shook his head, "No thanks. So, How’s your day going?” 

  
Castiel took a moment to chew on his food, his eyes squinting a little, and then swallowed. Dean couldn’t help watch Castiel's Adam apple bob up and down with the action; he realized what he was doing and turned back to his own plate and began to eat his own pancake again.

“It’s been uneventful,”

Dean nodded, “Yeah. It gets a little monotonous doesn’t it?”

  
“It certainly does, which is why I enjoy going into one of the ‘Gas and Sips’ and working instead, there’s a real dignity to it, by the end of the day you feel like you’ve done a good days work. In the office, it’s a lot of sitting down and staring at the computers. My brothers complain frequently that I should be handling things in the head office; not out in the field. “Castiel sighed and then looked back to Dean.  “What about you? “ He inquired as he shoved another forkful of food into his mouth,  
“Me? I have a free day; the rest of the week is busy with the expos and a meeting,  but today I get to relax a little. I'm thinking of heading to the toy store; see if I can find anything for Ben. “

  
Castiel nodded, “I was contemplating shopping;  to find something for my wife and daughters. It might help put me back in their good graces.”

“Well, if you like, we could head there together?”  Dean surprised himself, what was he doing inviting him to join him?

Castiel nodded, “I think I’d like that, I find it hard selecting items that they like, and another opinion would be welcomed.”

“Awesome,”  He smiled; not at all sure why he felt happy with his new plans. It was nice having someone else to talk to, being at work until late every night didn’t leave much time to make friends and go anywhere with, and when he did go out it was with Lisa.

They both finished their breakfasts and ordered another coffee. They talked mostly about their work, the products Deans company sold and was venturing into, and then onto what would happen once the contracts were signed. Dean learned that Castiel would be the one who he would be working with at the ‘Gas N sips’ stores, and that also made him feel a little happier on the whole still working longer hours part.

They waved goodbye to Ellen and made their way through the crowd of people as they moved further downtown towards the store, the air was turning chilly, so he pushed his hands into his jacket pockets and glanced over at Castiel; wishing he had a coat like his. They entered into the “Toys R Us” store and Dean moved over to the sporting goods; to the pitching machines, it would help with both Ben’s catching and batting; however, it would be difficult to fly back with. He picked up the box of three training balls, there were different weights, and he chewed on his bottom lip; it would give him and Ben something to do; he read the line that boasted “Advanced strength building system” and  decided he would take them, if nothing else, it just gave Ben extra balls to practice with.

  
He browsed around the shelves looking at different action figures, cars, toy guns, and he couldn’t remember if Ben was into any of those things. He picked a large toy gun that had suction darts and chuckled at the imagery of Sam having one stuck to his forehead, and that settled it; he put the balls and the Nerf gun into his basket and then moved around until he found Castiel staring at two boxes; looking frustrated and confused.

Dean stepped closer to him and peered down at the boxes, “Dolls?”

Castiel looked up at him and raised his eyebrow, “Yes, girls like dolls.” He stated and then frowned as he looked down at them again. “I just can’t remember which ones they have and which ones they don’t like.” He sighed; frustrated.

Dean looked over at the shelves and noticed a variety of different dolls. There were Barbie, Bratz, monster high, Disney princess dolls, and he suddenly felt way over his head.

“Dude, have you seen how many there is to choose from?” Dean asked flabbergasted at the enormity of Castiel’s problem.

Castiel glanced up at him, his expression not needing any words to follow, which related closely to,”You think?”

Dean shook his head and strolled down another aisle and found more dolls and the ones that looked like babies, strollers, playsets, deluxe packages of diapers and changing mats. Thank god they had Ben!

“Okay, so how old is the youngest?” he asked; attempting to cut down their options and Castiel looked up at him, “She’s four.”

“Okay, that’s good, so for…?” Dean gestured with his hand to encourage Castiel to tell him the name of his youngest daughter, “Emily.”

“Okay, so for Emily we’re looking for something that is for four years old and below, nothing above. “  
Both men took a side each and began looking over the shelves until both had something in each hand and turned standing side by side and looked down at what they found.  
Castiel sighed, “I don’t know; Amelia usually does this stuff. I just give her my credit card; I am ashamed to say that I’m working most of the time. “

Dean glanced over and turned; placing his hand on Castiel’s shoulder and suddenly let go as Castiel watched his hand.  “Sorry.” He muttered; feeling the heat rising in his cheeks.

 “You’re doing the best for your family.” He said and looked into Castiel’s eyes, feeling like he needed to make him believe that; maybe it was because he also needed to believe it too, that everything he was doing was for the best, for their future.

Castiel nodded a little and then shrugged. “ I think Emily might like this.” He pointed at the baby, which had a pacifier in its mouth, with a couple of Diapers and a spoon, bowl, and bottle beside it, stuck to the cardboard.

Dean nodded, “good choice.” he praised, not at all sure, but most girls like that stuff… right?  
He clapped his hands together, “Okay, so now we have Emily’s, we need to buy for?” Dean once against gestured for Castiel to say his child's name, he felt bad because he knew Castiel had told him their names, but he just couldn’t remember.

“Claire.” Castiel offered and Dean nodded,  “How old is she?”

 “ Nine.".

“So, okay then, we need to look for something that’s for nine-year-old girls and below.”

They could do this; they were both after all in the sales business, both should be experts in market trends and growths, but toys? It was a little out of either of their depths.  
Castiel sighed once they reached the end of the aisle; they had an arm full of stuff, but Castiel was back full circle,  and he sighed.  
“What if you just buy like these four and then when you get back home, check her room and see what one she has, see if any of these matches?" Dean suggested.

Castiel’s eyes lit up, and he smiled. “That’s a good idea; the others can be given to the local charity.”  
They paid for their items and then left the store, walking in the direction of a jewelry shop; if he got something nice, maybe Lisa would forgive him, although she wasn’t all that into grand gestures; something small like earrings would just ease the tension.

He hated that they were having problems; they used to be able to sit down and talk through the issues and deal with them, but the more work that was loaded on to him, the less it was fixing anything.

Castiel picked out a necklace with a cross pendant, and they both headed back to the hotel.  
Dean liked Castiel; he seemed a little awkward, but beyond the awkwardness was a man who held a lot of knowledge of life and business, but also an innocence,  and it intrigued him; enough that he invited him back to his hotel room for a coffee. After all, if he was going to be spending time with him in the stores, why not?

Castiel took off his trench coat and loosened his tie once they were sitting down on the sofa; coffee’s in hand.

Dean learned that Castiel’s brother Michael, owned the ‘Gas and Sip’, after inheriting it from their father, his brother Gabriel and himself had an equal share of the company, along with their brother Raphael; who repeatedly complained to Michael about his and Gabriels desire to be out of the office.  Gabriel easily ignored their brother's insistence, but Castiel found it harder to ignore them and tell them to stick their orders where the sun didn’t shine. So Castiel spent most Fridays in the office to ease his brother's frustrations.

  
He learned that Castiel met his wife through his father's church group; her parents were friends of his fathers, and they had arranged their marriage when he and Amelia were kids.  
He didn’t complain though, “Amelia is a wholesome woman; she adores our children, and she is my best friend.” Castiel explained, and Dean nodded; not at all convinced.

  
“If you’re going to marry, then it should be for love, not because your father said to,” he pointed out to Castiel; who insisted that he loved Amelia. Dean let it drop, who was he to say anything? He was a stranger.

  
Dean talked about his family growing up, his mother's death and his father's road to alcoholism; which lead to his death.  He talked about Sam and his law degree, to his nieces and nephews, and then his wife and son; they talked well into the evening, and Dean cursed when he glanced at his watch and realized he was late for Dinner with Ellan and Bobby. He stood up and looked down at Castiel, who all at once seemed lonely, and he hesitated.  
“Hey, Did you want to come with me? Ellen makes the best meals.”  
Castiel watched him for a moment, ran his tongue over his bottom lip and asked, “Do you think Ellen would mind?”  
Dean shook his head, “No, but I will send her a message to let her know that there will be one more for dinner.” He moved over to pick up his jacket and threw it on as Castiel nodded.  “That would be nice.” He said as he smiled at Dean.

Dean smiled back and collected his car keys, “Okay; I’ll send her a quick text message.”  
Castiel stood and put on his trench coat and moved toward the door and waited for Dean as he pocketed his mobile again and gestured for Castiel to leave first.

He locked the door and they quickly stepped out of the hotel and made their way to Ellens.

The dinner was nice; Ellen was happy to accommodate an extra place on the table, although Jo was a non-appearance, doing a late shift at the Bar that she worked at and Dean spent some time talking to Bobby about cars.  It was past ten when Dean finally decided to call it a night, he and Castiel both had early-morning meetings.

Ellen invited Castiel to visit when he wanted and for some reason, Dean felt pleased; he realized that he was feeling things that he shouldn’t be feeling, and he shoved the thoughts, deep down; shrugging it off, telling himself it was just because he wasn’t used to having close friends.  
Once they were back at the hotel, he said Goodnight to Castiel and they both stepped into their rooms.

Overall, it was a good day; he felt more relaxed than he had in a while, and he admitted to himself that having someone else who knew the effects of long nights, and the business trips were comforting.

He stepped into his bedroom, and stripped off and then decided to take a quick shower before he climbed into bed and fell to sleep. He awoke in the morning to the clock radio alarm; feeling refreshed, but his mood soured as he reached over to grab his mobile and noticed two messages from Lisa. He forgot to call her, again.

  
He quickly sat up and dialed her number; hoping to catch her before she dropped Ben to school, and before she started work.

“Dean.” Was the immediate response the moment the phone answered.

“Babe, I’m so sorry.” He rushed out, closing his eyes; praying silently to god that it would be fine.

“Two times.” She replied stiffly.

“I know. I’m so sorry; I caught up with Ellen and Bobby; they invited me for dinner, and it was late when I got back. I know it’s not a good enough reason, but time was just lost.”

Lisa was silent.

“Lis’, Please.” He pleaded in a quiet voice.

He heard her sigh. “We need to sit down and talk about this when you get back, we can’t talk now; Ben’s just woken up, so I need to get his breakfast and lunch done.”

He nodded and pinched the bridge of his nose, “Yeah,” He agreed. “Okay.  Can I call you tonight?” 

 “No, I’m busy tonight, Call me Friday night to confirm that you’re coming home Saturday.” Dean shook his head and sighed. “Yeah, Fine, okay, I’ll call you on Friday.” He could feel his temper rising a little.

“Okay, I have to go.” She said quietly,

“Alright, I love-".  She disconnected before he finished his sentence.

He tossed his phone beside him and flopped back onto his back and looked toward the ceiling. Lisa wasn’t being fair; he understood her frustrations, but what pissed him off was that she wasn’t coming to the middle to understand that he was trying to do his best for them all, you don’t get something for nothing in life; hard work leads to a payoff.

He shook his head and pulled himself out of bed and into the bathroom to relieve himself and then moved into the kitchen to make himself some coffee and a piece of toast.

He needed a drink; a stiff one,  but it was too early in the morning. He walked into his bedroom to reclaim his mobile and then picked up Castiel’s contact card and dialed the number.

  
“Hello, Dean.” The voice on the other end answered sounding a little gruff. Dean immediately felt some of the anger disappear, and he smiled.

“Hey, Cas, I was wondering if you’d like to go down to the bar with me tonight and have a drink? I could really use some company and a drink.” He asked before he had time to think about what he would say, and found himself nervously waiting for his reply.

The phone was quiet for a moment, and then Dean heard some rustling,  “Okay; That would be nice.’ The voice replied and Dean smiled wide.

“Great. I’ll be there at yours at let’s say, seven?” he asked; feeling a little like a teenager again.

“Perfect.” The voice replied.

“It’s a date. “Dean grinned and then added, “well, not a date... you know... “ he trailed off awkwardly.

He heard the deep chuckle from the other side, but Castiel didn’t say anything else.

“Okay, I need to get ready for a meeting, I guess I’ll see you then if we don’t bump into each other before.”

Castiel said goodbye and Dean stepped into the bathroom to shave, and then brushed his teeth and then quickly got dressed, picked up his briefcase, adjusted his tie and left the room, it was going to be a long, long day, but he didn’t care; he felt pretty good about the meeting, and he didn’t even care that he would have to sit through the afternoon, repeating his sales pitches to stuffy businessmen. 

   
By the time  six o'clock came around, he had his dinner and had showered; the day was indeed long, and he felt a little stressed after the meeting didn’t go as smoothly as he planned; being asked questions that he didn’t have answers to, the chance of gaining the Walgreen contract was looking more like a “No,” which was probably just as well since if he got the Walgreen deal it would mean a lot more hours and traveling to help with the ordering and setup of the products.

  
He glanced at his watch and he still had fifty-five minutes before he was meant to meet Castiel, so he sat down and went through his presentation notes, through the figures, and at some point, he started thinking about Castiel, about his blue eyes, his head tilting, and eye squinting, their conversations. When he finally caught the change in thoughts, he shoved down the reasons why as he did before.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested in men; he had been before he met Lisa, he always saw himself as Bi-curious, just never acted on it and over time, he thought it was just a phase he went through, something that maybe everyone went through.  He didn’t want to think about what it could mean now;  he had a wife and son, which was where his attention and interest needed to remain.

  
He glanced at his watch again, and he had ten more minutes, and he bounced his leg and tapped his fingers on his knees but then decided to screw it and go earlier. If he was too early, the worst Castiel could say was for him to come back in seven minutes, he pushed himself off his sofa and picked up his wallet and keys next to the front door and left.

  
 He knocked twice on Castiel’s door, and the man opened it almost immediately; Dean looked him up and down. Castiel had discarded his suit for a casual shirt and blue jeans; his hair was standing up all over the place and Dean felt himself heat up a little at the sight of him. He looked different without his suit and tie.

  
Dean smiled, “I’m a bit early, but I was bored…” he explained and Castiel nodded, “Me too.” Cas replied; a little shyly as he looked Dean up and down.

  
“So, should we go down now?”  
Castiel hesitated, "I thought maybe; we could drink in here? I have some whiskey, beers, and wine…” Castiel trailed off, pink entering his cheeks and Dean nodded, “Here’s fine.” after all, at least if he got shit-faced drunk, he would only need to go back next door.

  
Castiel’s smile widened as he moved aside to let Dean step over the threshold into his room.

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was meant to be half the size of what it is, but when I started to write it... and well...I didn't stop.  
> I read through it to see what I could take out, but I think most of it is important for later chapters; easier to set it up now than adding it later. 
> 
> I have proofread this several times, but there may still be some grammar issues. 
> 
> I have written some smut, but I'm not exactly 'great' at that stuff, so I hope you forgive me!

Castiel poured two drinks and handed one to Dean; he looked stressed; like he had the world upon his shoulders, but he tried to cover it up with a smile and a bunch of jokes. Castiel had been around enough people to know when something was bothering someone, and he kept refilling their drinks as Dean knocked back another one.

  
He didn’t pry; it wasn’t in his nature to pry into stranger's lives, so he sat beside him and let Dean do what he needed to do to relax.

  
By the time they finished the bottle of whiskey and a couple of beers, Dean was mostly loosened up and telling him stories of his family growing up; about his father’s marine background, then on to how he raised his brother after their mother passed away; the cause was still unknown, but he knew it was something tragic, and he didn’t ask what happened.

  
Castiel was feeling the effects of the alcohol; he could hold his liquor, but at the rate that Dean was downing them; and with Cas wanting to keep up, he was quickly becoming intoxicated.

  
He found himself following the lines of Dean’s jaw; to his mouth, to his tongue that darted out every so often to moisten his lips, and he wondered how they would feel against his;  the feel of his tongue brushing against his own.

 He forced himself to stand up and walked over to the kitchen to pack more snacks into the already overfilling bowl. He had a family; he couldn’t allow himself to go down that path, not again.

  
Besides, Dean was straight; he hadn’t seen anything in the other man that would suggest otherwise. He sighed and stood behind the counter for a moment; trying to regain his composure.  He closed his eyes and mentally counted to three, then picked up the bowl and moved back to the sofa.

  
He made sure to put a bit of distance between the two of them; Dean noticed the space and shifted closer; Castiel licked his lips and tried not to focus on Dean’s mouth, but it was hard to do when Dean leaned in a little more.  
He looked back up into Dean's eyes; searching them, “Dean?”

  
“Yeah?” Dean whispered in reply; glancing down at Castiel’s mouth.

  
“Um, What are you doing?” He asked in a low tone; unable to stop himself glancing down at Dean’s lips, watching as his tongue darted out again; his reasons for not doing anything slipping away into the fog that shrouded his mind.

  
“Kissing you,” Dean whispered back before he closed the gap and their mouths met.

  
Castiel felt a shock run through his body, and he kissed back almost immediately; tongue darting out to meet Deans. He groaned at the first touch of their tongues, and he lost all coherent thought.  
  
He melted back into the sofa; bringing Dean with him, their bodies pressed together at an angle. Castiel couldn’t help but pull Dean closer; almost on top of him.  

Time passed strangely, and he didn’t know how long they were kissing before Dean Shot back away from him and stood up; swaying. ‘Jesus Christ!” Dean slurred out and looked horrified.

  
Castiel couldn’t do anything; his mind still trying to make sense of what happened, and what was going on now.

  
“Shit.” Dean cursed and strode to the front door, and Castiel stood up quickly, and took a step towards him, “Dean!” He shouted out; Dean stopped as he reached forward for the handle, he turned to look at him and Castiel could see the regret, the pain, and confusion. He stared back, holding his breath until Dean turned and left the room.

  
Castiel fell back onto the sofa and groaned, rubbing his hands over his face.  
This was going to be complicated; working with Dean for the next six months was going to be uncomfortable. He couldn’t back out of the contract; it wasn’t an option because his brothers would demand to know why he wanted to after he spent so much of his energy convincing the three of them to agree on it and vote in his favor.

  
 Michael wasn’t on board to start with, and the votes were against him when Raphael agreed with Michael. It took a lot of talking and promising to be in the office more; to stop acting like an employee rather than a shared partner in the company.  

 Usually, he didn’t have a problem with the votes; he headed the sales division, and they trusted him to make the right choices; after all, he was the one who was out in the stores, working through problem areas to bring the company more profits; he knew what customers wanted.

  
 However, Michael had an issue with the billionaire who owned the company that Dean worked at; his ex-fiancée cheated and then left him for the Asshat Richard Roman,  and so, Castiel had to sell the figures and margins to his brother; convincing him not to allow his bruised ego to get in the way of what was best for their company.

  
Once Michael voted ‘Yes’, it all fell into place, Raphael was still against it, but three votes for Yes and one for No, left Raphael growling through the speaker of his computer. Of course, there were conditions; there always was with Michael.  

  
He sighed, with the option of pulling out gone; he had to try to clean up the mess. His only hope was that Dean would be able to work with him; he didn’t want him to lose his promotion.

  
********************************

  
Dean paced the room floor; anxious and angry at himself. What the hell was going through his mind to do that?  He just cheated on Lisa! He scrubbed his hands over his face; feeling himself sobering up; this was serious; it was bad; very, very bad.

  
Would Castiel pull out? He wouldn’t blame him if he did, he came on to him; He took advantage of him while he was drunk. Dean looked at his watch; it was past midnight; he picked up his mobile and opened a new text message to Castiel.

  
**Dean** : I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, it was just the alcohol. Can we pretend it didn’t happen?

  
Dean paused and re-read the message, then breathed out slowly and pressed the send button; hoping that this could all be brushed under the rug.

  
It was just a drunken mistake, right? It meant nothing, and it didn’t need to be made into something bigger than it was; a mistake.

  
The mobile vibrated in his hand, and he opened up the reply and breathed out in relief once he read it.

  
**Castiel Novak:** Already forgotten.

  
**Dean:** Good. Are we still a go-ahead for signing the contract tomorrow?  

  
He sent his reply back and waited nervously for the answer; which didn’t come for another five minutes. He began pacing the room until he finally felt the buzz in his hands.

  
**Castiel Novak** : Yes.

  
Dean stared at the reply; unsure what to make of the one-word response. Did this mean they were back to just business? It was probably for the best, but if it was, why did his stomach feel like it sank through the floor with disappointment?

  
He shook the thought away and kicked off his shoes; he needed to sleep so he could be at the top of his game, but it gnawed at him more than he liked. He fell back against the bed; not bothering to undress and stared up at the ceiling; his hand coming to rest on his forehead; going over everything that happened.  He went through it over again, and then fruitlessly tried to push the images away; the feel of Castiel’s body pressing against his, hands pulling him in closer, he groaned and grabbed the pillow from the other side of the bed to cover his face. He had to stop thinking about the man. He shifted his thoughts deliberately to his failings with the meeting with Walgreen's owner and to the next two days of the expo.

  
It took a long time for him to finally fall to sleep, but it couldn’t stop him thinking about the Blue-eyed man who was staying in the room next door. He woke up gasping and found his Jeans and boxers soiled with his own cum. He looked at his clock, then groaned; it was five-thirty; he wasn’t going to be able to sleep again, and he pushed himself off the bed, peeled off his sweat covered shirt and jeans and took a lukewarm shower to cool his body down.

  
He needed to shove it all deep down; forget about it, but it was easier said than done.  
By eight thirty, he already drank three cups of coffee and read the whole newspaper; including the boring gardening tips, he was finally able to think beyond Castiel.

 His mobile rang at nine, and he answered it to be told that the paperwork would arrive by registered delivery by ten-thirty.

He sent a formal message to Castiel to let him know that the contracts would be there that morning, then read over the short formal reply he received back, he frowned, but he knew it was for the best. They organized to meet in Dean's motel room and by ten-fifteen Dean was a ball of nerves and a little embarrassed over his behavior the night before.

  
The door knocked, and Dean wiped his sweaty hands on his suit pants; slowly strode across the room to the door, he hesitated for a moment, but then straightened himself and plastered a false smile across his face and opened it. Dean was surprised to see a woman standing beside Castiel; dressed in a blouse that had those frills that seemed too big down the front, she wore a tight skirt, and her dark-brown hair pulled up into a bun. She was smiling at him, and he felt unsettled; it closely related to a smirk. He dragged his eyes away from her to see Castiel standing stiffly, not quite looking at him eye to eye, and he opened the door wider to allow them both to enter the room.

  
“Um, come in. “ He gestured into the room.  
Castiel nodded and waited until his companion stepped in first, and then he moved around Dean; making sure not to touch him and Dean swallowed and looked up at the ceiling. This was painfully awkward.

  
“Um, can I get either of you anything to drink?” He asked; finding his voice a little croaky.

  
“Water, please.” Castiel replied politely, and the woman nodded, “water would be great.”

  
Dean poured two glasses of cold water from the cooler and handed a glass to Cas and his companion, then gestured for them to sit down.  He moved over to the table where the envelope was still unopened and picked it up; running his fingers over the seal as he stepped around to sit on a chair facing the two of them.  He looked at the woman and raised his eyebrow as he looked back at Castiel.

  
“Mr. Winchester, this is Meg Masters; she will be going over the contract and will be witnessing us signing them. “ Castiel spoke stiffly and Dean nodded.  
He handed her the documents, and she carefully read through the minutes of the contract. Dean glanced at Castiel and watched as he leaned in close to Meg; reading over it with her.

  
He wondered if she was there as a buffer for Castiel, did he not trust him? He didn’t mention that he had his own legal counsel coming to the signing of the contracts. Usually, it would be done in the presence of someone who was at the hotel; someone who had nothing to gain so there would be no conflict of interests; they definitely did not read it, that was just between the parties involved.

  
However, if that was what Castiel wanted; needed. He would let him have it, no point making something big out of it. Castiel looked up and nodded, “Everything looks like it’s there.” And then he pulled a pen out from the inside pocket of his suit jacket and leaned over to sign the three pages. He handed the papers back to Dean to sign.  Dean signed them and handed them to Meg.

  
 He glanced over and caught Castiel watching him and quickly looked away; watching Meg sign the last page. She handed the papers back to Dean and smiled. “Well, that was so much fun, “ she drooled out, sounding sarcastic and Castiel nudged her; giving her a warning look. She grinned at him, and Dean couldn’t help but notice how friendly they were. “So, um, I’ll get this photocopied, and I’ll get your copy back to you by this afternoon.” He cleared his throat and pushed the papers back into the envelope; feeling awkward and uncomfortable.

  
“Thank you,” Castiel replied, his voice a little more gentle than it was before; but still formal. “No, Thank you Mr. Novak, for your business.” Dean stood up and held out his hand for Castiel and seemed taken back but stood up and shook Dean’s hand.

  
Dean held his breath as he felt his fingers brush Castiel's and pulled away almost immediately and moved toward the room door. “I’m sure you have a lot of things you need to do, so I won’t keep you.”

  
Castiel and Meg followed behind him and at the door, Castiel nodded and gestured for Meg to step out first, and then he moved in front of Dean, close enough that Dean wasn’t sure if he was going to lean up and kiss him, but he just smiled a little and stepped out of the room.

  
“I’ll be in touch.” He replied as he moved away from the door and down the hallway with Meg. Dean watched them until they were out of sight, and he closed the door and leaned against it.  He needed to get his act together; quickly.

  
He pushed himself away from the door and collected the envelope and picked up his keys, no time like the present to get the papers photocopied he thought.

  
He went down to the lobby to find someplace to photocopy them, and then stepped into the hotel's restaurant and found the place bustling with people. He spotted a free table next to a window, and he made his way over and settled into his seat. He scanned the menu until a waiter approached him. 

 “Hey, Can I have an Omelette, with a side of bacon and a black coffee please?”

  
The waiter nodded and wrote down the order and told him he would be back with his beverage; he leaned back in the chair and looked out of the window. The sky was dark and looked like it was going to rain. He watched as several taxis pulled up and people were getting in and out of them, either coming into the hotel or crossing the road to the large department store. He looked up the street a little and caught a glimpse of someone wearing a tan trench coat; he leaned a little closer to the window, so he could take a better look and saw Castiel laughing; looking down at Meg, and then he kissed her on the cheek and hailed a taxi.  Dean watched as she slipped into the taxi, and Castiel waved goodbye, then turned to move back to the hotel.  Castiel’s eyes suddenly found himself as he stared through the window, and he quickly looked away and straightened up, shit! He probably looked creepy; spying on Castiel.

  
The waiter came with his coffee and then moved away, and he blew on it; only glancing up when he saw someone come to stand in front of his table.   
 “Oh, Hey Castiel.” He greeted; feeling his cheeks burning a little.

  
Castiel nodded, and gestured to the chair opposite, “Is it alright if I sit here?”

  
Dean gestured to the seat and nodded, “sure, be my guest.” Castiel removed his coat and sat down.

  
The waiter came back over with his breakfast, and Castiel asked if he could get a coffee and an omelet without the side of bacon.

  
Dean felt awkward; he didn’t know what to say, all the ease that he felt before was gone, Castiel, however, just watched him; smiling and Dean raised his eyebrow in question.   
 “I’m glad all the formalities of the contracts are over, “he explained and Dean half-heartedly nodded and gave a small smile before shoving a forkful of the omelet into his mouth.

  
He took his time to chew and then lifted his cup to his mouth to wash the salt down. “Yeah, it’s nice to be able to relax afterward.” He said; trying to think of something they could talk about, he was a little confused; Castiel's demeanor was different to earlier.  
“Do you have much to do today?” Castiel inquired as he lifted his arms out of the way as the waiter placed his coffee in front of him. “Thank you.” He smiled politely and then looked back at Dean.

  
Dean shook his head as he took another bite of the omelet; chewing carefully and swallowed, “No, not really, I have to do this afternoon’s expo but that’s not until one.” Dean glanced at the paperwork on the side of the table and reached for them. “Oh, here’s a photocopy of the contract. I was going to bring it to you later, but since you’re here…”  He trailed off as Castiel reached over, their fingers brushing for a moment and Dean pulled his hand away and picked up his fork again.

  
Castiel stared at the papers for a second and then put them on the seat beside him, muttering a thank you.

  
Dean watched him for a moment; finishing the mouthful of food he was chewing and then asked, “What about you? Do you have a lot on today?” The waiter placed Castiel’s plate in front of him.

Castiel nodded, “I have a meeting with the area manager for one of our stores here in this town. I’ll have to listen to his grievances about his pay and the hooligans that probably hang around the store; I’d imagine. “He sighed and then picked up his own fork to start eating.

  
Dean watched him for a moment, chewing thoughtfully, “Well, can’t one of your brothers do it?” He was generally curious about why Castiel was doing the legwork. 

Castiel shook his head, “No, well, I guess they could, but it’s my department so to speak. Michael deals mostly with the legal work. Raphael deals with the finances, Gabriel – I’m not actually sure what he does, he supposed to be head of Human relations, but I am the one usually stuck with dealing with staff within the office and the call-backs. I’m sales; I deal with anything on-site of the stores, the merchandise, the staff, and the layouts of the aisles… well, you get the picture...”

  
Dean nodded, “Must be tiring though, you travel a lot, don’t you?”

  
Castiel nodded and looked down at his plate, “Yes, unfortunately; it does take me away from home quite a lot, but my father trusted us to keep the company running smoothly. I owe that to him. “

  
Dean caught the frown that Castiel had as he looked down at his plate and he reached over and squeezed Castiel’s hand, pausing as the other man looked up a little alarmed, Dean pulled his hand back and picked up his fork, “I’m sure your dad would be proud.” He said a little weakly.

  
Castiel was quiet and Dean glanced over to find him pushing his food around his plate. Dean lowered his fork and looked over to Castiel, “what’s up? “  

  
Castiel looked up at him and shrugged; he smiled a little, but it didn't reach his eyes, “Just homesick.”  Dean smiled; nodding in agreement, “Yeah, it’s hard being away. Homesickness gets me every time too.”  
Castiel tilted his head thoughtfully and then asked, “What are you doing tonight?”

Dean glanced up and took a moment to think about it and then shook his head, “ Nothing really, “

Castiel smiled, “Do you want to go out for a drink? “  
Dean noticed a bit of color beginning to creep into Castiel’s cheeks.

  
He wiped his mouth and smiled, “Sure. “ It was a relief that it appeared that their ‘sort of’ friendship was still there.

  
  The other man smiled and leaned forward, “Maybe we could go to a bar? I saw one up the street; not far away. “

  
Dean finished his last bite of the omelet and leaned back in his chair, “Sounds like a da-plan.”  
The corner of Castiel's mouth twitched upward a little and nodded. “Okay, maybe we should meet down in the Lobby about eight?”  He suggested as he picked up his coffee and drained it in one mouthful and reached for the contract.

Dean placed his knife and fork on the plate and nodded, “Deal.” 

 Castiel raised his hand to gain the waiter's attention and then asked for his bill. “ I got to go; I need to be on the other side of town in forty-five minutes.” He explained as the waiter returned. He pulled out a clip of money from his pocket and tucked it into the bill holder and stood up; looking back at Dean; smiling, “See you tonight.”

  
“Yeah, see you later, “Dean replied and then watched as Castiel moved swiftly out of the restaurant.

  
He called for his own bill and paid it and went back up to his room. He had a few hours before he had anything to do, and so he stripped off and took a short nap, feeling some of the tension disappear.

  
*******************

 

  
The afternoon was slow for the first three hours, but then Dean was surprised to find Castiel walking among the tables; slowly making his way to his own one, and he felt strangely excited about it.  

  
Castiel reached his table and looked over all the posters and then to the samples of the products sprawled across the table. Dean wasn’t sure what he should be doing; was he supposed to give him a redundant sales pitch? “Hey, Cas.” He greeted; nervously licking his bottom lip.

  
Castiel smiled warmly, “Hello, Dean.” And then made his way around the table; glancing around him as he did, he found a chair nearby and pulled it over and sat down beside Dean.

He didn’t know what to do, he just watched him while he settled himself into the chair and Castiel turned to look at him, “So, this is what it’s like being on the other side of the table?”

Dean nodded and Castiel looked around the room; taking in tables that were set up and lots of people moving from booth to booth.

He watched Cas as he leaned forward, “Did you managed to sort out the problems with your employee?” He asked curiously.

Castiel smiled; nodding. “Yes, he wanted permission to hire his nephew,”

 “Wait, He needs your permission for that?”  he asked; surprised by that.  

Castiel nodded, “Well; we have a policy that staff cannot hire their own family members; it prevents unfairness when selecting new staff.” Castiel explained and Dean nodded, “Makes sense. Did you give him permission?”

  
He smiled, “Yes. His nephew is experienced in retail, so there is no unfairness in his hiring him to work there- also, I like him and would prefer to keep him happy, it would take a lot of time finding someone to replace him if he chose to leave. What about here? Have you managed to gain any interest by anyone?”

  
Dean looked around the room and shrugged, “well, a little, no sign-ups, but a few have expressed interest, just local small stores, mainly.”

Castiel looked at his watch, then glanced around the room again, “What time do these finish?”

“Five.” Dean grumbled a little, “There’s still an half an hour to go.” He added.  
“Do you mind if I stick around?” Castiel inquired, “I have nothing else to do, and I’ve never seen it from this side before, it’s interesting.”  
Dean nodded, “Sure, if you don’t mind being bored.” He laughed,

Cas shook his head, “I doubt I’ll be bored,” he said seriously; turning to look around the hall again.

Dean watched him for a while and then smiled. “Suit yourself, but don’t blame me if you fall asleep and start to drool.”

Castiel chuckled and turned to him, “ I don’t believe I drool… or snore for that matter.”

Dean was about to say that he would be the judge of that, but that could be implied to mean something other than what he intended, and so he bit down on his lip and shook his head.  “Good, ‘cause I’m trying to make deals here, your snoring would be a distraction.” He smirked.

  
Castiel let out a laugh that showed both gums and teeth and Dean liked seeing this side of him, and started laughing too until he noticed a woman slowly strolling towards his booth; looking at the posters and charts that were on the boards behind him, he sobered and stood up; stepping closer to the table.

  
He gave his best charming smile as the woman stepped up to him and began asking him questions, he gave her his sales pitch and then handed her several pamphlets showing the trending profit flows and product information. She thanked him for his time, and he shook her hand, and then waved her goodbye.

He sat down with a groan, and Castiel watched him, “You’re good at this.” He observed and Dean glanced over, “Uh, thanks?” He shook his head and glanced around the room.

  
“No, really, you had her eating out of your palm.” Castiel sounded impressed, and Dean looked back over towards Castiel and rolled his eyes, “If that was true, I would be writing her company details on a form.” He lifted the clipboard up to prove his point and then placed it back on the ground beside him.

Castiel shrugged, “it’s not always as easy as just saying yes, there’s a lot to consider, financial discussions, what levels of risks will be taken and how it can be managed if something fails, there’re also the legal checks and then, she would need the approval of the executives.”

  
Dean was lost for words, yeah, sure he knew all that, he’d been through a lot of those waiting periods over the past ten years, but to listen to Castiel explain it… it was a little bit of a turn on, and he had no freaking clue why that was.

“Oh, yeah, there’s that.” He finally replied and rubbed the back of his neck. Castiel glanced at his watch and then grinned. “It’s one minute to five.”

  
Dean perked up,” It’s about freaking time!” He stood up and started to pull out the pins that held his posters in place, and Castiel helped by taking out the ones on the other board.

He began twisting them carefully to create tubes and then popped his into its cardboard cover, and Castiel copied him. It didn’t take long for everything to be cleared away.  He thanked Castiel as they both picked up a box, one with the tubes of posters, the other with small samples of the products and pamphlets.

They carefully made their way back to Dean's room and as Castiel put the box on the ground near the table, Dean offered him a coffee which Castiel accepted.

Dean remained behind the kitchen counter, leaning over it and Castiel took a stool on the opposite side.

“So, in six weeks, I’ll be working alongside you in the Gas N sips?” Dean asked.  

Castiel nodded, “Yes; I like to oversee these things myself; make sure that it all starts with no hitches.” 

 “The first stores are in Iowa, right?”

  
“Yes, “Castiel confirmed and added, “After that to Illinois.”

  
Dean calculated the distance. “Okay, it's five hundred miles away from Michigan, and Illinois is a little less. “ He blew out as he realized just how far he would be traveling; Lisa was definitely not going to be happy with him. He would be away for at least a week, maybe two for each of the locations.

Castiel glanced down at the counter and then back up to Dean, “You live in Michigan?”

Dean nodded, “Yeah, what about you? “

“I’m in Illinois. “

“Yeah?  Damn, you must be gone a lot of the time then?” Dean let out a half whistle, and Castiel nodded. “But I do try to stay in the Illinois stores, but I do have to travel further out at times.”

“ So if all goes well with those stores,  I’ll be helping on-site with Iowa, Illinois and then the three stores after. Once those are done, you’ll be on your own, some representative from the company will visit you every month to check in and balance the orders to make sure  you don’t get too many, or not enough in your next delivery."

Castiel smiled, “I like that, a more hands-on approach.”

  
 Dean shrugged and turned and put the kettle on for something to do, “Yeah; Dick made changes a while ago because it was more efficient in selling the products. There were a lot of issues before; products not being ordered, or incorrectly ordered, and it just made everything messy. This way, the representatives can cross check with what’s sold and then replenish the stock.”

  
The conversation trailed off into silence; he felt awkward; like he should be saying or doing something and then his stomach grumbled. He hadn’t eaten since Breakfast; he didn’t have the time before he had to run down to the hall after he woke late from the nap he took.

“Did you want to go down to the restaurant and get something to eat?” He asked before he had time to really think about what he was saying.

Castiel startled and considered it for a moment, then shrugged, “Okay. It’s probably best to have something before we go to the bar tonight.”

Dean looked down at himself and then back up at Castiel, “Okay, well, I’m just going to get out of these clothes and put something more casual on. Did you want to hang out here?”

Castiel shook his head, “No; I would like to get changed too, “ he pushed himself off the stool and looked toward the door before he returned his attention to Dean, “Should we meet back here or downstairs?”

Dean chewed on his lower lip, “Um, well since you’re only next door, we might as well meet back up here.” He suggested.

Castiel nodded, “Okay, I will be about 30 minutes; I would like to shower first.”

  
Dean moved from behind the counter towards Castiel and nodded his agreement, “Alright, so I’ll see you back here in thirty minutes.”

He watched Castiel leave and he locked the door,  then moved through his bedroom to the bathroom, turned on his shower taps and stripped off his suit; tossing it onto the counter beside the sink. He looked in the mirror and thought about shaving, but shrugged the thought off and stepped into the shower spray.

Thirty minutes later, Castiel knocked the door and Dean moved over to it as he finished putting his belt back on and swung it open, and he tried to hide his surprise as Castiel stood in front of him with a black tight shirt on and blue stonewashed jeans.

The aftershave he wore made something rise in him, and Dean smiled; shifting a little. “Hi, “he breathed out and then turned into the room again and picked up his keys and wallet and was back at the door within a few seconds and gestured down the hall as he stepped out of the room and locked the door.

“You look good.” He complimented and immediately regretted what he said, he felt his cheeks begin to burn but felt mildly better when he noticed the flush that began to spread from Castiel’s neck to his face.

At least, he wasn’t the only one who felt awkward and like a teenager. He smiled inwardly and punched the button to call the elevator up to them and waited the few minutes in silence. He snuck a glance over at the other man a few times, noting the way his jeans hugged his legs and ass. Castiel turned and said something and caught him staring, Dean cleared his throat; pretending to look around Castiel at the flowers on the stand.

He looked back at Castiel; who was patiently waiting for his response, “What?” He asked; feeling a little embarrassed at being caught ogling at his ass.

  
“Do you have a favorite meal?” Castiel inquired; his eyes sparkling a little.  
Dean found it hard to concentrate while he tried to rack his brain for his favorite food.

  
“Um, Apple pie, Burgers, Chicken, Well anything except if it’s a vegetable.” He finished a little lame, and he felt like an idiot when Castiel began to laugh.

  
He stared at him, not sure how he should react, “What?” He finally asked.  
Castiel shrugged, “It’s just funny; you are selling products that promote healthier eating, and you don’t like healthy foods such as vegetables.”  Castiel chuckled again.

  
“Ah, um, yeah, that is funny.” He agreed; grinning.  
The elevator doors opened and they stepped inside, “what about you Mr. Novak, what do you like?”

  
Castiel was thoughtful for a moment before answering seriously, “Roast chicken, Beef burgers, Burritos. I guess they would be my favorites.”

  
“Awesome, I guess we like the same stuff.” He grinned and Castiel shook his head, “No. I also like some vegetables.”

  
Dean shrugged, “well, I guess that can be overlooked.”  
The doors opened; the lobby was quiet, and they walked quickly through to the restaurant; Dean's stomach feeling way too empty that it was becoming uncomfortable and by the look of Castiel’s reaction when they smelt the aroma’s of cooked food hitting them, Castiel obviously hadn’t eaten in a while either.

  
They picked up their plates and moved to the buffet instead of ordering a meal, and they both piled them high with a variety of foods, and Dean made sure that he got both him and Castiel a slice of pie. They paid and then found a table to settle onto.

  
For the first ten minutes, they remained silent as they ate. Once they'd finished Dean leaned back and rubbed his stomach; his hunger completely satisfied. 

Castiel placed his knife and fork on his plate. “That was very good.” He said; smiling and Dean nodded, then looked at the pie and groaned.” I should have left some room for the pie.” He said, and Castiel turned around and raised his hand to gain the attention of the nearby waiter, who immediately stepped over to them. “Could we get two take away containers for these?” 

  
“Certainly, sir, is there anything else that I can get for you?”

  
Castiel thought after a moment and then nodded, “Could we have two mid-strength beers please?”

The waiter nodded, picked up the two plates holding the apple pies and left them alone again.  
Dean smiled inwardly, Good food, good company, and good beer.  He could definitely enjoy this more often.

  
The waiter was back with their beers and two containers that had aluminium wrapped around them in a shape of swans.  
“Thank you,” they both said together and then raised their bottles and took a long swig of it.  
Dean wiped his mouth with his hand, and leaned back and watched as Castiel used his napkin to wipe his mouth and then at his watch.  “Hey, we probably could just move on to the bar after this since it’s close to seven now, by the time we’re finished here it will be closer to half past.”

 

By quarter past the boys took their food back to Dean’s room and placed it in his mini fridge and then set off for the bar; which was packed because apparently, it was a karaoke night.

After several shots of whiskey, rum and some liquorice drink named ‘Sambuca’ that Castiel had been told by some girls were really good, which Dean wasn’t fond of, he volunteered himself to get up on stage; telling the guy responsible for the music to pick a song for him.   The crowd cheered, and he searched it until he found Castiel watching him from his table; Castiel smiled, nodding at him in encouragement.

  
He looked at the small TV screen in front of him and squinted as his vision blurred thanks to the amount of alcohol in his system, and then the music started and he groaned.

  
He turned toward the man standing to the side, “Seriously? When I said to pick a song, I meant something I could sing solo to!”

The man shrugged and Dean growled, “I am not doing this alone. “ He looked at Castiel and grinned. “Cas come up here; you’re singing this with me!”

  
Everyone turned to Cas, who adamantly shook his head, “Aw, come on!” Dean called out through the microphone and the crowd cheered and chanted Cas’s name, and he stood up slowly shaking his head, then lowered it as he made his way to the stage. Dean grinned and cheered.

As Castiel reached the stage, the man handed him a microphone and Cas whispered in Dean’s ear. “I don’t sing.” Dean hugged him, “I got you.” He replied, patting him on the back,  and then turned toward the screen and pointed at the lyrics, squinting at it, “You just gotta read the words from that.” Castiel looked terrified, but he nodded.

The first few lines of the song were already playing so Dean waited for the next line to begin.

  
♩ All I know is the way I feel ♩  
♩ When it's real, I keep it alive ♩  
♩ The road is long ♩  
♩ There are mountains in our way ♩  
♩ But we climb a step every day ♩  
  
  
Dean nodded to Castiel and he joined in, fumbling through the first few lines before he got comfortable with the tune.  
  
  
♩ “Love lift us up where we belong, ♩  
♩ Where the eagles cry, ♩  
♩ On a mountain high, ♩  
♩ Love lift us up where we belong, ♩  
♩ Far from the world below, ♩  
♩ Up where the clear winds blow, ♩  
♩ Some hang on to use to be, ♩  
♩ Live their lives looking behind, ♩

  
Dean turned to Castiel, who was watching him and nodded, miming that it was his turn and Dean stepped back and watched Castiel begin to Sing, who for what it was worth did it well, even if it was a little off key and deep.

  
♩ All we have is here and now, ♩  
♩ All our lives, out there to find, ♩

Dean stepped forward and started to sing again; he turned to Castiel; forgetting that there were others out in the crowd and gestured for Castiel to start again at the chorus.

  
By the end the lights went up and Dean stared at Castiel, swallowing thickly and then turned to the crowd grinning, “give it up for Cas!” he shouted through the Microphone, and the crowd roared and clapped while Castiel shyly bowed. They handed the microphones to the man who stepped out on to the stage, and they quickly moved back towards their seats, and Dean moved toward the bar to order a couple more beers.

  
He handed one to Castiel and grinned, “That was awesome.”  
He sat down and looked over the stage,  and watched as a man stepped onto the stage to sing grease lightning, he turned back to Castiel and nodded toward the stage, “yeah, figures he’d get the good one.” However, he smiled none the less; it was the most fun he has had in a long time.

  
Castiel laughed, “it was fun though. I wouldn’t do it again, but I enjoyed it.”  
Dean grinned, “you were awesome up there; you got a nice voice.”  
Castiel shook his head but shrugged and looked at his watch, Dean leaned over to take a look. It was close to eleven, and as he straightened up, the room began to spin, and he figured they should leave soon unless Castiel wanted to carry him back.

  
“Did you wanna go soon?” Dean leaned in closer to Castiel’s side to talk to him over the screams of “Grease lightening!” and Castiel nodded. Being so close to Castiel’s ear, he could smell the aftershave he was wearing and he almost audibly groaned. Whatever it was he wore; it smelt so amazing.

  
He straightened up again and took a mouthful of the beer, “we will drink this and leave." He said, and Castiel nodded; knocking back his own beer.

  
Ten minutes later, they were walking back to the hotel; Dean’s head was spinning, and he felt happy and began to sing the song that he and Castiel sang at the bar quietly; it just wouldn’t get out of his head, and Castiel chuckled at him and he tried to encourage Cas to sing the other parts. Castiel shook his head but kept glancing over at him as they reached the hotel.

  
“I had fun tonight, Dean,” Castiel said out of nowhere and Dean stopped singing and looked at him.

“Yeah, me too, it was nice.” He moved closer and put his arm around Castiel’s shoulders, “ You know what? I thought this week was going to be the same-old boring meetings and crap, but it’s been really, really awesome.”

Castiel nodded, “Same. It’s definitely been better.”

They stepped into the elevator, and Castiel punched the eleventh-floor button; Dean kept his arm around Castiel’s shoulders; he didn’t let go until they were outside Castiel's room.

‘Hey, Come to mine for a while, We can drink the alcohol in the mini fridge; it’s on Dick Romans dime.”

Castiel looked towards Dean’s door for a moment and then back to him, “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea after-“ Dean placed his finger on Castiel's lips and shushed him, “we don’t speak about that, come on; I can’t drink it all alone.”

Castiel sighed, nodded and then smiled. “Okay, why not?”

Dean grinned and turned them both to his room, and he fumbled for the keys for a second before he unlocked and opened the door and pulled Castiel inside and shut the door behind them.

He moved to the mini-fridge and pulled out the small bottles of spirits, tossing some to Castiel, and he knocked back the first one and cringed at the sharp burn.

“Woah! That was strong.”

  
Castiel opened his and knocked it back, drawing his lips back a little at the burn, and Dean was impressed; the guy could handle his liquor.

An hour later Dean watched as Castiel full body laughed at his own joke, he loved hearing it; that smile, the way it made his eyes sparkle and without thinking, Dean leaned in once Castiel stopped laughing and kissed him.

Castiel reciprocated immediately, and Dean sighed at the touch of their tongues and deepened it until Castiel slowly pulled away.

“Dean, we should-“  
Dean shook his head, “stop talking.” He commanded, and leaned back in; kissing Cas, enjoying the taste of the alcohol as he licked into the other man's mouth.

  
They slowly moved lower to the ground until Castiel was laying on his back and Dean leaned to the side of him, coming up for air for a moment, before kissing again.

  
Dean felt like a teen again; giddy with the newness, and he sighed into Castiel’s mouth.

  
Castiel’s hand travelled down Dean’s chest until they reached his belt; he hesitated for a minute before he began pushing the leather strap through the metal buckle.

Dean paused for a moment and just stared into the darkened blue eyes and leaned in to kiss his lips and then pulled back to stand up; offering his hand to help Castiel on to his feet.

Castiel looked at him quizzically, and Dean gestured to the bedroom. “It’s more comfortable in there.” He explained and Castiel nodded, so he lead Cas into his bedroom and shut the door behind him.

  
It was dark inside but Dean could make out the outline of Castiel, and he moved in close again, running his hands-down Castiel's body, while Cas did the same, when he reached the hem of his shirt, he lifted it up and over Castiel's head and tossed it to the side and leaned in closer to kiss the other man's neck, as his hands traveled back down to the buckle of Castiel’s Jeans.

He swayed a little, and Castiel noticed and pulled them both next to the bed, and undid Dean's jeans; pushing them down past his hips and knees until Dean stepped out of them, he undid his own and threw them to the side. 

Dean looked down at Castiel and leaned in closer to kiss him again before pulling back and climbing onto the bed and tugging Castiel to join him at the top. They laid side by side, and Dean rubbed his thumb over Castiel’s cheek and then moved back in order to kiss him again, this time more deeply, the kiss heated and Castiel turned them both so Dean was laying on his back as Castiel leaned over him, and he felt Castiel’s erection pressed hard against his thigh.

He shifted his body slightly so he could move his hand into a position where he could easily stroke him outside of his boxers, and Castiel pulled back from the kiss and put his forehead against Deans as he moaned from the friction and pushed himself more against Dean’s hand.

  
Dean smiled and moved his hand so he could slip it inside the man's boxers and wrapped his hand around the considerable length, taking in the feeling of it in his hand, the weight and heat that came from it. Castiel moved his face; to the side of Dean’s neck; breathing heavily as he rutted into Dean’s hand before he moved his own hand down to slip beneath Dean’s boxers.

  
Dean moaned out at the first contact, twitching slightly; the feel of Cas's hand wrapping around him made him buck upwards, seeking out more friction.

  
They both slowly began to slide their hands in time and Dean tilted his head to encourage Castiel to bring his head up, and Castiel lifted himself up a little and then leaned down to kiss Dean again; both taking deep breaths every now and again, while they brought each other closer to an orgasm, It didn’t take as long as Dean thought it would before he felt his balls grow tighter, and Castiel’s grip tightened around his length, increasing the speed and Dean followed; matching Castiel’s strokes until they both began to rut into each other's hands.

Dean came first, muffling his pleasure as he tried to remember to keep the pace; bringing Castiel to his own orgasm; which didn’t take more than a few more strokes of his hand, and they slowed down their movements until they felt each other begin to soften; Fell back against the mattress; groaning at the mess that was now covering them both.

  
Castiel leaned down and kissed him chastely before he pushed himself off the bed to go into the bathroom. Dean heard the sink tap turn on and then quickly shut off, and Castiel was back with a cloth in his hand.

  
He felt the cool wet cloth against his stomach and side, and then it was gone, leaving the chill of the room to cool his skin down. He shivered.  
He groaned and stood up, feeling the room moving around him as the alcohol ran through his blood, and he pulled the blankets back and fell back into it.  
He fell into a deep alcohol-induced sleep before Castiel even came back out of the bathroom.

 

********************************

  
  
Castiel stepped out of the bathroom and heard Dean’s light snoring.  He stood still for a moment and considered joining him on the bed, but decided instead to put his clothes back on and sneak out of the room.  
Once he was in his own room, Castiel pulled off his clothes and fell into his own bed and stared up at his ceiling.

  
He officially cheated on his wife. Dean cheated on his wife. They just fucked-up everything.

  
There wasn’t a simple solution. He had to work with Dean, but it wasn’t just that. He liked Dean, and he wanted more from him. That made him feel ashamed, He was a married man who wanted another man, had cheated with another man. The fact that he wanted another man wasn’t the problem; he was bisexual; he had sexual relations with another guy before.  One that his father had discovered one late night, which was why he was told he was marrying Amelia the moment that he turned eighteen; he was informed that if he declined, then he would be disinherited, and he would no longer be considered a part of their family.

So he married, had children and made his father proud. The problem was, in the will there were stipulations, he would lose everything if he left Amelia, or if he sought sexual comfort elsewhere. Castiel knew what his father meant by that, and so he had to remain married, and remain faithful; although that was now completely screwed up.

  
He sighed; it was probably all a moot point anyway, Dean will more than likely wake in the morning and regret everything and push him away, then request for someone else to work with him on the product placements.

Castiel sighed, turned over and tried to sleep, it was past two in the morning before he finally dozed off to sleep. 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

He was dying.

 

  
 It was the only thing that could explain why he felt the way he did. He braced himself and opened his eyes and white-hot needle pain stabbed behind them;  he whimpered, the throbbing pain blanketed his entire head, “Dear god almighty, please have mercy.” He whispered.

  
He tried to take a peek at the clock; the light from outside streamed through the curtains causing lightning strikes to course across his head, and he retreated back into the safety of his bed covers.

He tried to run his tongue over his lips to moisten them; however, he found himself with very little saliva; his mouth felt sticky like glue, and his throat was dry. He whimpered at another lightening type pain shot behind his eyes.  As if he wasn’t suffering enough, his stomach churned, and he heaved from the wave of nausea, he bolted from his bed to the bathroom and leaned over the toilet bowl just in time for his stomach to expel its contents.

  
He gripped the seat as his stomach convulsed repeatedly; the throbbing in his head intensified, pulsing like a racing heartbeat. He waited for the break in the wave and fell back limply against the wall beside the toilet; keeping his eyes closed, the walls of his skull felt like they were contracting in and out with his heartbeat, squeezing tight around his brain while the lightning struck behind his eyes.  

  
His stomach churned again, and he lurched forward; back to the toilet bowl, his stomach convulsing once again. Once his stomach stopped, he remained where he was; hugging the toilet; completely aware of the germs that were probably crawling onto him from the toilet, but since he was dying; he didn’t care. 

  
He heard someone call out, and he closed his eyes; wishing whoever it was would go away. 

  
“Cas?”  
“God…. “He muttered and then prepared for more pain that was about to strike. “I’m in here.” He called out and whimpered as several lightning strikes coursed through, and the walls of his skull squeezed his brain like a tube of toothpaste.

He reached forward and pulled the lever of the toilet and then leaned against the wall; wiping his mouth with some toilet paper.

He heard a soft knock, then the door was pushed open and the person stepped inside. He squinted and found Dean looking down to him, concerned.

“Kill me.” He mumbled; He heard Dean step closer.

“Aw, Someone has a hangover?” Dean teased; chuckling and Castiel whimpered at the sound of Deans voice.

 “Go away.” He whispered and winced from the pain that followed.

Dean's voice softened, “I’ll be back in a Sec; I’m going to get you some water and painkillers.”

  
He tried to nod, but the pain intensified by the action, and he couldn’t help but wince in time with the pulsing pain.

  
He heard footsteps quietly enter the bathroom again, and Castiel felt the rim of a glass against his lips just before cold fluid slowly poured between them. He swallowed the water and opened one eye; squinting. “Thank you, ” he said hoarsely; trying to ignore the pulsing pain.

  
He felt the shape of the tablet as dean placed it between his lips, and he moved it further into his mouth using his tongue, and the glass of water was back again.  
Dean repeated with the second pill, then moved out of the room momentarily before he came back in and crouched down beside him.

  
“I’m going to help you get back to bed.”  
Castiel shook his head and groaned with the pain. “No, it hurts too much to move.”  
“You’ll be better in the bedroom; the painkillers will start to work soon. You need to drink some more water, and I’ll get a bucket in case you need to throw up again.”  Dean tugged gently, “C’mon.” Castiel shook his head, and leaned forward and crawled across the hard cold tiles of the bathroom and out into the bedroom.

  
He managed to get to the bed and stopped, and reached up and pulled the blankets down around him on the ground. It was nicer; darker than on the bed,  and he could hear Dean chuckling.

  
“God, you have a whopper of a hangover.”

  
Castiel pouted, “Why don’t you have one?”

  
Dean crouched down beside him, “I don’t know, but after seeing you, I’m not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth.”

  
Castiel groaned as a wave of nausea churned his stomach, “What time is it?”  He opened one eye and watched as Dean moved to sit down beside him. “It's just past ten. You left your door open last night; I came to see if you were in and wanted to join me for breakfast, and the door opened as I knocked. “

  
He frowned, how did he forget to lock it? He reached into his memory, and the night came flooding back to him; albeit hazy images came back, and he remembered being in Dean’s bed, “Oh.” He said; shutting his eyes again.  
The pain was subsiding, and he felt some relief; his body relaxed a little.

  
“Dean, last night-“ ,  
Dean cleared his throat, “doesn’t need to be talked about.”

  
He nodded, “very well.” He said quietly, _so that’s how it was going to be; pretend it didn’t happen?_  

  
He opened his one eye again and peered up at Dean's face, “You might as well go down on your own; I don’t think I’m up to having breakfast."

  
Dean shook his head, “No, I’m going to stay here and make sure you’re alright.”  

  
He lifted his head; testing the limits and found that the pain was now a faint thud, and so he raised himself slowly to sit up. “I’m fine, see?”

  
Dean shook his head, “I’m not leaving you here on your own; I take half the responsibility of your hangover.” Dean reached up to the side drawers and picked up the glass that was sitting on it, “Drink this.” He commanded.  
  
Castiel took the glass and took a few sips; testing to see if it would make him feel sick again and then took a large gulp of the liquid. It felt nice against the back of his throat. He looked over at Dean, trying to figure out what might be going on inside his head; he wouldn’t ask, if he wanted him to know, he would tell him, but he seemed unhappy, and he couldn’t help feeling that he was the cause of it, but he wouldn’t pry.

  
He pulled the blanket closer around him and then settled his attention back onto Dean, “I think I might cancel my meetings today,”

  
Dean glanced over to him, “Oh? “ He inquired and seemed a little… hopeful?

  
“Yes, I don’t think I could manage to sit through more sales talks, or employment dissatisfactions and store change ideas today. “ He smiled and pulled himself carefully to his feet and shook his head gently to test for pain. He felt none, and he grinned. “The painkillers worked.” He moved to sit on the edge of his bed and felt his stomach swirl, and frowned, “but my stomach hasn’t settled yet.’

  
Dean pushed off the floor to standing, then stepped over to the bed and sat beside him. “That’s because you need to eat something that will absorb the remaining alcohol and line your stomach. I suggest we get room service on Mr. Romans account, after all, you didn’t have the fine dining with the expense charged to my company."

  
Castiel grinned, “ Sounds good,”

  
Dean stood up and moved out of the bedroom and then returned with a 'hotel room service menu'. “Okay, let’s see what’s good for hangovers.”

  
They spent ten minutes going through the different choices, debating on if it really was a cure for a hangover. Dean all for the greasy food is a good theory and Castiel opting for the healthier the better one, and it took a while before they agreed with the dishes. Castiel took a shower while Dean called room service; directing them to bring it to Mr. Novak’s room.

  
Fifteen minutes later, the trolley was brought into the room and on it was a mixture of food; Castiel opted for toast and honey, banana, a bowl of oats and crackers, while Dean went for Sausages, Bacon,  scrambled eggs, Toast.  
Dean piled his plate with bacon and offered some to Castiel; who adamantly shook his head; Feeling like he would throw up just at the sight of it.  
Dean shrugged and added more to his plate.

  
Castiel pulled the toast toward him and picked up the butter and added a thin layer over two pieces and then spread with honey. Dean looked over and pulled a disgusted face and looked to him. “What?  There’s nothing wrong with this; however, that… it’s a heart attack waiting to happen.”

  
Dean looked down at his own plate and then to Castiel's; he shrugged and stabbed a large amount onto his fork and shoved it into his mouth.

  
Castiel returned his attention back to his toast and picked up one-half and began to eat; it was hard; his stomach was telling him ‘no' but he ignored it; with any luck, the toast would soothe it, and if it didn’t the banana or oats might.

  
They ate in relative silence, and Castiel went back to the night before; feeling the guilt bubble just beneath the surface, and he tried to shove it aside, it wouldn’t happen again, it was pointless beating himself up for something he couldn’t change and the alternative was telling Amelia and then leaving; which would just hurt everyone.

He would be out of the company; his share being taken away; he would lose his family, both his immediate family and his wife. Amelia would be hurt; his girls would have to live in a broken home. It wasn’t worth all the pain to say anything. It just couldn’t happen again, but it was hard, watching Dean; something pulled him like gravity closer to the man; like a magnet, and he made Cas feel alive; in a way that he had never felt before.

  
Dean caught his attention as he waved his hand, and Castiel looked at him.

  
“What’s up?”  
Castiel shook his head, “Nothing.”  
Dean gave him a pointed look, “don’t give me that, I could see something was wrong; you were worried about something. “

  


He licked his lips; he didn’t want to bring it up. Dean had made himself clear that he didn’t want to talk about it. He shook his head, “Honestly. it’s nothing important.”  
 “Don’t bullshit me.”

He sighed, “You are not going to want to hear it.” He sat back in his chair; discarding his toast.  
Dean paused and stared at him, searching his eyes and Castiel glanced down, unable to look at Dean in the eyes.

  
“Alright, let’s have it.”  Dean sat back in his own chair.

  
He hesitated, but then leaned forward in his chair again, “I’m feeling guilty about what happened last night.” The moment he said it, he wished he could take it back, Dean’s reaction was to shut down, and he knew he would.  
He sighed, “this is why I didn’t say why.”

  
Dean glanced over to him and then looked away; licking his bottom lip and then leaned forward again. “Yeah, I do too.” He admitted.  
He watched Dean for a moment and leaned forward again, “ it can’t happen again, it’s not fair on them.” He felt his stomach dropping with every word he spoke; feeling like he was betraying himself with each word.

  
Dean nodded, “I agree.”

  
Castiel felt an unexplainable feeling of disappointment; not the usual disappointed feeling, but something that went deeper, perhaps it was more an ache that intensified, he wasn’t sure which. But he masked it with a smile and nodded.

 

Dean’s mood appeared to have soured, and he didn’t know what to do to make it better again, then Dean surprised him as he asked him, “Who is Meg to you?”

 

Castiel stared blankly at him, where was that coming from? “Meg?”

  
Dean nodded and ran his teeth over his lower lip. “Yes, Is she like a mistress?”

  
Castiel blanched at that, “What? After I just told you I feel guilty, you’re accusing me of having an affair on my wife with her?” he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the accusation.

  
“I didn’t accuse you; I asked you.” Dean retorted.

  
Castiel shook his head and ran his teeth over his bottom lip. “No Dean, she’s my best friend, we’ve known each other since we were kids.”

  
Dean stared at him for a moment before he stood up and began to pace the room, rubbing his chin with his hand.“ You really expect me to buy into that?”

  
He couldn't believe what he was hearing; he stood up to face him, “Yes, because it’s true!”

  
Dean shook his head, “Nah. I don’t think that’s the whole truth, “

  
He felt his anger rise, and he stepped closer to Dean until he was just inches away, “It’s the damn truth, and even if I was, what the hell has it got to do with you? You and I, we’re nothing, you pretend that much at least!”

  
Dean startled, but didn’t budge, looking him straight in the eyes, “Maybe that’s because I don’t want my son to grow up without a father like me and Sam did, maybe I’m afraid that I might be falling for you and there’s nothing I can do about it. You’re married! I’m married! We have children for gods sake!. So why don’t you back the fuck off, haven’t you fucking heard of personal space?” Dean stepped around him and left the room; slamming his door as he closed it.

  
He was left standing; stunned, how did that escalate so quickly? He sighed and sat down at the breakfast table; picked up his toast and then tossed it back down again. What the hell?

 

**************************

Dean stepped into an alleyway and paced up and down, kicking at some cardboard boxes that littered the floor and then turned towards a bunch of them piled high and let his fists hit them; causing them to fly across the alley, when they were no longer standing, he spun around and hit the large dumpster bin; ignoring the sting to his knuckles as he rapidly punched into it, then kicked it until he finally felt the anger lower to a simmer. He stood staring into the street beyond the alley; heavily breathing. He didn’t know why he exploded at Castiel, or why he accused him of having an affair with Meg; he knew they weren’t.

  
One second they were having breakfast, and everything was normal and then everything just crashed and burned.

  
It all started with Castiel's damn talking about last night. When he woke up, he wasn’t sure it happened until Castiel mentioned it, he thought it could have been some drunken wet dream, but it did happen, and he not only cheated on his wife by kissing someone but now for almost sleeping with them; well just one step away.

  
Castiel was right; it couldn’t happen again, but it hurt when Cas looked at him dead in the eyes and said that. He would be lying if he denied his pride got hurt; being told under no circumstances would it ever happen again, and Cas smiling made it all the worse; it was not something he enjoyed the feeling of. He liked Castiel a lot, more than he should since he was a married man, and for the first time in his whole time of being married, he wished he wasn’t; he wished he was free to see where things would go, and then there was Cas, he was married too; and he made it clear; he didn’t want anything to do with him.

  
He was going to keep his distance from Castiel until he left to go back to Michigan, and then maybe in six weeks everything will be different, and they could then work together without him feeling anything for the other guy.   
 He felt the sting more intensely than before and looked down at his hands; blood covered three of his knuckles on his left and four on the other. He shook them and hissed at the pain.

  
He slowly walked out of the alleyway and turned down the street, he needed to stay away from the hotel; away from his room.

He made his way down to the diner, how he would explain his knuckles to them, he didn’t know, but he just needed to see people he loved, people who were there for him and Sam when his father disappeared for months on end.  
He stepped into the diner, Ellen smiled but it faltered when she looked him up and down and focused on his hands. “What happened?” she looked him over to see if there was any more damage, once satisfied that he was otherwise undamaged, she lifted his hands to inspect them more closely.

  
she looked up at him again and repeated, “What happened to these?” 

Dean shook his head and looked up, feeling his eyes fill up with tears, maybe it was a bad idea coming to see Ellen. The concern that she showed him, made him think about his mother, and he wanted to lean into her and let it all out. He cleared his throat, “It’s nothing, I just, um, punched a dumpster bin.”

  
Ellen gestured towards the back of the diner; to the door that took them through to the stairs that led to their apartment.  
He nodded and followed her through and then up the stairs.

  
He sat down in her lounge room as she came around with a first-aid kit and a bowl of water that had a cloth already soaked in it.

  
She gently brought his left hand forward and began to clean it, and he hissed at the contact but otherwise remained still.

  
“Now, you’re going to tell me what happened, and I don’t want any story about it being nothing because obviously, it is. Is it Lisa?”  
Dean shook his head, “No, it’s not Lisa.”

Ellen placed the cloth into the bowl and looked up at him, “Then it’s someone else?”

He hesitated but nodded.

Ellen paused, “It’s Castiel?”

He looked around the room; trying to gain a little more time, but then returned his focus to Ellen and nodded, “It’s Cas.” He confirmed, and Ellen picked the cloth up and returned to gently clean his hand, “You want to talk about it?”  
Dean watched as the cuts became visible underneath the blood, and he looked back up to Ellen, her attention wholly on his hand. “I cheated on Lisa.”   

  
  ******************************

 

Castiel rubbed at his eyes; feeling his headache coming back, but waved enthusiastically when Emily came into view of the camera, Amelia encouraging her to say hello. “Hey Baby, “ he waved at his own camera and smiled when she found herself on the screen near the corner and started making funny faces. “I miss you,” he tried to gain her attention, but it was hard.

  
“Hey, I’m going to head off; I have a headache coming, and I need to finish sending emails, but I was thinking that maybe I can come home this weekend for a few days?”  
Amelia smiled tightly and nodded, “The girls would love that.”

  
“Okay, I will book a flight to come back on Saturday, and I’ll leave to come back here on Monday evening.”  
Amelia nodded, “Okay,”

  
Castiel could feel the tension coming from her; he had to fix it. He couldn’t keep going away and leaving her to raise the two girls alone. “Bye Emily, “ he waved but his little girl wasn’t paying him any attention; Amelia waved goodbye, and she closed the connection.

  
He sighed, put his laptop to the side and went into the kitchen to fill a glass of water, then knocked back two painkillers.

  
He had several emails he needed to reply to from Michael and several from suppliers; he sighed and moved back to his computer and settled in for several hours of work.

  
By four o'clock, he had enough, his eyes were blurred from looking at the screen for so long and decided to go down to the expo, maybe he could smooth things over with Dean. He found it hard concentrating on the emails, all he could think about was what Dean said, and even though he did love Amelia, and she did deserve more; he just couldn’t deny his feelings for him.

  
He walked into his bedroom and changed out of the track pants and shirt he was wearing and left the room, but when he got into the hall, he noticed that Dean’s booth was empty, he moved among the tables until he reached the table next to where Dean’s should have been and asked about his whereabouts.

  
Dean hadn’t been there all afternoon, and so he moved back through the hall and went back to the eleventh floor and stared at Dean’s room.

  
He hesitated for a few minutes, debating whether to or not, but he finally straightened and purposely moved towards Dean's room.  
  
He knocked the door and waited, but no one answered; he spun around as he heard someone behind him and felt the disappointment as he saw a woman from the cleaning service moving down the hall, expecting her to use the lift, but she didn’t.

  
She moved to the side of him and pulled her key and opened Dean’s door and Castiel curiously moved in a little as she stepped inside. The room was empty.

  
He looked over to the cleaning woman, “Um, excuse me?”

  
“Yes, can I help you?” she asked.

  
He nodded, “yes, can you tell me if the guy was here moved rooms?”

  
The woman shook her head, “no he checked out around midday.”

  
“What do you mean checked out? “

  
The woman shrugged,”I was told that I needed to do a full clean, ready for the next guests.”

  
Castiel nodded, “Thank you very much, you’ve been helpful.”

  
He returned to his own room and pulled out his mobile to check if Dean had tried to call him or text him, but other than a few short text messages from Gabriel, there wasn’t anything.

  
He opened up a new text message to Dean and began to type, not totally sure what he wanted to say.

  
**Castiel** : Dean, I went into your room and was informed that you checked out, are you okay? I know we had a bit of a disagreement, I’m sorry. Can we talk?

  
He paused, and then deleted the message and began again.

  
**Castiel:** I like you a lot, can we please talk about it?

  
He paused once again, he shook his head and deleted it.

  
He thought for a moment and then started again.

  
**Castiel:** I’m sorry.

  
  He sighed and pressed 'Send.'  


 

 


	5. Chapter 5

   
Dean woke to the sound of rustling of someone moving around the room; he heard a cup being placed on a surface and then the fresh smell of coffee assailed his nose. “Mmm, smells good.” He cracked one eye open and scanned the space until he found Ellen standing nearby watching him; with that look that only mothers seem to be able to give, the one that makes you feel wrapped in a warm soft cocoon of blankets; safe, protected but most of all, loved. “Morning sugar, how did you sleep?”

  
He blinked his eyes fully open and pushed himself into a sitting position and groaned as his back twinge. “ Yeah, I slept well. “ He rubbed his eyes and looked up as she moved forward to sit beside him; pulling one of his hands in her lap to undress the bandage, “And what about this, is there any pain?” He shrugged, “a little, but they will heal.”

 She gave a nod and tilted his hand from left to right and leaned to the side of the sofa to pick up the first aid box. “I will just add a bit of antiseptic to make sure that no infection gets into these cuts. You know... They look a lot deeper than I thought. You might need stitches.” He shook his head, "No, they'll be fine. "

She sighed and pulled out a tube and squeezed some onto her finger, he flinched as the stuff stung for a second, and she looked up apologetically to him. “Sorry.” She whispered. He gritted his teeth anticipating the pain on the next three knuckles, and then she bandaged it and reached forward; gesturing for his other hand.

He placed his hand in hers and watched as she undressed it and then applied the cream to the three cut knuckles; the pain wasn’t so bad, and he relaxed.

Once she was done he picked up his cup of coffee and took a few cautious sips. “Thanks, “ he said; smiling and she shook her head, “Don’t mention it. Have you thought about what you’re going to do?”

He took another sip from his coffee, then placed it on the coffee table; shaking his head, “I don’t know, I have Lisa and Ben, but I can’t stop thinking about him. I can’t come clean to Lis’ because she will leave and take Ben with her, and since I’m not his biological father, she could, and would keep him away from me.“ He sighed,

“You’re registered as his father on the birth certificate though, she doesn’t have a leg to stand on if she tried to keep you away. What makes you think Lisa would do that anyway?” Ellen tried to reason, but he shook his head, “She could take me to court, or visit the dick who’s the father and somehow gets his DNA. Either way, once the DNA proves Bens not biologically mine; my rights will be gone. And as for knowing Lisa will do it, she’s threatened to do it  a few years back when we were going through that rough period.”

Ellen tilted her head, “Hm, and you are sure that things with you, and he is over?” she asked.

  
 He nodded and looked down at his cup, “Yes, he made it perfectly clear yesterday. “ Dean knocked back the last of his coffee and placed the empty cup on the coffee table.   
  
Ellen moved around to sit on the table; moving his cup to the side. She leaned forward, “What are you going to do when it’s time for you to work with him again?”

Dean shrugged, “I don’t know; I will keep it to just business; ignore how I feel; with any luck, I’ll be over whatever this is by then and everything will fall back into place.”

He didn’t believe that; he felt something break deep in his chest when he read Cas’s apology, and it hurt more than he expected. Cas ended any hope of a friendship or anything else; not that he was hoping for more; at least that’s what he told himself as he shoved the feeling aside.

Ellen interrupted his thoughts, “And?”

  
He looked at her, “and what?”

She sighed, “And what if the feelings are still there, what if this Castiel feels the same way? You two can’t sneak around the backs of your wives; you either need to be all in, or all out. I’m speaking from being a married woman, If Bobby found someone else, I would prefer that he told me, rather than sneaking around behind my back, It’s what I deserve.” 

 “I’m all in for Lisa and Ben, if there’s something there, between him and me, then there’s something there, but I have no plans to do anything about it. I’ve been with Lisa for ten years; I’m not going to destroy her life… or Ben's for that matter. I promised her that I would take care of them both when she found she was pregnant. I won’t let her down; especially when it could be for something that turns out to be nothing.”

Ellen stood up and stroked his head, “Well, whatever you decide to do, I’ll be here for you, “ she ran the palm of her hand down his cheek; moving down to cup his chin,  “but if you choose to sneak around, I can’t promise you that I won’t be disappointed.”she added; letting his chin go.

 He ducked his head, “Thanks.” then lifted it and smiled weakly, “Thanks for letting Lisa know I’ll be home today, and for letting me use your sofa last night, I couldn’t stay at that hotel…”

“Anytime Hun. I should be getting back down to the diner before the mid-morning rush comes in.” She patted his shoulder gently and left the room.

He glanced to the window; a dog barked in the distance and he got up and walked over; pulling the curtain back out of the way and looked down onto the street below, he watched as the rain increased and people picked up their paces, some disappearing under the covers of stores. 

 He made to turn away and noticed Castiel hurriedly walking down the street towards the diner; rain already beginning to soak his coat; his hair wet and sticking up in all directions.

He moved back from the window; in case Castiel looked up and found him;  he moved over to the stairs as he heard the bell ring from the door.

  
He could hear the risings and fallings of conversation in the diner and the clink of cutlery on the plates and cups, then the recognizable deep voice spoke; he crept down to the bottom; making sure to keep out of sight should Bobby or Ellen opened the door.

“I am going back home over the weekend and thought I would come in and drink one of your coffee’s before I catch my flight.”   
“Oh? I bet you can’t wait! “  
Castiel chuckled, “I miss my children; it’s always nice to be home.”

  
Dean moved quietly as he could back up the stairs and into the apartment; he felt the urge to throw something, but he paced the floor instead; attempting to calm himself.

 Castiel was laughing; he didn’t know what to expect of him, but laughing was far from it, he thought that he might have been a little sad. But why? They didn’t know each other much; a few days didn't change an entire lifetime, or a person's feelings, but perhaps it was because he hoped that he felt the same way.  

 And why did he feel like he did about Cas? Why had he turned his life upside down in just a few days?

Castiel made him feel better, yeah, maybe that was what it was. He was a distraction, someone who made him feel better.

Could it be because he and Lisa were going through a rough patch?

 At the thought of Lisa, he sat down; he didn’t know what he should do, could he live with the guilt of cheating on her?  He couldn’t tell her, he knew that for sure.

Everyone believed they were high school sweethearts; no one except Ellen, Bobby and Sam knew what really happened. They were best friends for most of their high school years; they dated for a short time, but things just didn’t work; she liked going out, and he spent most of his time taking care of Sam, so they called it off,  then a year later Lisa knocked his door; needing someone to talk to.

******************

  
Lisa paced Dean’s  kitchen, “I took a test.”

He walked over to the sink and filled a saucepan with water; the kettle blew up weeks before, but he didn’t have the money to replace it until he got his first-month paycheck. “A test? What like a maths one?” he asked.

Lisa shook her head and moved to the table and pulled out a chair and sat down, frowning.

He turned off the tap and discarded the saucepan, he walked around to stand in front of her and she ducked her head, he crouched down to meet her eyes. “Lis’ what’s wrong?”

Lisa’s eyes became watery, and she wiped them, then looked up from the floor to meet his eyes. “ I’m; I’m pregnant.”

Dean held back his surprise and searched her eyes for any sign that she was just trying to play a joke on him and all he could see was fear.

“Whose?” he asked, reflexively;  wondering if it could have been him; although it had been a while since they slept together.

She smiled weakly and shook her head,  “It’s not yours.” She assured him.

He didn’t know how he felt about it; a part of him felt a little disappointed, but he wasn’t sure where that came from.

He had just started his new job, and having to deal with only himself; with Sam in Stanford,  but maybe that was the reason; he had no one to take care of anymore. He didn’t like going home at night to the empty house, cooking for just himself and then waking up in the morning and having no one there to talk to.

Lisa drew his attention back to her. “It was some guy at a bar; It was a stupid one-night thing. Dean, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“Let me take care of you and the baby.” Dean blurted it out not sure where it was coming from.

Lisa’s eyes grew wide with surprise, “What?”

“Marry me, It makes sense; we like each other; we’ve been best friends since junior high, I have a good-paying job. Sam’s just left for Stanford, I’m here alone. It makes sense.”

Lisa slowly shook her head, “Dean, do you hear yourself? No, it doesn’t make sense.”

Dean stood up and paced across the kitchen, “Why not? Come on, it makes perfect sense, We get married and when junior is born, I  will be his or her dad, “ he turned back to her, he crouched back down; to look into her eyes,  “I can take care of you both; this will be a good thing.”  

Lisa stood up and shook her head more adamantly, “No Dean; It wouldn’t work, “

He  straightened up again and turned to her and sighed, “Let me take care of you.” He pleaded.   
Lisa turned on him, “It’s not your job to take care of me! “

Dean stepped back but didn’t back down. “No, it isn’t my job to take care of you, “ He paused and then stepped forward and took her hand in his. “I want to take care of you and your baby; and, well, I do love you.”   
Lisa looked into his eyes, and he searched hers, waiting for her answer. She stayed quiet for a long time, shaking her head minutely.

Hope rose as he watched her face relax, appearing more open to the idea, and then she nodded as fresh tears gathered in her eyes, ”Yes. “ She whispered; tears slipping down the side of her cheek, she wiped them away and nodded, “Alright, Yes. “ She repeated.

Dean in a moment of  joy pulled her tightly to him, and leaned his cheek against her head, “I promise I’ll never let you or junior down.”

Dean shook his head clear as he heard the door to the apartment open. He glanced up to find Ellen rushing through into her kitchen and then hurriedly walked back out with a bag of sugar in her arms, “shut the door for me?” she shouted over her shoulder as she made her way back down the stairs.

He shut the door and moved back over to the window; peeking through a gap in the curtain, his life with Lisa wasn’t perfect; they had a lot of ups and downs; he was well acquainted with the sofa, so suffice to say, their marriage was rocky, but they made it work. Ben was his son, maybe not by blood, but he was there from the first six weeks into her pregnancy, through the cravings, the labor false alarms, through the 37 hours of labor; through his birth, every day since. He was mostly happy with his choice; well, was up until the moment he met Castiel. Lisa gave him everything he wanted in life; so he thought.

He moved away from the window and sat down and glanced at his watch; he had an hour before he would leave to get on the plane back home to Lisa, and he couldn’t wait to see her; once he saw her; he knew things would feel right again.

**********************************  


However, that didn’t happen, Dean finally got back home at eight-thirty, and the house felt cold and uninviting, Ben rushed down the stairs and hugged him then they both went through the kitchen and found Lisa making him dinner. He moved around the counter and greeted her with a kiss, “Hey Hun," he greeted, and she smiled, turned around to the stove,“Hey. Dinner will be ready in five minutes.”

  
He glanced around the kitchen, “Okay. I’m going to put the case in the bedroom and wash up.” He turned and moved out of the kitchen, picking up his suitcase as he went up to their bedroom.   
Once dinner was eaten, and he tucked Ben into bed and told him a story, he kissed his head and said Goodnight and then went back downstairs; finding Lisa in the lounge room.

He took a beer from the fridge and joined her on the sofa and glanced over at the book she was reading, lifting the back page a little to take a peek at the spine of the book for its name.

’You’re reading a new one?” he asked to make conversation. She nodded and closed her book and put it to the side of her, and turned in her seat to look at him.

“We need to talk.” She said immediately and he inwardly sighed; he was hoping she would leave it for the night.

“What, now?”

“What’s wrong with now? “

He sighed, “I guess there’s nothing wrong with now, “ he gestured for her to start and took a swig from his beer.

  
“These late nights and nights away have to stop.” She demanded.

  
He shook his head, “I can’t just stop doing my job because you told me to.”

  
“Why can’t someone else from Roman enterprises do it? Why does it always have to be you? You’re hardly ever here! If you’re not working until close to midnight, you are jet-setting off on business meetings and overseeing deals. Surely there're more people who’re better su-", Dean held his hand up, “Tread Lightly, Lisa,” he warned, feeling his temper rise; he was sick and tired of hearing the same complaints.

“ Why should I? I have to put up with these absences every fucking night, and I’m the one who has to break it to Ben that you aren’t going to make his games, and school events. I have to see the disappointment; not you!”

Dean was done; he wasn’t dealing with this shit, not after the last twenty-four hours, he stood up. “Woah, that’s enough. “ He tried to keep his voice low, not wanting Ben to hear the argument. “I have bent myself backward for ten fucking years to get us here; I have done everything, and I mean everything I could to make sure you and Ben have everything you need, and that you want for nothing. I have made deals with dicks that I would rather punch than shake their hands. I have done everything in my power to be there for Ben. If I refused to do what Richard asks, I lose my job, and we end up the same way Sam and I ended up growing up. I won’t let you and Ben go through that! So don’t you dare try and sit here and make me out to be some fucking bad guy for working hard to provide for my family! And Thank you for showing concern over my hands, they are just cut by the way, but I guess that’s something you don’t give a fuck about. “ He stared down at Lisa, heavily breathing, and he knew he overstepped the mark again; he shook his head and closed his eyes.

 “You know what?” he stepped through the lounge door, “I’m going to sleep in the guest room.” He left and marched up the stairs; feeling the anger drain out of him as he got near to the top.

**********************************

  
Castiel stood in the first Iowa stores with boxes surrounding him as he went through and checked them against the order. He glanced up every time he heard the door open thinking it would be Dean. He said he would meet him at nine o'clock, and it was drawing closer to nine.

He was nervous; the six weeks dragged along slowly, and he couldn’t stop thinking about him and the last time they were together; the anger that was there, the sadness, the accusations. He told himself over and over that it was stupid; Dean was just another person he dealt with, sure normal deals didn’t end up with him in bed with them, or making him feel things the way Dean had, but he didn’t know much about him. He thought seeing Amelia would help center him; even hoped she would make him forget.

It had the opposite effect. Laying beside her each night, he wished it was Dean. Each kiss, he wished it was Dean, watching a movie next to her; he wished it was Dean. Everything seemed so pale in comparison.

 The touches, the kisses and even the sex lost its color. It all felt like a chore, and it saddened him to realize that it had always felt like that. He just didn’t notice it until he met Dean;  the sensations and feelings were never there with him and Amelia.

He almost walked out several times over the six weeks; he packed  a small bag and put it in the car and would sit there in the driveway, willing himself to do it, but then his thoughts turned to his daughters and not long after he pulled the keys back out of the ignition and took his bag back inside; Amelia was none the wiser, and he felt ashamed of what he had become.

He turned his attention to the pumps outside the front as he heard a car, he stepped from behind the boxes as the engine shut off.

He moved to the window and watched as a man stepped out of the Chevy Impala,  he admired the leather jacket, and the jean-clad ass when he bent over to check something near the back wheel. He turned towards the store frowning as he looked around.

He sucked in air in both surprise and anxiety; seeing Dean dressed as he was; next to that machine of a car, he felt his heart beat faster, and he moved away from the door as Dean stepped forward toward the store; back behind the boxes and picked up his clipboard; which slipped out of his hand as the door opened, he bent down to pick it up and he heard a low whistle from behind him. “This is a lot of stock.”  He stood up and spun around; staring blankly at Dean for a second before he gathered himself and looked around him. “Yes, this is all from your company.”

Dean circled around the outside of the boxes, and once he moved out of sight Castiel straightened his clothes and inhaled deeply; closing his eyes then exhaled and opened them. He stepped out from the middle of the fortress of boxes and found Dean looking at the labels, and he ran his hands over his jeans. “Are you looking for any boxes specifically?”

Dean turned to him and smiled and then turned back to the boxes, “ We need the box with the signs and posters in it.” Castiel nodded towards the register, “I put that aside at the front.” He licked his lips and moved around Dean to get behind the front counter, and heard Dean follow behind. He looked up at the ceiling briefly and breathed out.

He stepped behind the register and picked up the box; placing it on the counter.  Dean leaned over to read the label. “That’s the one. Do you have a Stanley knife?”

Castiel leaned down and poked around the cupboards underneath until he found it and then straightened up and handed it to  Dean.

Dean quickly cut the seals and opened the box and began pulling out different sized signs.   
“Okay, so there’s a mixture of signs here, it depends on how big the area will be for what sign you use. Where is it all going?” Dean glanced up and then looked back into the box; pushing things around.

Castiel cleared his throat and pointed, “It’s going to be over in that corner; Simon is just moving the stuff off the shelves now so it will house the new products. “

Dean picked up the box and moved over to the corner that Castiel showed him and put the box on the ground and stood back to look at it. 

 Castiel watched him as he took in the size of the shelves. Dean moved to the other side of the aisle; directly behind,  and looked over to him, “You’ll probably need these ones too.” He suggested and Castiel nodded numbly; Dean was acting like they didn’t even know each other.

They spent the morning going over the boxes, and then the promotional discounts which would run for the first month. Dean explained that the order was at a discount price due to the promotion, finally moving on to make sure that the correct amount was delivered.

They took their lunch separately; Dean went out in his car, and Castiel sat in the staff room and ate a bowl of nachos; feeling miserable. Everything had changed, the easy friendship that was growing was gone.

By the end of his lunch, he cleared his head, if Mr. Winchester wanted it to be just business, then that’s what he’ll get.

He stood up and threw the disposable dish away and walked into his small office. He took off his Gas and Sip vest, removed his Jeans and pulled out his suit that he kept with him in case it was needed and put them on.  

He picked up his tie and turned to the small mirror in the corner of his room and tied it around his neck and then adjusted it to make sure it sat right. He pushed his feet into his shoes and then straightened up, tugging at the arms of his suit to make sure it was in place and then left the room.   
When he walked out into the store, Dean was already back; explaining to Simon what the discounts were for what, and answered questions about the nutrition of the products; which Dean gave Simon a chart to look at and put behind the desk.

The Shelves were almost filled thanks to Simon and when Dean looked up, he glanced twice and Castiel nodded, keeping his face neutral. “ Is there anything else that we need to know?" he gestured towards the products, and Dean shook his head.

 “Well, then, Mr. Winchester, I think we will be fine on our own to continue today; you needn’t stay around. “ He turned away and strolled over to the counter and spoke to Simon about the shelves, then turned and walked into his office without looking back at Dean; he might as well call the next store and let the manager there know that he would be there tomorrow to deal with the boxes filling their storeroom.

Once he hung up the phone he found Dean standing at the door and about to knock.   
He raised his eyebrow, “Yes, Mr. Winchester? Is there anything else I can help you with?”

  
Dean stepped in; shaking his head, “No, I, um, “ he glanced up from the papers he was going through as Dean cleared his throat. “I was thinking, maybe we should like, meet later and go over the plans for the next store?”

  
Castiel put the papers down and looked at Dean, not sure what to make of it; he shook his head, “I can’t; I have plans. “ He lied.

Dean nodded, “Right, Okay; it’s not that important; it can wait until tomorrow.”   
Castiel nodded and pushed some papers on his desk, pretending to be busy, “Well, um, Okay, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good day Mr. Novak.”

  
He began to leave and Castiel looked up, “Leave the door open Mr. Winchester.”  Dean looked over his shoulder and shrugged, “Sure.”

Castiel watched Dean disappear out of sight, and he leaned back in his chair, that was difficult to keep up and felt relieved that it was over. He loosened his tie and looked down at his hands until he heard footsteps hastily coming into his office.

Dean shut the door, turned the lock and took three strides and was beside him, and he stood up, “What?"  he felt surprised as lips crashed down on his and hands on the lapels of his Jacket, pulling him and keeping him from stepping back.

He melted into the kiss, god, how he had missed those lips.  Dean turned him, so he was standing against the desk, and then he pulled away from him, breathing heavily. Castiel searched Dean's eyes; trying to make sense of it all.

Dean didn’t take his eyes off him as he removed his leather jacket; tossing it on the office chair before reaching over to take Castiel’s one off and tossing it over his shoulder to join his one on the seat.

He licked his lips; wanting to ask what he was doing; but he wanted to see what Dean would do next,  so he just continued watching; keeping eye contact with Dean as he removed Castiel's tie, and unbuttoned his shirt, then turned to his own shirt; pulling it over his head.

Once they were both bare-chested, Dean leaned in and kissed him hard,  seeming desperate in his need, but a little hesitant too; pulling back a little; hovered and delved back in.

Castiel needed it; had craved it for too long, and he pushed himself away from the desk; turning them both so Dean was against it.

Dean pulled back and looked at him; not saying a word, but as Dean searched his eyes, he could see that the man was looking for an answer.  Castiel brushed his thumb down Dean’s cheek; down to his lips, and gently ran It across his lower lip, he licked his own lips; wanting to lean in and kiss them again, run his tongue across the path his thumb took.

 He dragged his eyes away from his mouth and back to his eyes. Dean’s eyes turned from questioning to trusting and Castiel leaned in and kissed him, taking it slow with lazy flicks of his tongue; barely a gap between them, Dean moaned and pulled him closer, removing the gap between them and Castiel deepened the kiss, licking into Deans' mouth.

His hands trailed down the sides of Deans body until they reached the waist of Dean’s jeans and slowly began to undo them.  He pushed them past his hips, allowing them to fall to the ground as he ran his fingers across Dean’s waist, stomach and hip bones, until he ran his fingers beneath the waistline of Dean’s boxers and dropped them to the floor.

He kissed him for a few more seconds as he felt Dean shiver beneath his trailing fingertips and pulled back; breaking the kiss. He lowered himself to his knees slowly; kissing a path down Dean’s chest as Deans hand came to rest on the back of his head.

He fantasized about this, desperately wanting to feel the weight of Dean's length in his mouth, and if this was his only chance to finally do it, he was taking it.

He glanced down at Deans hardening dick and licked his lips; he looked back to Dean’s face, watching as the green of his eyes disappeared behind dilated pupils, and he raised his hand to wrap around the length.

Dean’s mouth parted slightly and Castiel leaned forward and began to lick the head of his erection; wanting to make Dean lose control of himself, to relax and enjoy what he could give him if he just let go of everything.

He licked up the shaft and then down and then wrapped his mouth about Dean’s length, taking him as far as he could before slowly withdrawing and then moving back in again; each time taking a little more into his mouth. He glanced up to see Dean's eyes fluttering closed, and he smiled inwardly and sunk down that last little bit deeper, then withdrew until only the head of his dick remained in his mouth. He swirled his tongue, and licked the underside before taking Dean’s dick fully into his mouth again, and held him there and closed his eyes; relishing the feel of his mouth stretching around the girth, enjoying the feel of the hot, soft skin of his dick against his flattened tongue, breathing steadily through his nose.

He didn’t move until Dean’s hands gripped the back of his head firmly, and pushed his hips minutely. He began at a slow, measured pace, swirling with his tongue every now and then between sucking; hollowing his cheeks.

Dean moaned out from the back of his throat and it excited him;  feeling his own dick strain against his pants. He groaned; the sound vibrating through Dean's length and was rewarded with Dean dragging his hands through his hair.

He took his time lapping and sucking, drawing out noises that made him want to take care of his own discomfort, but he held back, placing his whole focus on pleasing Dean; who heavily breathed above him; his head thrown back.

He raised his hand to take hold of the base of his length and began to quicken his movements; bobbing his head faster, and cupped Dean’s balls; rolling them firmly in his palm of his other hand. Dean’s breathing became labored, and he whispered, “Cas; I’m gonna cum.”

Castiel picked up the pace, ignoring the burn down the back into his throat; he closed his eyes, centering on wanting to give Dean something he wouldn’t forget quickly.  

The man shouted out above him, and he felt the hot liquid spill down his throat before he tasted the saltiness of his cum. He slowed down and concentrated on swallowing before he finally pulled off.

  
He swallowed and winced at the slightly bruised feeling in the back of his throat, then looked down to Dean’s ankles and slowly pulled his boxers back up to his hips and then did the same with his Jeans.

He rose to his feet; ignoring his own desperate need for release and turned and picked up Dean's shirt and Jacket. “Meet me at my hotel at eight tonight." He kept his eyes on Dean as he reached around him to pick up a pen and then some paper, and only dragged his focus away when he moved to the side and leaned over to the desk to write down the address and room number of where he was staying, and then returned his attention to Dean, holding out the paper.

Dean stared at him; seeming lost for words and he took the paper and nodded softly.

  
Castiel stepped away from him and picked up his own shirt and turning his back to put it back on; he could feel Dean’s eyes on him for a while before he heard the man move away, and as he pushed the last button through the hole of his shirt, he heard the lock click and the door open and then close.   
He turned around and stared at the door; he wasn’t going to give Dean an excuse to shut down or change his mind. He glanced down at himself and groaned at his own erection, at least it was now only half hard.

He sighed and sat down at his desk; picked up the cup of water that sat to the side and took a long swallow of it before he placed it on the desk and picked up a letter and unfolded it and hoped Dean would show up; He didn’t plan on letting Dean go again.

He pushed all more thoughts aside and put all his attention into reading the letter  
  

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, 
> 
> So I said I'd have this posted by yesterday but to be honest, I'm afraid of writing Sex/smut scenes/parts so I've been nervously trying to write it... and rewrite it.. and rewrite again (and several more times). 
> 
> So I decided to drink alcohol to write it, and drank a little more than I was going to. If there are typos... issues... confusing parts.. I'll fix it up over the next week when I can get on the computer again. I hope it's okay for you guys! <3

Dean paced his hotel room with just a towel around his waist; it wasn’t a good idea. He should stay in and catch up on Emails and then have an early night.  It was definitely a bad idea to see Castiel.  

His mind flicked back to Castiel’s office, the way Cas had looked kneeling in front of him; the feeling of Castiel’s mouth wrapped around his dick. He groaned as he felt himself harden, and he pushed his hand against his groin in a pointless attempt to stop it.

It was stupid. He couldn’t go, shouldn’t go, but he had to see what it was that made him gravitate to Cas. He needed to see if it was mutual, But then what? He couldn’t do it to Lisa; he couldn’t let her down.

Over the six weeks, they eventually managed to sort  most of the problems; Ben stayed at Sam’s for the week while they hashed out everything, putting everything; except him cheating, onto the table and Lisa backed off; dropping her issues with his job commitments, and for the most part; it was fine; except, it wasn’t.  He couldn’t shake Cas out of his head. Every time he saw someone with a tanned coat, he couldn’t help but think of him. The six weeks were excruciating.

He thought it would be easy to ignore his feelings. At the Gas N Sip, it was easier to do it because there was work to do, but Cas dismissing him, it turned him on. He needed him, more than he would admit.

Dean glanced towards the clock and watched as the hands made their way to Seven Forty-five; he had to decide; this was either a make or break moment for them.

He walked into his bedroom and got dressed and then sat down; watching the minutes change, bringing him closer to eight. He wanted to see him so damn much. However, there was no going back if he went over there, he wouldn’t be able to stop if something began, after, could he live with whatever happened?

The clock turned eight. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

  
*********************************

  
  
Castiel stepped out of the drugstore and tucked the bag under his arm as he walked to his car and slid into it.  He leaned over and opened the glove compartment and shoved the small bag inside it, then leaned back in his seat and felt the anxiety slowly calm down. He started the engine and pulled out of the car lot; the items could have been bought at the Gas N Sip, but being seen buying condoms and lube wasn’t on his bucket list. If one of the employees took it back to his brothers, it would be twenty-twenty questions; there was no reason he would need that stuff while he was working away from Illinois.

He licked his lips nervously as he focused on the road. It was presumptuous to assume he even needed the stuff. However, it was better to be safer than sorry, and if it wasn’t needed with Dean, well, there were other solo uses for them

As soon as he parked his car in the car lot, he leaned over and took the bag out of the compartment and shoved the contents into his coat pockets.  
He glanced at his watch; he had forty minutes before it was eight o’clock. He rushed up to his room; he needed a shower before Dean arrived; although it was again presumptuous to think that Dean would show up, he had to keep some hope, even if it was just a slither.

He rushed through to his bedroom and emptied the contents of his pockets into the drawer of his side cupboard. He went into the bathroom; turning on the shower taps and stepped back out to strip out of his clothes; tossing them into the corner of his room and then pulled out a nice pair of Jeans and a Henley shirt. He glanced from one to the other and placed them on the bed, then returned to the bathroom and took the shower.

By the time he was dressed it was seven fifty-five,  he moved into the lounge and checked over the hotel room. He picked up the cushions and tossed them onto a single chair in the far corner. Then he glanced at his watch again, seven fifty-six, leaving him just four more minutes. He picked up the pace and kicked a few things under the sofa and hurried into the kitchen to gather two glasses and the whiskey; moving them to the table across the lounge room.  

Castiel rubbed his hands over his thighs. He glanced again at his watch and found it was just after eight and Dean weren’t there.  He sat down on the edge of the lounge and wondered if it was all for nothing, and he chewed the inside of his cheek; feeling his stomach churn at the thought of him misunderstanding Dean’s interest in him. The knock on the door drew his attention. He stared at it, licking his lips; the nerves amplified and wondered if he imagined the knock, but there it was again. He swallowed hard and pushed himself to his feet and made them move toward the door and open it.

Dean stood on the other side; smiling confidently, "Hey Cas," 

   
He gave Dean a once over, he was wearing his leather Jacket, and a black shirt underneath, and Castiel hesitated for a moment, licking his lips. The guy did things to him that no one else could do, just from leaning against his door frame with a smile, he looked back up to Dean’s face, “Good evening Dean, Come in.” He gestured for him to enter.

Dean stepped through and then stopped just inside the room. “I wasn’t sure if I was going to come, I mean, I don’t know if this is a good idea, but…” He trailed off and looked around the hotel room. "Hey, nice suite!" 

"Thank you, I guess, " He smiled shyly and moved into the lounge area; Dean followed behind him. Castiel picked up the bottle from the table and poured them both a drink and handed one to Dean and gestured for him to sit down. 

 “Thanks,” Dean said, and then took a sip of it as he lowered himself on to the sofa; looking as nervous as Castiel felt.  He tried to think of something to say, to start a conversation but nothing came to mind and Dean suddenly stood up and moved over to the large window that overlooked the city, “You got a nice view from here.”

Castiel stepped over and stood beside Dean, “I haven’t really paid much attention to be honest.” He knocked back the whiskey; needing that bit of a buzz.

Dean watched him drain the glass and seemed to have taken it as a challenge and knocked back his own glass; a little faster than him. He chuckled, and Dean watched him for a moment before he broke into a wide smile that reached his eyes. “I guess my glass is empty.” He said; tipping his glass upside down to demonstrate.

He grinned, “Same again? I have some Drambuie if you’re interested?”  
Dean nodded, “That would be awesome.” He said and moved back to the sofa, “So how long have you been in town?” 

He took the bottle out of the cupboard and moved back to the table,  “A few days, not long, “He handed Dean his glass and then moved over to pick up a remote from the TV Cabinet. “What music do you like?  
Dean leaned back in his seat, “Classic Rock, like Led Zeppelin, there’re too many to name. “

Castiel looked down at the remote and pressed the magnifying glass to search for Led Zeppelin and pressed the first song that came up.”

Dean grinned, “This is one of my favorites.”

Castiel smiled and handed him the remote, “You can control the music.”

Dean took it and started browsing through the list and then looked around at the ceiling. “You know, I’ve been to so many hotels, but I think my boss was holding out on me; this sound system is awesome. Where’re the speakers?”  Dean stood up and moved about the room.

Castiel got on to his feet and gestured to his bedroom. “It plays in every room,” he said as he walked to his bedroom to show him an example.

Dean stepped through, “now this is awesome.” He looked around the room and moved to the window, “seriously, next time my boss makes me go anywhere; I’m demanding one of these rooms. This room is huge! “

Castiel took a sip from his glass and felt a little warmth creeping through him; he didn’t have time to eat, so there was nothing to soak up the alcohol. He sat down on his bed, leaned over to the side drawers,  and picked up another remote; he pressed the 'close' button, and the curtains slowly drew together.

Dean took a gulp from his glass and moved to the bed and sat down on the edge of it.

Castiel watched him; noticing the nervous energy as Dean bounced his leg, “You wanted to discuss plans for the next store?” he asked.

Dean turned towards him and gave a shy smile, “Not really; I just wanted to, um, see you. “

Castiel chuckled, “You could have just asked to see me; you didn’t need to make up an excuse.”

Dean laughed nervously but shrugged, “I’ll know for next time.”

Castiel patted the mattress beside him, “Come sit up here,” he suggested.  
Dean turned and looked at the space beside Castiel, hesitating before he scooted back until he was leaning against the headboard beside him.

He knocked back the rest of his drink and put it on the side drawers and then turned and watched as Dean downed his own and did the same. He shuffled a little closer, and Dean turned to him; licking his bottom lip, “Listen; we should talk about things.”

He paused, then nodded and leaned back again. “Okay, we can do that.”  
Dean licked his lips and turned to face him so it was easier to see him, “Okay… What’s going on with us?”

That took Castiel by surprise; expecting some tip-toeing around it for a while, “Well, I’m not sure, I’d like to think we have something?”

Dean nodded, “I think that too, but we aren’t, you know, free to do anything; you have your family and I have mine. I can’t leave my wife and son; I made a promise to her at the beginning that I’d never let them down. You can’t leave your wife; you have kids, and kids need their dads.”

He watched as Dean searched for some answer in his eyes, but he didn’t have one.  “Truthfully? I don’t know. I can’t leave Amelia because if I do, I will lose everything. “He sighed.

 Dean looked down at his hands; to his nails, “I’ve tried the whole staying away from you, but it doesn’t work.”

Castiel swallowed hard; the heavy feeling of guilt pressed down on him like a five-hundred-pound anvil. A total of six simple words that implied so much and yet if they were two single men, it would weigh nothing, dismissed as easily as a discarded plate of leftovers.

 It was the hardest thing he would ever say; the gravity of the words was so dense that he had to force his throat and voice box to work; they had the potential to hurt more than the two of them. He hesitated but finally said, “Then don’t stay away from me.” He whispered.

They stared at each other for a long time, the implication weighing heavy on them both.

He watched Dean lick his lips and minutely nod, and he leaned in order to kiss him; hesitating for a second, lingering just a breath away; waiting for a sign that Dean didn’t want it.

No sign showed itself, so Castiel leaned forward the whole way and pressed their lips together until Dean parted his lips; inviting him in. Castiel took the invitation and deepened the kiss until Dean shifted, slipping down the bed until his head was on the pillow, “sorry, the headboard is uncomfortable.” He said and then pulled Castiel close to meet his lips.

Castiel shifted carefully, keeping their mouths locked until he was laying flush against Dean; keeping himself supported on his elbow.

When they finally pulled apart, he pulled his pillow closer to Dean and watched him; his arm resting across Dean’s stomach; his free hand moved to take Deans hand in his in between them. “I want you to stay tonight.”

Dean turned  looking at him; watching him for a moment before he nodded once,  “I’d like that.”  

Castiel felt lighter, and grinned, “good.” He said

Dean shifted his body, laying on his side, “So, since you demanded me to be here tonight, do you have any ideas on what we can do?”

Castiel laughed, “I did not demand you,” 

“Oh yes, you did,”  Dean cleared his throat, “Meet me at my hotel at eight tonight,” he repeated; deepening his voice.

Castiel let out a howl of laughter, “I do not sound like that, and that wasn’t really a demand; It was more… taking control of the situation.”

“I liked it,” Dean said. “I liked it a lot.”

Castiel raised himself again; leaning on his arm, and smirked, “So you have a kink for someone taking control, huh?”

“What? No!” Dean looked away, and he laughed; seeing the blush creeping up Dean’s neck and cheek. “Mr. Winchester, are you blushing?”

“No, it’s the alcohol and this room; it’s hot in here.” Dean tugged on his clothes and then turned back to Castiel and smiled.

Castiel chuckled and leaned back over and kissed Dean, allowing it to turn heated until they both needed to breathe again.

“We could watch a movie?” he suggested, and Dean shook his head,  
Castiel chewed on his lip thinking of what else they could do, there wasn’t much going on in the town, and he preferred for them to not be seen together.

“What about the hotel bar?” he suggested and Dean shook his head, and he sighed and shrugged, “I’m out of ideas.” He admitted.

Dean pushed himself off the bed and stepped out of the room without a word but was back less than a minute later with the bottle of Drambuie in his hand; lifting it to show it to him, “We could stay in and drink this?” Dean suggested, and Castiel grinned. “ I like that idea.”

Dean held out his hand for Castiel’s glass, and he poured them both a full glass; Castiel raised his eyebrow at him. “Are you trying to get me drunk?”

Dean's bit his lower lip and smirked, “Are you protesting?”

Castiel shook his head, “No, unless I have another hangover tomorrow morning, I should probably order some room service for us, “  
Dean nodded in agreement, “that probably wouldn’t be such a bad idea, plus the pie is always a good dessert.”

  
Castiel laughed, “I’m starting to see a pie obsession with you, Mr. Winchester, “

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with loving pie, at least it has some fruit in it.”

“True, I guess, it’s the only time anything healthy passes through your lips.”

Castiel agreed and leaned in to kiss Dean again before he pulled back and picked up his phone to call room service.

They talked about things that happened over the six weeks, while they ate and Castiel was glad to hear about Deans new office and laughed at the mishap with his name and switched to teasing him; calling him, Mr. Smith. Dean tackled him onto the bed and tickled him until he couldn’t breathe.

“Okay, I submit! Mr. Winche- Mr. Winchester!” Dean chuckled, kissed him and then pushed himself off him. “That’s better, “ he said feigning annoyance.

Castiel shifted onto his elbows and watched as Dean pulled off his shirt, and raised his eyebrow when Dean glanced over at him. “It’s seriously hot in this room.” He grumbled.

The alcohol was in full swing in his blood and he grinned, “Maybe you should take off those Jeans too; they wouldn’t help the heat either.”

Dean shook his head, “Nah. You’re still fully dressed so I am not gonna be stripping out of my clothes until you do.” He stepped over to the bed and kneeled on the edge and looked down at Castiel.

He shrugged, “Fine. I can fix that. “ He pushed himself up and pulled off his shirt and tossed it on to the floor and watched Dean while he unbuckled his belt and pulled it through the loops and tossed it in the general direction his shirt went.  He laid back and unzipped and pulled off his own Jeans and then gestured for Dean to continue.

Dean shrugged, “Well, Okay, awesome.” He smiled and undressed down to his boxers and moved onto the bed.

“That’s so much better, still warm but least I don’t feel like I’m in an oven now.” He laid down beside Castiel on his stomach and rested his chin in his hands.

  
Castiel smirked, “I could have put the air con on, but I’ve been wanting to see you strip for the last forty-five minutes.” He laughed as Dean grabbed a pillow and hit him with it, and laughed harder when Dean climbed on top of him; pinning his arms above his head. He had no time to react before Deans’ mouth crashed down on his, and as he melted into the kiss, Deans hands let go of his wrists and Cas took the opportunity to tug Dean’s hips down, bringing them flush together and his hands roamed down Deans back, feeling the muscles taught until he reached his ass and he squeezed firmly. Dean moaned out and Castiel couldn’t help but raise his hips as he pushed Deans ass down and threw his head back as he panted. Dean moved his mouth down Cas’s chin, lightly nipping as he moved to his neck and his hand shot up to grip the back of Dean’s head, tugging lightly on his hair, bucking his hips a little; trying to gain more friction, then shuddered as Dean’s hot breath ghosted beneath his ear.

He was losing his mind, and raked his nails down Dean’s back; causing him to moan and raise his head to look at him, and then dip in to kiss him; more desperately than before.

Castiel couldn’t take it any longer, he needed Dean. He pushed and turned in one fluid motion and Dean made a sound of surprise as he fell back against the mattress and was suddenly staring up at him.

He smirked as he leaned down to lick and suck on Dean’s neck; being careful not to leave any marks. “I like being in control if you hadn’t noticed.” He whispered gruffly into Dean’s ear.

He snaked his hand down between them and dipped into Deans boxers, and took hold of Deans dick, and began a leisurely pace, pressing his thumb over the head of his cock.

Dean gasped and bucked up and Castiel turned his attention to kissing Dean, licking into his mouth and tasting the faded remnants of the Drambuie still there. 

He waited until Dean was close to cumming and then slowed down until he was just holding him in his palm, and Dean whimpered, lifting his hips. “Not yet, “ he whispered into Deans' ear and moved back to licking, nipping and sucking his neck.

He slowly pulled his hand free and kissed Dean one more time before he moved away, crawling up the bed to the top drawer and pulled out the condoms and lube and then moved so he kneeled between Dean’s legs and then kissed him again. He wasn’t sure if Dean wanted this, he pulled away from the kiss and rested his forehead against Dean’s as they caught their breaths.

“Dean, I, um, how far did you want this to go?” he whispered, not sure if he was going about it the right way.

Dean watched him for a moment and then laughed, “Are you seriously stopping to ask me if I want to be fucked?” he slurred, apparently feeling the effects of the alcohol too.

Castiel felt a little blush on his cheeks, but smiled, “Yes?” he answered and Dean pulled him back down into a kiss and tugged at Castiel’s hips; while raising his own.

He moaned into Dean’s mouth and ground down against Dean’s ass and they both moaned into each other's mouths. After a minute or so he pulled away, returning to kneeling between Deans legs and quickly removed his boxers and tossed them over his shoulder.

 Dean tracked his movements as he flipped the cap of the lube and put a small amount into his palm and spread it over his fingers as he rubbed his hands together so it covered both hands. He wrapped his fingers around Dean’s length, and he smirked when he heard him gasp at the sensation.

He glided his hand slowly up and down his shaft a few times before he lined his finger with Dean’s entrance and slowly pressed inside, watching Dean’s face as he did so. Castiel breathed out slowly, feeling the tight heat press against his finger and his erection twitched; needing desperate attention after it was denied pleasure earlier at the gas n sip.

Dean threw his head back and moaned out and he took in the beautiful sight of Dean spread beneath him on the mattress, he groaned and quickened his glides and he pressed his finger in past the last knuckle, and then slowed back down, waiting for Dean to grow accustomed to the intrusion.

 “Cas, is this some kind of ritual? “ Dean complained and Castiel chuckled, “if you ask me nicely, maybe I’ll go quicker, “ he suggested and crooked his finger to rub against his prostate which caused Dean to gasp and his whole body tightened,

He withdrew his finger and pressed in two and neglected Deans dick to concentrate on opening Dean up enough to take him without much pain then pressed in three, twisting and scissoring until Dean growled that it was enough.

He quickly rolled on a condom and applied lube and then lined himself up, and slowly pushed in, watching as inch by inch he was taken in until he was fully seated and he leaned down, nestled between Dean’s chin and neck, trying to keep himself sane enough to not set up a punishing speed and hurt Dean, the tight heat wrapped around him was more than he had imagined over the six weeks, and he could feel his body protesting the waiting while Dean’s body adjusted to him, once he had himself under control he raised himself and kissed him, “Happy?” he asked and Dean grunted. “Took your damn time.” He complained and Castiel laughed and pulled out enough that only the head of his cock remained and then pushed back in; enjoying the moan escaping Dean.

He started a slow pace, allowing them both time to adjust to everything and then increased it until he was practically slamming Dean across the mattress, Dean moaned and swore, and he thought he heard him call his names several times but he was so lost of being inside of Dean, feeling that tight heat clench and unclench around him that he was barely coherent.

He pushed himself back on his knees and lifted Dean’s legs over his shoulders and angled enough to slam deeper into him and Dean moaned loudly, feeling him flutter around him. “God…. Dean…  So.. Good..” he breathed out, and wrapped his hands around Dean’s length and stroked him to and through his orgasm.

He slowed his pace, he was so close himself and he just wanted to hold on a little longer, to enjoy the feeling of being inside of Dean, then slowly increased his thrusts again until he was almost at his climax and looked down, and watched as he disappeared into Dean and that took him over the edge, he shouted his release, feeling his body being sapped of energy with every wave, as it subsided, he slowly pulled out and collapsed beside Dean, both breathless and sweating.

His mouth felt dry and his head spun, and he concentrated on pulling off the condom and tying it before he dropped it to the floor, he was too muscle weak to get off the bed. He shifted closer to Dean and nuzzled into his neck. Dean pulled one of the blankets and wiped his chest and stomach and then chucked it on to the ground and turned into him. “Yeah, I was amazing.” He grinned and Castiel laughed, “You were.” he agreed and Dean chuckled, “You were too.”

Castiel wrapped his arm around Deans stomach and shifted until his legs were tangled in Deans and then fell to sleep.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel awoke as the hotel door closed and he slowly opened his eyes and found himself alone in the bed, his head lightly throbbing and groaned.

The copious amounts of alcohol the night before was probably a bad idea, he pushed himself to sit and glanced at the clock on his side drawers and found a glass of water with two pills sitting beside it, and with a note propped up against it with “Castiel” scrawled across it.

He sighed, he could already guess what it would say, something about it being a bad idea, they should keep to just business and maybe a “sorry” thrown in.

He picked up the folded paper and placed it on his lap as he reached for the pills and water;  throwing both pills into his mouth and washing them down before he was confronted with Dean’s rejection.

He lifted the paper and unfolded it and read the two lines _. “I didn’t want to wake you when you looked so cute sleeping; by the way, you do lightly snore.  Anyways, I need a change of clothes so gone back to my hotel.   See you at work.  Dean. :)”_

He smiled; feeling the relief wash over him and pushed the blankets aside and moved into the bathroom to relieve himself, then glanced in the mirror and groaned before he went back through the kitchen and found the kettle was still hot and proceeded to make himself a coffee before he had to start the day, he groggily moved back into the bathroom to shower and then dress for his day at the Gas N Sip.

By the time he got to the store, the Impala was already parked in the staff parking lot and he pulled his rental into the spot beside it.

He glanced in the store window and he could make out the blurred tall figure of Dean just as he stepped out of view and he pushed his door open and stepped out.

He was a little nervous, to say the least; not sure how Dean would be like, the morning after was always the worst, even though it had been a long time since he had a ‘morning after’ moment; which made it all the more intensely nerve-wracking.  He was no longer that young man who on occasion had those drunken one-nights with his peers; no he was a middle-aged married man with children.

At the thought of his wife and daughters, he felt guilty for what he was doing, but he shoved it down and stepped into the store.  He glanced around; the station was empty except for one customer staring at the magazines.

 He walked through to go to the office, but then poked his head into the storeroom and smiled, “Good morning, Dean.”

Dean turned his head; jumping a little, “Hi Cas, do you know if you got the box with the signs?”

Castiel stepped closer and scanned the boxes and then spotted it beside Dean’s head and nodded in the direction. Dean grinned and leaned in to kiss him and then pulled back, “Damn, I must have missed that one.”

 He smiled, “perhaps you need to see an optometrist to check your eyes.” He retorted and Dean chuckled and shook his head, “My eyes see perfectly.”

He didn’t know how to respond and so he stood awkwardly staring at him, Dean licked his lips and turned back to the boxes. “We should probably get this done, hey, what plans do you have later?”

“I don’t have any.”

Dean turned back to him, “Wanna do something, Go out and get a bite to eat or see a movie or something?”

Castiel shook his head, “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” he stepped forward as he saw Dean’s expression drop, “I mean, I want to see you, but going out, do you think it’s wise?”

Dean raised his eyebrow and shook his head, “what’s wrong with friends going out?”

Castiel nodded,  _friends._ “I guess nothing is wrong with _friends_  going out.”

Dean noticed the accentuation in his tone at the “friends” part and shook his head, “No, I mean, no one is gonna think something is going on if they saw us out somewhere together, friends go out places, we just… you know, can’t do  anything that would state otherwise in public, but we can go out and do something  without people suspecting anything  more.”

Castiel nodded, “true-”

“Mr. Novak, Can we have a moment?”

Castiel spun around and nodded, “Sure, Jenny, and call me Castiel,”

He turned back to Dean and gave him an apologetic smile, “We will discuss this later,” he added and then left the storeroom. “Is everything okay?”

Jenny nodded and then shook her head, “Is it possible for me to leave early today my mother is elderly and she’s sick, I have someone looking after her at the moment but she can only stay for the morning.”

Castiel smiled, “Of course, you can leave now if you need to, I can take over here for the day.”

Jenny smiled broadly at him; showing her relief, “That would be okay? I mean, if you need me to stick around, I can.” Castiel held up his hand, “No, go be with your mother, We- I will be fine here today.”

“Thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome, now go.” He encouraged her and she smiled then bounced off into the staff room, calling out over her shoulder, “If you ever need anything, just let me know, I owe you for this!”

Castiel smiled and then heard footsteps behind him, “Aw, you’re just a sweetie.” Dean teased and Castiel turned around and gave Dean a pointed look.  “Her elderly mother is sick, she should be with her.”

Dean smirked, “Are you sure that’s the only reason you said she could go, I mean, without her here, we have the whole store to ourselves.” He winked and Castiel grinned.

“Well, I wasn’t thinking about that, but now that you mention It, I guess there is an upside to having no other staff… except there are the cameras.”  Castiel gestured to the camera directly above them.

“Easy fix; we turn them off.”

He shook his head, “That wouldn’t be a good idea, if something happened, like a robbery, then questions would be asked why the cameras were off.”

Dean shrugged, “we turn one off then.”

 “That’s an option.”

Jenny rushed out of the staff room and waved as she made her way to the exit and he waved back; smiling.

 “I’m going to be here until five, and then Scott will be taking over. Paul will be in at one o’clock. ” He informed Dean and then moved to the checkout as a customer stepped into the station.

Dean disappeared back into the storeroom and came back out with several boxes.

They worked through the morning, it was taking longer than the day before because Dean kept distracting him, pushing him against the shelves and attacking his mouth in between customers and moving of the boxes.  Of course, he wasn’t complaining, he was enjoying this new attitude of Dean’s, it was making the day interesting, to say the least. The younger sales associate started his shift at one and they decided to take a break and go out for lunch.

Dean found a takeaway place and ordered them both a bacon cheeseburger and fries, then drove them to a quiet park and they sat and ate their burgers in a secluded area;  away from anyone that would recognize Castiel.

Dean sighed and he glanced over, “Are you alright?”

Dean shook his head, “Not really, it’s just, well, I drive back on Sunday morning, and it will be another four weeks before we begin the next round of stores.”

He turned to look over the lake, and watched the ducklings follow behind their mother; chewing on his lip as he thought about it, “You know, we could say that the delivery wasn’t complete, and have to wait another couple of days for it to be delivered? I know it doesn’t give much extra time, but it will extend until mid-next week?”

Dean glanced over the lake and turned back; smiling, “That would work.” He agreed.

“So tomorrow we will finish the last store and then we check out and go somewhere else, check in at a motel?” Castiel suggested and Dean raised his eyebrow, “a seedy motel?” He teased.

Castiel smirked, “If that’s your preference. I thought maybe a more upscale one, but I’m sure we can find a rundown somewhere.”

Dean laughed, but then sobered, “And how do we pay for this motel? I couldn’t add it to my company card, and well, I couldn’t use personal accounts…”

He thought for a moment, “I have cash on me… enough for a month at a motel, so don’t worry about that.”

Dean shook his head, “I’m sorry Cas, but I couldn’t allow you to pay for the whole thing-”

He sighed, “Dean, the money is a part of the company expenditure, so consider it as a holiday bonus for having the stores set up without a hitch?”

 “Seriously, that’s what we should call it?”

Castiel chuckled, “Well, if you have a better suggestion, I’m all ears.” He reached out and hooked his hand around the back of Dean’s neck and pulled him forward, bringing him close enough to kiss, and Dean moaned; the sound being muffled by their mouths being pressed together.

“Fine, we will call it a company bonus” Dean decided.

“That sounds good.”  Castiel looked at his watch and groaned, “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we should get back to the store. “

Dean scrunched up his burger wrapping and sighed, “Well, I guess the quicker we finish it, the faster we can get out of this town.” He smiled and stood up, holding out his hand to him.

He stared at it for a moment, then shrugged and allowed Dean to help him stand, then kissed him chastely and moved on to throw his rubbish into the bin, and waited for Dean.

 They spent the afternoon finishing off the displays and Dean took his time to finish so he would leave at the same time as Castiel, and then waited beside his car until Castiel finished speaking to the night manager.

He looked over his car and watched as Castiel smiled while he talked animatedly;  pointing over to the shelves and he found himself smiling; he wasn’t sure what was going to happen with the two of them but he decided he was going to let whatever this was, just happen.

He felt guilty for what they were doing, but he couldn’t stop it; either way, his marriage was broken. He could stay away from Castiel, but he would still think about him, would still want him.

Then the way they were doing it, he will still be thinking of Cas when he was with her. He would feel guilty both ways, and so it didn’t matter what he did, the marriage was broken.

 He shook his head and closed his eyes, it was a weak excuse, he knew it, but it was also true. He wouldn’t be able to live ignorantly and feel happy in the marriage, maybe if he and Lisa were in love when they married, it would have been different but when you looked right at it. His marriage to Lisa was a marriage of convenience, a sham.  And then there was Cas, he was forced into marrying his wife.

He sighed, he was again making excuses, and he pushed the thoughts aside as Castiel stepped out of the store and was walking towards him; smiling.

“So, Mr. Novak, your place or mine?” Dean grinned as Castiel glanced behind him seeming concerned that they were being overheard.

“Dean, please, if anyone overhears-”

“Cas, relax, no one would jump to that conclusion.” 

Castiel stopped beside his own car, and gave a half smile; still glancing over to the station window, “well, I’d still prefer if you were a bit more discreet.”

He rolled his eyes, “fine. Since you didn’t give an answer, you can come back to mine.”

Castiel nodded and opened his car door, “I need to stop off at a store on the way so I’ll meet you there.” He added over his shoulder as he slipped into his seat.

Dean gave a half wave and opened his own door. Castiel started his own engine and he watched him reverse out of the parking space, and then pull out onto the main road. He reversed out and turned in the opposite direction; back to the hotel.

Once he got inside, he did a quick check of the place, making sure it was tidy and turned the kettle on and threw his jacket onto the lounge chair, then moved into the bathroom to freshen up.

He stepped back through the lounge and heard his mobile ringing, he searched his jacket pockets until he found his mobile and then bit his lip, staring at Lisa’s name, he could reject the call but she would ring again later, so he may as well answer it.  He swiped to answer and brought the mobile to his ear.

“Hey babe,” he answered as casually as he could.

“Hey, I just wanted to check in to see how things were going?”

Dean bit his lip and looked to the ceiling; feeling guilty for what he was about to say, “yeah, I was going to call you, it’s not going as well as expected, the second store has a problem.”

“A problem?”

“Yeah, the order wasn’t right, so I’ve got to stick around for a little longer and wait for the rest of the delivery. “

It was silent on the other side for a moment and Dean wasn’t sure if Lisa was still there. “Lis’?” He asked

“Yeah, I’m here, well, I guess it can’t be helped. Just, hurry back as soon as you can, okay?”

“Yeah, I will, there’s one more store after this one and that’s it for this round, it will be another… three, four days tops, and I promise I’ll be back.”

“Alright, have you got plans for tonight?”

He shook his head, then realized that Lisa couldn’t see him and sat down, “No, not really, Castiel; the manager is coming around in a while about the other store and the mix up of this store and then I’m gonna head to bed. How’s Ben?”

“Ben’s staying over at Lucas’s tonight,”

“Oh, so you get a night to yourself, I wish I was there,” Dean looked up to the ceiling again, closing his eyes tightly; shaking his head minutely, feeling the guilt twist and churn in his stomach.

“I miss you too, but I have some of the girls from work coming over, and I know how you love those nights.”

He half-heartedly chuckled, “yeah, I love them as much as I love vegetables.”

He heard the doorbell ring through the phone.  “I guess that’s my cue to say Goodnight.  Enjoy yourself, and we’ll catch up tomorrow night.”  Lisa agreed and they hung up the phone.

Someone knocked on his own door and he moved towards it; turning off his mobile and placed it on the counter as he stepped past

He opened the door and found Castiel standing with his hands full; in one arm, he held a large brown bag, and in the other, he carried two more plastic bags.  Dean sniffed at the air and felt his stomach rumble of hunger, so he opened the door wider for Castiel to step inside.

 “I weren’t sure if you liked Chinese so I just went ahead and ordered a lot of different dishes; you do like Chinese, don’t you?”

 “Yeah, I don’t have it often, but I do like it on occasion.” He waited for Castiel to place the bags onto the counter and he leaned over and peered into the brown bag and began pulling out the cartons; sniffing them as he put them down.  Castiel took off his coat and placed it on a chair and moved back to the counter and helped to open the lids.

Dean found the sweet and sour pork, honey chicken, noodles and the Chow Mein and moved over to retrieve two forks from the kitchen drawers.  Castiel laughed and handed him a pair of chopsticks, “You’re meant to eat Chinese with these.”

Dean stared at the sticks and shook his head, “I prefer a fork, I like it when it’s still hot, and more in my mouth than on my lap.”

Castiel smirked, “I’m sure I could find a way to remove any that misses your mouth and lands in the vicinity of your lap. He glanced down and slowly dragged his eyes back up Dean’s body and he could feel himself swelling to half mass.

“Easy, if you keep going like that, this food will go cold and untouched.” Dean looked Castiel over and licked his bottom lip.

Castiel chuckled and Dean returned his attention to the cartons, shifting from one foot to the other as he tried to find a more comfortable position.

 He poured half of the pork in the box onto a plate and then moved to the noodles and honey chicken. Castiel filled his own plate.

 Dean stepped over to the lounge to place his plate onto the table, then moved back into the kitchen to grab two glasses and his bottle of whiskey; taking it back to the lounge and poured them both a glass. He picked up his plate and sat down as Castiel moved over and sat down beside him.

“I sent Amelia a message to let her know that I won’t be back until next week,” Castiel leaned back on the sofa and picked up his chopsticks.

He waited until his mouth was empty, chewing as quickly as he could before he replied, “Yeah, Lisa called just before you arrived, I told her that I’ll be another three or four days. She was fine with it. I still have to settle things with Dick though, ‘cause he’ll expect me to report back on Monday morning, I can’t give him the same excuse because he will look into it. I’ll have to figure out what I can say to him.”

“Why don’t you tell him that I’m considering another store and I’ve arranged a meeting for Tuesday to discuss it? That would buy you a few more days’ right?”

He shook his head, “No, ‘cause when I go back and I haven’t bagged another store he will be pissed off that I wasted the time.”

Castiel sighed, “Well, what if it’s to add another store in Illinois? Make it four stores instead of three.”

“Wouldn’t your brothers have a say about that? we’re under a contract.”

Castiel shook his head, “To be honest, my brothers don’t care, the only reason Michael wanted the slow integration is because his ex is dating Richard Roman; he hates the man.”

Dean felt his eyebrows rise, “Really?” It would explain why Roman wanted the deal with Gas N Sip so much and why this one specifically gave him the promotion he had been wanting to get for the last three years.

Castiel nodded, “Yes, but keep that to yourself.”

“Sure, it’s not like I stand around the water cooler gossiping with the girls.” He grinned and Castiel laughed.

“I could honestly see you doing that.”

“Hey, I’m not that kind of girl!” He retorted and then burst out laughing as Castiel half laughed, half inhaled his food and ended up projecting it across the room.

He patted him hard on the back as Castiel tried to hold in his mirth, his eyes crinkled and Dean wanted to lean in and kiss him, but he restrained himself while Castiel still had food in his mouth.

“Steady on there, I don’t want you choking to death.”

Castiel settled down and shook his head, “If I was going to choke to death in this room, it would be for something much more enjoyable.”

He flushed a little and busied himself with eating another forkful of noodles, “Touché.” He conceded as he leaned forward to pick up his glass to wash down the food. Castiel picked up his own glass and took a large swig and then placed it back down and took another chicken ball from the chopsticks, and Dean stared at him.

“How do you do that without dropping anything?” He asked; impressed.

Castiel shrugged, “I’ve had a lot of practice over the years. Do you want me to teach you how to use them?”

He nodded, “Sure.”

Castiel held out his chopsticks for Dean to take, and then lifted his right hand. “So, relax your hand; use your dominant one, and take the chopstick and place it in the V of your thumb and first finger.”

He glanced once at Castiel’s hand and concentrated on putting the chopstick in the place Castiel instructed; making sure to keep it relaxed.

Castiel nodded his approval, “Okay with your third finger- which is the ring finger, let the chopstick rest on to it,” He nodded as Dean balanced the stick, feeling his tongue sticking out a little. He looked back to Cas once he had it balanced properly.

“Good, okay, now the second one needs to rest on the second finger, so you end up with your middle finger between the two.”

He placed the chopstick as instructed and waited for Castiel to continue.

“Okay, so now, you need to grip the second one a little tightly, but not too tight. Try and keep the first one quite loose in the crook of your two fingers.”

Dean nodded and Castiel leaned over and placed his hand on his own. “Okay, so use your index finger and second finger to open and close the second chopstick.”

Now, this was where he usually had a hard time to operate the damn things, but with Castiel’s guidance he opened and closed the chopsticks a handful of times and he smiled, “Wow, I think this is the first time that I’ve been able to control these properly.”

Castiel smiled, “See if you can do it with some of the chicken, don’t squeeze too tightly because the chopsticks will flip and the chicken will-”

Both of them watched as the small piece of meat popped out and hit the table, they both laughed and Dean shrugged, “fly like that?”

 “Yes, okay try again; with less pressure.”

Dean tried again, concentrating to make sure his hand control was more gentle, and he whooped once he had the ball of chicken in between the two sticks, but now he had to master putting it into his mouth without it falling out; which wasn’t as easy as it should have been, he dropped it a few times but he finally managed to pick up the chicken and put it into his mouth.

It took so much time that it tired him out; way too much work just to eat something. Castiel leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “Congratulations, you are now skilled at eating with chopsticks.”

Dean shook his head, “I still prefer the fork,” He handed the chopsticks back and returned to using his fork for the rest of his dinner and then put the plate onto the coffee table in front of him and picked up his glass and leaned back against the sofa.

He yawned and looked at the clock and saw it just past seven. Castiel laughed, “Tired already?”

Dean nodded, “Didn’t get much sleep last night, and I’m surprised you’re not.” He raised his eyebrow and Castiel shrugged, “I‘m tired, but I’ve learned to ignore it.”

 “Want to sleep over?”

Castiel smirked, “Sleep?”

He huffed out a laugh, “Are you always up for more?”

Castiel shrugged, a smile creeping across his face, “Not really, but I can’t help it around you.”

“Well, what if we get a shower and then head to bed and see what happens? He suggested.

“Together?” Castiel raised his eyebrows.

He rolled his eye and sighed, “Yes, together.”

“I like that plan,” Cas said; smirking and then stood up and waited for Dean to get up and move through to the bedroom.

Dean turned as he reached the bed and Castiel was already stripping; he took a moment to enjoy the view of Cas stripping before he undressed and then moved into the bathroom. He turned the shower on and then stepped in as the water heated up. He held the curtain open and waited for Cas to step through the door, but when steam started to cover the ceiling of the room and Cas still wasn’t in the room, he called out, “Cas?”

“I’m coming, just putting some things in your drawer, I hope that’s okay?”

“Uh, Yeah, just hurry up and get in here.” He called back.

He smiled as Castiel came into view and he invited him into the shower.

 It was a little weird; having Castiel in the shower with him, but as he followed the contours of Castiel’s muscles from his neck to his forearm, he felt his body react and he blushed as Cas’s eyes flickered down, then raised his one eyebrow and smirked.

Dean licked his lips and shrugged; as he leaned forward to pull Cas towards him, then captured his mouth for a kiss; he groaned into Castiel’s mouth as their erections rubbed together.

He stepped slowly backward until they were both under the spray, but didn’t stop kissing him until his lungs were burning.  He blinked the water out of his eyes and blew it away from his mouth as he watched Castiel.  His hair partially flattened to his head; other parts were sticking up.

He smiled and reached up to the corner shelf and picked up the shampoo; squeezing a little into his palm and reached forward and gestured to Cas, waiting for permission.

Castiel nodded and Dean didn’t hesitate to run fingers through Castiel’s hair and begin to gently rub it into his scalp. Cas moaned out and Dean watched as his eyes fluttered closed and he smiled; returning his focus back to what he was doing.

“Okay rinse.” He whispered; not wanting to break the silence. Castiel opened his eyes and blinked a few times before he registered what Dean said and stepped back into the spray and rinsed off.

Dean busied himself washing his own hair and wasn’t paying attention to where Castiel was until he gasped, his eyes flying open and looking down into the blue eyes of the man kneeling down on the tiles; his mouth stretched around the girth of his cock and a twinkle in his eyes.

Dean felt the sting of the shampoo and cursed, trying to concentrate on washing his eyes, but the soft, sucking pressure was making his knees shake, how the hell did he learn to suck like that? He groaned and closed his eyes; leaning back against the wall.

“God, Cas, s’ good.” He mumbled, but then lifted his head as the warm softness disappeared and lips crashed back onto his.

He struggled to keep himself upright as he leaned to the side to pick up the shower gel and squeezed some into his hand and began rubbing down Castiel’s chest, working his way down until he reached his erection, he gripped firmly and took long languid strokes up and down. Castiel pulled away from Dean’s mouth and leaned his forehead onto his shoulder; Dean smiled, he could play the same game and moved his hand away.

Castiel groaned and stepped back and stared at Dean as he reached around him for the shower gel, Dean couldn’t look away from his eyes to see what he was going to do with the bottle, until Cas glanced down and he followed his line of sight, watching as the gel-covered Castiel's hand moved to Dean’s chest and began to quickly wash his body down and then suddenly shut off the taps and smirked.

 Dean watched as Castiel stepped out of the shower, and he stood for a moment; the cold hitting him as the shower curtain opened.

He shook his head and followed Castiel out; picking up the second towel and began drying himself as he stepped through to the bedroom. Castiel stood naked beside the bed, patting his chest and arms dry and Dean watched him, droplets still clung to parts of his abdomen and excess water dripped slowly from his hair, down his neck and shoulders.

He followed one run down past his navel and then pulled his attention back so he could continue to dry himself, he wasn’t at all tired anymore, and all he could think about was getting Cas onto the bed and touching every muscle he could get his hands on.

He sauntered forward and leaned into Castiel; gently pushing him onto the bed and Dean was on him the moment Cas landed on the mattress. Castiel made a surprised sound and Dean laughed and leaned down to kiss him, feeling smug that he had the control until Castiel turned them both, the man was a lot stronger than he anticipated and he stared up surprised at Cas.

Cas smiled, “Who’s laughing now?” his voice was rough and Dean didn’t have a retort,  this was the first time that they were doing any of this without being intoxicated, he found himself watching transfixed as Castiel’s pectoral muscles flexed, and to his arms; how his deltoids moved under his skin.

Castiel leaned forward and kissed him to gain his attention so he moved his focus back to him; taking in his features as Cas looked down at him and the way his hair stuck up in all directions; water droplets still clinging to some ends.

He grinned, “Are we gonna just stare at each other all night?” He asked cockily and Castiel leaned forward without needing any more encouragement and captured his mouth as he adjusted his body so he was between Dean’s legs and ground down; they both inhaled as their erections rubbed together and Dean lifted his pelvis instinctively; searching for more friction.  

Cas’s hand shot out fast and forced Dean’s hips down and Dean whimpered; not able to gain any relief.

“Stay still.” He commanded, and Dean relaxed his hips; nodding his agreement.

Castiel reached over to the drawer as he nipped Dean’s jawline, leaving soothing, gentle kisses as he moved up to his ear. Dean shivered and his stomach tensed as Castiel’s breath ghosted against his ear and then Cas was back on him again, ravaging his mouth, nipping and licking his lower lip while his hands were busy with something out of Dean’s view; although Dean had a good idea of what he was doing and couldn’t stand the lack of attention.

“Cas.” He gasped as Castiel nipped his throat.

Castiel stopped and watched Dean; searching his eyes.

“Let me do it for you.”

Castiel knitted his eyebrows together in confusion, but then they rose as he began to understand what he meant and he nodded. He leaned back stretched his hand forward offering Dean the condom and he took it out of Castiel’s hand.

He then felt nervous; it was one thing to put one on yourself, but to put one on someone else; was foreign and his hands were shaky, he tore the wrapper and then his eyes flicked down to Castiel’s erection and looked back at the rubber; figuring out the quickest and easiest way to go about it.

“Cas, scoot forwards a bit,” he whispered and Cas shifted forward enough so he could reach down, he closed his eyes and pretended he was sliding it down over his own. He opened his eyes and grinned; feeling proud that he didn’t break it.

 Castiel grinned and scooted back down between Dean’s legs and captured his mouth again, as he popped the lid of the lube. Dean ran his fingers down Castiel’s back and he shivered when they dug deliciously into the taut muscles that rolled under his skin; firm and silky.

Castiel lowered his hand and he exhaled, waiting for his fingers to breach him, trying to relax the best he could.

It wasn’t as bad as it had been the night before; he felt relief and pushed down against Castiel’s finger, just needing something more than the slow almost-there-probing.

Castiel chuckled against his mouth and began to prep him quicker, adding more fingers as Dean stretched and became accustomed to the intrusion. Dean finally groaned and pushed hard down, “Cas, I’m ready,” he whispered and could hear the whine in his own voice and shook his head.

“So needy,” Castiel observed and then chuckled before positioning himself and slowly pushing in.

Dean’s toes curled as he felt the burn, Castiel watched his expression, and he kept his eyes on Castiel’s and nodded to encourage him to push in a little more.

This took a little time, but Dean breathed out in relief once Cas finally bottomed out.

Castiel carefully began to move; small thrusts that increased gradually and Dean inhaled sharply as his prostate was nailed, “Oh god!” He moaned out without intending to and Castiel grinned and purposefully aimed for it again, Dean arched his back involuntarily; gripping a fist full of his sheets and his heels digging into the mattress, lights danced across the back of his eyelids and the pleasure shot up his spine. 

 It was intense and he sucked in more air as Castiel picked up to a fast pace, thrusting deeper into him; still touching that spot and he could feel the waves becoming more intense; his stomach tightened, and Castiel wrapped his fingers around his cock and without warning, Dean moaned out loudly as his body was ravaged by wave after wave of pleasure that seemed to be never-ending, while Castiel slammed into him.

Slowly, the waves subsided and he was able to breathe again, his body was bone tired and muscle-weak, Cas drove his hips forward one last time and stilled; gripping Deans thigh as he rode out his own pleasure before collapsing beside Dean.

 He glanced over to him, and let out a huff of a laugh as his muscles twitched from the overstimulation and Cas turned to watch him, neither having the energy to say anything for a few minutes.

 “Holy shit.” Dean eventually breathed out and just smiled lazily,

Castiel smiled, “holy shit.” He breathlessly repeated in agreement.

“I don’t think I can move,” Dean whispered back, feeling far too relaxed, the afterglow radiating through all his muscles.

Castiel groaned as he pushed himself up; taking off the condom and tying it; tossing it into the wastebasket beside the bed.  He leaned down and pulled one of the discarded blankets from the bottom of the bed and used it like a cloth; dragging it across Dean’s stomach several times to remove the mess, then tossed it to the floor.

“Now you don’t have to.” He smiled and then settled back down beside Dean.

“It’s better sober.”

Cas smiled, “Did you think it would be worse?”

He shook his head slightly, “No, just, I didn’t remember everything while drunk and there are fewer sensations. Sober, you feel more of it. “

“That’s true.”

Dean closed his eyes; feeling exhausted and he could hear Castiel’s breathing gradually slow down until it became deep and even. He opened his eyes again and glanced over at him and watched him sleep until his eyes became too heavy and he fell into his own deep sleep.

The next morning, they woke up and had breakfast together before Castiel went back to his own hotel to get a new change of clothing.

The day went by quickly; they didn’t stop until the displays were up and functional and then went out for a couple of beers and something to eat. Dean spent the night at Castiel’s before they packed up and checked out of their hotels.

They spent four days in a motel an hour out of town, in a rural area, barely leaving the motel to eat and drink.

By the time it was time to say goodbye, Dean was miserable, he had a Six-hour drive back to his family and all he wanted to do was stay where he was; with Cas.

“I can come with you.” Castiel suggested, “I can catch the plane from Michigan.”

Dean wanted to say yes, but he couldn’t, it wasn’t fair on Cas, nor on his family. “No, you catch your flight, your daughters, and wife will be waiting for you, it’s only a few hours over anyways.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.” Dean leaned in and kissed his cheek, “I guess I’ll see you again in a month?”

Castiel nodded, then sighed, “I’m going to miss you.”

Dean looked over to the front of his car and then turned back, “Yeah, me too, but hey, we can talk on the phone until then.”

Castiel nodded.

Dean stared at him for a moment and then pulled him in for a hug before he kissed him one last time.

He drew back and lifted his hand in a wave as he opened his car door and slid into his seat. Castiel moved forward and shut the door and stood back. Dean nodded, “I'll see you soon.” He assured him and Castiel smiled slightly and he accelerated out of the parking lot and watched Castiel standing alone watching him. He felt a mixture of emotions; he expected there to be some, but he didn’t expect to feel like he was losing someone. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he watched the figure disappear and focused back in front of him.

****************************************

 

Dean woke up as Lisa left the room and he turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling, it had been close to 6 months since he and Cas first got together and it was serious, they spoke at least three times a day, and tried to discreetly Facetime when they both had time alone but it was difficult to maintain such a long distance relationship.

He could count on one hand the number of times he and Cas had met up to spend a few days together and it was beginning to affect them both and their home life. He was distancing himself from Lisa, the bed was colder, he couldn’t bring himself to touch her, and when he did, it was because he didn’t want her to feel like it was her fault, that she was anything but a beautiful, sexy woman, but in truth, he wasn’t attracted to her anymore.

He dragged his hands down his face and shook his head; it couldn’t go on the way it was. Which was why he and Castiel had talked about leaving their wives, but they couldn’t. Castiel would lose everything, his home, his children, his family. And he couldn’t leave Lisa, not after he promised her that he would take care of her and Ben.  He made a commitment and he wasn’t going to break it, even if it cost him his happiness.

He sighed, he had to talk to Lisa though, a position had opened up in Illinois for a Sales and marketing director and he put in a request to be transferred, which Mr. Roman had approved, but he did give him a month to change his mind if things didn’t go well with Lisa.

So, now he had to approach Lisa and convince her that the move would be good for them. 

There was a nagging tug at the back of his mind, telling him that he was selfish, that this was wrong, to move Lisa and Ben across two states to live so he could continue his affair with Castiel was wrong, very wrong. He shook it off as much as he could.

He found himself drinking more than he used to and going back and forth about breaking it off with Cas, but he couldn’t let go.  He felt alive when he was with him, he felt something he had never felt and he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

He sighed and pushed back the blankets and went into the bathroom to relieve himself, washed his hands and splashed water over his face, dried and then moved down to the kitchen where Lisa was cooking Ben scrambled eggs and toast.

He made himself a coffee and waited for Ben to leave for school; his friend's mother picking him up as he had softball practice.

He glanced over to Lisa who was sitting opposite him; reading the newspaper. He inhaled quietly and then exhaled, and sat up straighter.

“Lis’ what do you think about moving to Illinois?”

Lisa stared at him, he watched as she opened and closed her mouth and then her eyebrows knitted together, “Why?” She finally asked.

“Richard Roman called me into his office yesterday, they have a new office in Illinois and he asked if there was any possibility of me transferring over because they need someone who has experience.”

“You told him no… right?” Lisa asked,

“No, I said I’d talk to you about it.”

“Mine and Ben’s life is here,” Lisa replied,

“I know, but think about it, if we’re there, you won’t be that far from your parents.” He licked his lips and continued, “ Ben will see his grandparents more, and since I am out that way a lot more than I am here, it would mean I’d be home more often, and it’s only 2 states over, it’s not like it's across the other side of the country.”

He decided to pull out the wild card, “Besides, you don’t like your job. You could quit the waitressing and start on your dream of becoming a yoga teacher, there’s plenty of gyms out there that need good yoga teachers. There’s a good school out there for Ben too.”

Lisa shook her head, “I don’t know, it’s a big move Dean, I have to think about it.”

Dean nodded, “Take your time, Roman doesn’t need an answer until the end of the month, I think that this could be a fresh start for us all.”

“Maybe,” Lisa replied. Dean stood and moved around to her side and pulled her up for a hug and rested his chin on her head, the guilt was there, but it wasn’t all a complete lie; sure he had asked Dick for the position the moment he found out about it, but, he wasn’t lying about Lisa living closer to her parents, or that she could start thinking of a career in being a yoga teacher, but there was that selfish reason for uprooting them; to be closer to Cas.

He kissed the top of her head and stepped back, “So you’ll seriously think about it?”

She chewed on the inside of her lip and nodded, “yes, I promise, I’ll think about it.”

Dean smiled a little. “Okay, well, I better get dressed for work.”

He moved past her and moved up the stairs and shook his head; trying to ignore the nagging feeling in the back of his mind. He was running late for work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I am sorry this has taken some time to be posted, due to wanting to get this fic updated before another busy week I haven't gotten around to proofreading more than the once so I apologise for the typos you may find.❤


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has taken a long time to post because I wrote it but I think I deleted it when I cleaned up my hard drive, so I had to then rewrite it.  
> I decided to make this a much longer chapter because of the length of time since the last update. I have the next chapter almost finished, but I need to fix it up a bit because I'm not happy with it. There are some time jumps forward in this chapter because it's mostly the same thing each meet up on the weekends. I hope that's okay with everyone. 
> 
> I do apologize if there are grammar mistakes, I have gone over it several times, but it's over 8k in words and after a while, going through it over and over becomes frustrating. 
> 
> I'm hoping i caught at least 95% of them. <3

Dean stared at the razor; swallowing hard as he looked back up to the mirror, glancing over his body, this was possibly one of his worst ideas he had thought of doing so far.  

He closed his eyes, and then opened them slowly to look back to the razor, what the hell was he thinking? Why would any guy do this?

He put the razor onto the counter and picked up his hair trimmers; he didn’t have the ones that the person in the YouTube video suggested, so he had to make do with the hair clippers that were in the bathroom cupboard.

He plugged them in and looked down at himself, and decided if he was going to do it, he might as well get started.

He trimmed his genital region as the man suggested and then quickly cleaned up the floor, hiding the evidence as much as possible and then picked up the razor and surveyed the room; there weren’t many options for positioning himself, his eyes rested on the bathtub. It was the best option he could see; except sitting on the counter with the sink between his legs; and that did not look comfortable.

He stepped into the tub and lowered himself down; hissing at the cold against his back. He put in the plug and turned on the taps; adjusting until it was a comfortable heat, he laid back, breathing through the cold of the porcelain until it heated up and waited for the water to rise to a shallow level; barely covering his thighs. 

Dean shut off the taps and allowed the water to warm up his lower half, and after a few minutes, he let most of the water to drain out of the bath so he could use shaving cream without it washing off his skin.

 Carefully, he positioned himself so that his one leg hooked over the edge of the tub, and his other knee pressed against the tiles on the opposite side. He groaned; he was getting too old for this shit.

He squirted the cream into his hand and watched as it inflated and began covering his groin with it. He shook his head and exhaled, “Here goes,” he muttered under his breath; pulling his skin taut around his balls; gritted his teeth against the slight pain, then hesitated several times.

“This better be worth it.” He muttered, then put the blade to his skin and steadily slid it upwards in one smooth action.  He breathed out with relief when there was no sting of pain, he rinsed the razor and started over again.

  Twenty minutes later and a draft between his legs, he rinsed the razor for the last time; pulling the plug to allow the last of the water drain and jumped when the door swung open without warning.

 He turned his head and cursed under his breath as he found Lisa standing frozen at the door; staring at him and then to the razor. He glanced down at himself; his legs still spread and resting against the edge of the bathtub.

 “Umm, I can explain?” he offered weakly, and Lisa raised her eyebrows, slowly coming out of the shock of seeing him semi-spreadeagle, her expression slowly turning to amusement.

 “Oh really?” she mused.

Dean regained his composure drawing his legs together and put the plug back in, turned on the taps to fill the bathtub.

“Uh, yeah, I was, uh, in the mood for a bath.” He explained.

She stepped closer, looking down into the bathtub, “and the razor?" she teased.   
He sighed, “Okay so, I heard some guys at work talk about this, and uh... They swore by it; I thought I’d… experiment. “

“Wow, Dean I’ve never seen this side of you, moving here has unlocked something kinky.”   
He felt his cheeks flush but jutted out his chin, “There's nothing wrong with a man wanting to groom. "He fired back as he turned the taps a little more; hoping it would fill the bath quicker and cover his fully exposed body.

“Oh, no, there isn’t. I think it’s hot.”

He shook his head but smiled, “You don’t think it’s weird for a man to be, uh, you know, like this?” He gestured to his groin.

Lisa shook her head, “Nope, lots of men do it, especially in porn movies.”

His face felt like it was burning bright red and he looked away, “Well, Uh, okay.”

Lisa giggled and turned to the sink, “If I weren’t in a hurry to get to Yoga class, I’d show you how hot it is, but I don’t think it would look good for me to be late on my first day as an instructor. “ She checked her makeup and leaned down to kiss him. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

Dean nodded, "Yep, Good luck, and Lis'?”   
She turned back to him as she reached the door, “Could you lock the door?” 

She smiled, “Sure, " she pushed down the lock and then closed the door behind her.

He breathed out his relief and slid down until he could barely see over the edge of the bath and rolled his eyes.

The embarrassment he felt was soon forgotten as he thought about Castiel and the weekend ahead of them.

He spent the rest of the evening and night, packing his clothes for his trip, and then ordered in for him and Ben.

 Lisa called and informed him that she was going out for drinks with some of the other instructors at the gym.

He was asleep by the time she got home and was up early so he could beat the traffic.

Dean sighed as he looked around him at the last of the boxes that needed to be unpacked and felt the relief that it was almost over.

He and Lisa spent the last two weeks flat out unpacking, as well as working at the new office; learning who everyone was. It was a huge adjustment, but he knew it was worth it when he met Castiel at the coffee shop near the office.

Lisa stepped through to the lounge and handed him a pair of runners, “You will need these; you can’t climb rock walls without them. Have you got everything else?”

“Thanks, Just about.” He threw the runners into his bag and zipped it up. 

“Just be careful, okay?"

He rolled his eyes and sighed; it wasn’t the first time she had told him to be careful since waking up, and he shouldered his bag, leaned forward and kissed her, “bye,” he had to leave before he started to feel guilty for lying to her,

He inhaled quietly and closed his eyes as Lisa whispered “bye,” and he collected his jacket on his way out of the house.

He threw his bag into the trunk and moved quickly around to the driver's seat and slid in and exhaled out. Lisa thought he was going to a corporate team building camp over the weekend with his new work colleagues, instead; he was meeting Castiel an hour away; in Clinton where they planned to spend the weekend together.

He started his engine and pulled out of the driveway in the direction of the highway. He had butterflies; it had been a long time since he spent any considerable time with Castiel, more than four months, and the last two he was busy trying to sell their home in Michigan as well as finding a new one in Pontiac and then packing for the move.

He put his foot down once he hit the highway and relaxed back into the seat as he listened to his baby purr and led zeppelin playing quietly in the background.  It had been such a long time since he was able to take the Impala out on to the open road and just cruise.  The sound of her engine and the music allowed him to let go of all the tension he had in his muscles.

He sat up a little straighter as he saw the sign to his exit and indicated off the highway, and found the “Mobil “ Gas station, not long after. 

Dean slowed down, keeping his eyes peeled to see if Castiel was already there waiting for him.

When there was no sign of Cas, he pulled into a parking space near the “Dollar Tree” Store and made his way over to the station. Where he waited over ten minutes, he glanced at his watch which said it was ten past ten and he sighed and decided to walk back to his car, and saw Castiel leaning against it; reading a newspaper.

He rolled his eyes and picked up his pace until he stood in front of him and Castiel looked up, “Good morning, Dean.”   
Dean nodded, “Morning, how long have you been standing here?”  
Castiel shrugged, “Not long.”

Dean sighed, “Cas... I was standing over there; waiting for you... You know, as we planned.”   
Cas straightened and looked behind Dean at the station and then back to him, “Sorry, I saw your car, and I thought you might have gone into the store and thought I would wait here.”

He shook his head and closed his eyes briefly, “Fine, so where are we going?”

“There’s an inn nearby; it’s just off Kleeman drive. I booked a twin room there.”

“So what are we waiting for?” Dean gestured towards the Impala, and Cas smiled; put his bag into the back, then slid into the passenger side and waited for Dean to make his way around to the driver's side.

“So Amelia thinks you're out of state huh?” he asked as he looked over his shoulder as he reversed out of the spot.

Castiel nodded, “Yes; she thinks I’m in Mississippi taking care of a store over there.”

“She won’t speak to your brothers and find out you’re not there?”

Castiel shook his head, “No, she doesn’t talk to my brothers about business; she doesn’t speak to them at all if she can help it… She doesn’t like them and blames them for all the time I am away from her and the girls.”

Dean pulled out on to the road and then looked back over to Castiel, “Okay which way?”

Castiel pointed to the left “straight down there and then turn right at Hickory Drive.”

Dean followed Cas’s directions and pulled up to the Sunset Inn and Suites and found a parking spot away from the main road.

Castiel went into the front to sign in and collect their keys he pulled out both their bags and waited for Cas to come back out, then followed him up the stairs to their room.

The room was better than he expected; there were two large beds, and he moved over to the closest one and flung his bag onto it, then turned to Castiel as he stepped beside him. He looked over his features, taking in his eyes, his cheekbones, jaw and then his mouth, then leaned forward; hooking his hand around Castiel's neck and pulled him closer and kissed him; he felt his muscles relax as he felt Castiel's tongue lick into his mouth.

He pulled away, resting their foreheads together as he looked into his eyes, “God; I’ve missed this.” He whispered.

Castiel smiled, “Me too. I have made reservations at a local restaurant for tonight.” 

Dean smirked and pulled Castiel’s hips flush against his own, “I got some ideas of what we can do until then.”

Castiel grinned; raising his eyebrow, “Shouldn’t we unpack first?”

Dean shoved Castiel on to the bed, “Nope. We can unpack later; we have all weekend.”

He grinned as Cas shuffled back up the bed, and he slowly crawled up after him; never taking his eyes off Castiel’s, not even when he reached the top and had pinned Castiel beneath him.   
“So, where were we?”

He leaned down and kissed Cas deeply; breathing out through his nose as he melted into the kiss. 

Castiel reached his hand around the back of Deans' neck and roughly pulled him back down and crashed their mouths together.

Dean jumped as someone knocked on the door loudly, and they both stopped and stared at the door.

  
Dean scrambled from the bed and straightened his clothes and moved toward the door, his heart racing; it was ridiculous to think someone they knew would be on the opposite side of the door, but Dean was internally freaking out.

He heard Castiel move from the bed and a bag being dumped on to it as he walked to the window and looked out to see who was there.

He blew out his relief when he found a lady with a trolley outside of the door.

He straightened his clothes and cleared his throat, then opened the door.

“Yeah, Hey.” He smiled as casually as he could.

“Housekeeping?” the lady enquired, and Dean stood dumbfounded for a moment before recovering, “I’m Sorry, what?”

 “I turn down your beds and clean.“

Dean nodded, “Um; no thank you; we’ve just got here; we’re good. Thanks.”

The lady looked at him for a moment and then looked behind him as Castiel joined them at the door.

“Hi, we are the new guests, could you come back tomorrow?” Castiel handed her unknown amount of money and nodded.

She took the offered money and smiled, “Yes, sir.”

Castiel smiled,  “Have a good day.” 

  
She returned his smile and moved her trolley to the next room.

Dean turned to him, and Castiel shrugged and moved back into the room, and Dean shut the door.

“So, where were we?” Dean sauntered forward until he was standing in front of Cas and pulled him closer by his tie and leaned in and kissed him.

Castiel groaned and pulled Dean’s hips flush to his own.

Dean smirked as he took in Castiel's features until his attention rested on Cas’s mouth, and leaned in and kissed him.

 It didn’t take either of them long to strip the other of their clothes and become lost in the heat of the moment.

Dean threw his head back as he tried to muffle the sound of his orgasm as Castiel rode him hard until his hips slammed forward and Castiel collapsed on top of him, breathing hard and sweating.

Dean huffed out a small laugh as Castiel’s breath ghosted over his neck, he turned his head and kissed Cas on the temple.

“Well, that didn’t take as long as I expected.” He teased, and Castiel pushed himself up onto his elbows to look down at him. “Disappointed?” he retorted; raising his eyebrow.

“Hell no.” he grinned and then groaned as Castiel pulled out, the emptiness and the cold of the room all too suddenly bringing him back to the ground.

He watched as Castiel tied the condom and then dropped it to the ground; he shifted his body so he could use the sheet to wipe his stomach and groaned as his muscles resisted, “I’m out of shape.” He muttered, and Castiel smiled, “I think you’re perfectly in shape.”

He rolled his eyes and shifted over a little more; allowing Cas to stretch out beside him.

Castiel pulled Dean closer to him and rested his arm on Dean’s stomach.

“I was thinking; we should probably talk about what’s happening and when we can be together, what we should tell our wives.” Castiel nudged Dean’s ear with his nose before nipping gently at his earlobe.

Dean shuddered from the sensation running up and down his spine. “Yeah?”

“mmhmm Castiel kissed and nipped at his neck, and he tilted his head to allow him better access.

 “Well, we could make it a regular thing, you know, friends going camping or fishing?” Dean offered, not at all thinking clearly as Cas’s tongue swiped across his pulse point and then ghosting hot air over the area.

“We could…” Castiel whispered.  “Amelia has been nagging me to make friends; she says I work too much.”

Dean nodded and then shifted himself away from Castiel, he wanted to talk about this seriously, and he wasn’t paying enough attention to what he was saying.

“Lisa would be cool with it too, she has her girls nights, so with me being out of the house, it would give her more time with her friends.”

“Okay, so let’s make it every other weekend and see how that goes?”

Dean smiled, “Sounds good.”

He turned, and Castiel shuffled closer behind him and wrapped his arm tighter around his midsection and kissed his neck.  “I’m glad that’s settled.” He eventually replied; sounding tired. 

Dean closed his eyes; enjoying the warmth of Castiel’s body behind him, Castiel whispered, “I love you” and Dean froze for a moment; caught off guard. He panicked a little, could he lay himself naked emotionally and admit to his feelings? He could hear Castiel’s breathing stutter and then the sound of briefly stopped, and before he thought deeper on those three words, he was hearing him say those words back to Castiel. “I love you too.” And felt warm air brush against the back of his head and Castiel gently squeezed him and kissed the side of his neck, and he smiled as they both drifted into a light sleep and awoke when a couple walked past their door; talking loudly.

Castiel was the first to wake and open his eyes, and he looked over at the clock beside Dean; it was close to six; Dean moved to look at him.

“That was too short.” He groaned. Castiel nodded, “Yes; I could stay here all night; if I wasn’t hungry.”  Dean agreed and pushed the blankets back, and Castiel shivered as the cold air of the evening hit them, he wanted nothing more than to pull the covers back over them both and stay there, in the warmth and comfort.

He watched as Dean stood up, and he couldn’t help but admire Dean’s ass, trying to commit every curve to memory; especially the dimples.

“I’m gonna take a shower to wake up.”  Dean turned and smirked down at Castiel when he caught him admiring his ass and now the front; which he suddenly realized was missing hair.

“Did you do some manscaping?” He asked; raising his eyebrow and ignoring the urge to explore his discovery with his tongue. When there was no response, Castiel reluctantly looked up to Dean’s face and found he was blushing. “Its’ hot, do you need any help washing?” he asked; his voice low; trying to be seductive.

Dean seemed to recover from his embarrassment and chuckled, “Tempting; but we're both hungry, if you came into the shower with me, I don’t think we’d make it to dinner…  Maybe later.”

Castiel sighed, “I guess that’s for the best. Hurry up then; I need a shower after you.” He smiled and pulled the blankets up around his face and turned over; closing his eyes.

He heard Dean leave the room and the water of the shower start and then was woken to Dean kissing him; his lips warm and Hair still wet. “You’re up; it’s your turn.” He whispered.

Castiel blinked his eyes open and groaned, but threw the blankets off him and sat up. He rolled his neck a few times; the pillows weren’t that great, and he felt the kink in his muscles.  
“I need to bring my pillow the next time.” He grumbled, and Dean scoffed, “Yeah, because that wouldn’t seem odd to your wife.” 

He shrugged, “I would rather her being curious about my sudden desire to take my pillow with me than have neck pain.” 

Cas stood up, and as he moved past Dean, he felt a slap on his ass, and he hissed and turned back to Dean. “Do that again, and I’ll put you over my knee and spank you."

Dean burst into laughter; throwing his head back and Castiel couldn’t help but take in the sight of it.   
Their eyes met, and Dean shook his head; still smiling, “Are you going to take that shower or what?”   
He nodded and turned on the spot and stepped into the shower.

\--------------------------------------------

Three hours later, they got back to the room, and Dean was exhausted, with the moving, the new office and staff and the lack of sleep; it was catching up with him.

It was past ten, and he wanted to do nothing but get out of his clothes, slip into bed and put on a movie he packed. One that Castiel had never seen and he believed he should watch with him.   
They were undressed and dumped their clothes on to the floor next to the bed, and Dean pushed the DVD into the player and picked up the remote as he moved back to the bed.

Castiel joined him shortly after, and he pressed play.

He glanced over at Castiel and smiled, still feeling on a high from before they fell to sleep; not only was it the best sex he had in a while; Castiel had told him that he loved him. Sure, he panicked to start with; it wasn’t easy to be that vulnerable and admit how he felt. He thought about ignoring it; pretending that it didn’t happen, but that would have caused problems between them. He loved Cas, so he might as well admit it and finally have it said out loud.

It made him feel closer to Cas like they had something more concrete. He wished he could spend the rest of his life in the bed with Cas, never having to leave him and sneak around. However, that wasn’t possible for either of them, so he was going to make the most of what time they did have together.

He leaned back into Cas’s shoulder as the opening credits and title screen started. “I promise you will love this. “ He smiled and settled in; tapping out the beats of the music on Cas’s stomach.

 Dean watched as the movie began. “That’s Al Capone.” He pointed to Robert De Niro, and Cas glanced over at him and nodded and then turned back to the screen; his brows furrowed a little. He wondered what Cas was thinking but returned his attention to the movie; feeling excited that he was watching his favorite movie with his favorite person.

The scene changed to the young girl in the café; finding the briefcase and chasing after the man who left it, and Castiel jumped out of his skin as the building exploded.

“What happened to that girl?” Castiel asked frantically.

“Um,” Dean licked his lips; Castiel’s expression was so crestfallen and shocked. “She didn’t make it.  Wait, do you see this guy? He is Elliot!”   

He glanced over and watched Cas for a moment, taking in his lines. “You know; I could see you as Elliot Ness… Are you into role playing?" Dean raised his eyebrow and grinned. 

Castiel laughed as he looked down at him, “I don’t think I’ve ever thought about it before, maybe; we should try it one day.”

The words, “one day.” Caught Dean off guard, and it made him feel something deep in his stomach, warmth spreading through his body, “One day.” It was said so casually; like Cas was in it for the long haul, and he liked the idea. He grinned and returned his attention to the movie.

They got to the scene where they were in the warehouse, and Dean straightened a little more, Elliot Ness’s trench coat wasn’t much different to Cas’s, and he wouldn’t tell Cas, but he had a thing for his trench coat.

Dean startled when Castiel chuckled, and he glanced over; Castiel pointed to the screen, “I guess he wasn’t expecting umbrellas?”

Dean refocused on the screen, watching as Eliot Ness held an open umbrella up; looking disappointed, while the pressman took the picture.  

Dean chuckled, “No; he didn’t.”

 “Oh, she was killed!” Castiel’s voice sounded sad, and Dean leaned up to look at him and smiled; Cas was such a softy when it came to kids. He squeezed Castiel’s hand gently, “yeah, the bomb killed her.”

It was sometime before either of them spoke; Castiel was the first to break the silence in the room when he laughed, and Dean glanced over at him,

 Castiel turned to Dean and nodded at the TV, “I think I like him.” 

“Who Elliot?”   
“No the Malone guy.” Castiel pointed to Jim Malone, and Dean nodded, “Yeah he’s awesome."

They watched as Elliot ran into his house, "Shit is he going to kill his daughter?” Castiel gripped Dean’s hand tightly, and he squeezed back, "watch." He whispered.

Elliot found his daughter in the bedroom, and he felt Cas’s hand release a little and heard him breathe out with relief. 

“Thank god they are leaving, I don’t think I could watch anymore if another kid were to die. “ Cas sighed and pulled Dean a little further into the crook of his arm, and he smiled; it was adorable how much Cas reacted, he enjoyed seeing people’s reactions to movies.

Dean snuggled in, to watch again, until the scene where they raced across the landscape on the horses. “Aren’t they awesome?” Dean breathed out feeling that sense of awe that he always did as he watched the untouchable’s horse riding.

“Yes, do you know how to ride a horse?”   
Dean glanced up, “No, but it’s on my list of things I wanna learn to do.”  
Castiel smiled, “Maybe we should do that together sometime?”   
Dean grinned, “I’d like that.” 

He watched Castiel for some time; forgetting about the movie, and just taking in Castiel’s features; the way his eyes darted back and forth; taking in the scene that played on the tv, and to the little creases on his forehead when he was concentrating on what one of them was saying.

His attention drawn to the small lip twitches when Malone said something that Cas found funny, he was so content watching Castiel that he didn’t keep up with what was going on in the movie until Castiel jumped when George and Wallace were shot and killed by the dirty cop. “Elliot will be pissed now.” 

Dean turned back to the movie to see what he was referring to and chuckled, “You could say that.” 

 They got to the part where Malone kicked Mike in the groin, and Dean squeezed his thighs together, “ouch. “ He instinctively covered his balls; remnants of memories of when Sam kicked him in the family jewels as a kid during their play fighting. He glanced over at Cas and smiled when he recognized the same pained expression. “From that look, I can tell you have felt the same pain.” He grinned as Castiel nodded slowly, “Yes, once or twice.” He replied before turning his attention back to the movie. Dean moved his hand to hold Castiel’s and returned his full attention to the film; still smiling, wishing it could always be the way it was; watching movies in Bed with Cas.

 Castiel’s hand twitched as the scene showed someone looking through Malone’s window, and Dean squeezed gently, he knew that Cas wouldn’t like what was to come, he didn’t wish to ruin it, but, apart of him wanted to warn him, just so he would expect it, but that would remove part of the experience.

He leaned his head against Castiel’s chest, listening to his heart increased quite a bit as the scene continued and then, "Isn't that just like a wop... brings a knife to a gunfight. Get outta here ya dego bastard!" He quoted, and Castiel laughed. “How many times have you watched this?”

Dean shushed him, and Castiel snapped his head back to the TV as the gunshots started, “No! Not Malone!” Castiel sounded upset, and Dean reached up to kiss his cheek, “you’re adorable.” 

Dean tightened his grip on Castiel’s hand as he saw the tears well in his eyes, he leaned up and kissed him on the cheek before settling back down to continue watching.

Castiel’s tensed when the baby was slowly going down the stairs, Dean could hear his breath hitch, and he looked over, Castiel’s eyes were bigger than usual, “The baby will be fine.” He reassured him. He probably should have let the movie play out without saying, but he hated the look of fear in Castiel’s eyes and wanted it to go away until finally it did and he breathed out with relief.

They watched as Elliot Ness left the court, and then to the chase.  

“I can see why you like him so much, he has no fear for his own life, and he’s smart.”   
Dean grinned, “You forgot hot.”   
Castiel laughed, “Yes, I can see the appeal, but he isn’t as hot as you.”   
Dean smirked, “Good answer.” 

 Cas tensed as Frank held onto the rope and suddenly shouted, “Shoot!” at the TV. Castiel sighed heavily, “He should have just shot him in the head.”

 He suddenly let out a loud laugh when Elliot tossed Nitti off the roof, “Okay so that was a better death, screaming and watching the ground hit him before he died, is a lot more rewarding for me than a quick headshot."

Dean giggled, “Whoa Cas, I am starting to see a whole different side of you.”

“Well, he killed my favorite!”

Dean laughed and watched as the scene when the judge ordered the jurors changed with another set. 

Castiel whooped, “Got him!” 

Dean sat up and shifted a bit; feeling the tension in his neck from the position, he had been sitting in for almost 2 hours.

“So, what’s your verdict on the movie?” He turned to Castiel, and he smiled.   
“It was good. It was sad too, but I liked it.”  
“Good, so wanna do this next time too? Watch another movie?”  
“Sounds like a plan.”   
Castiel scooted down until he was laying and wrapped his arms around him, and Dean turned into him and hooked his leg around Castiel’s.

“So, what are we gonna do tomorrow?” he whispered into the darkness.   
He felt Castiel shrug, “I don’t know, perhaps we could stay in bed all day.”   
Dean smiled, “I like that idea.” Then snuggled into Cas’s neck.

“Well, then, that is what we will do,“ Cas replied and rested his cheek on Dean’s head.   
Dean yawned, “Night Cas.” He closed his eyes, feeling the tiredness pulling him away from reality.   
“Goodnight Dean, I love you.”

“love you too.” He whispered and slipped into unconsciousness.

 They spent the next day in bed, watching TV, talking and Dean cooked them both lunch and dinner. They made the most of the time they had before they had to go back to their own homes and back to normal life. Sunday morning, Dean woke up feeling dissatisfied with the idea of going back to normal life; he wanted to stay in the hotel room with Castiel for as long as he could, he didn’t want to be without him. Dean turned his head to find Castiel still sleeping peacefully beside him.

He smiled and shifted his position so; he was leaning on his elbow, taking in Castiel’s features; which were relaxed,  the lines on his face smoothed out and gone.

He watched as Castiel’s eyes slowly opened; blinking several times as he tried to focus and Dean leaned forward and gave him a chaste kiss on his lips.

“Good morning.” He whispered against his lips and then leaned back again, and Cas smiled up at him, clearing his throat, “You’re awake early.” His voice was thick from sleeping.

Dean shrugged, “I don’t sleep in often, and I wanted to make the most of this time.” He sobered a little, “So, Friday, we agreed to meet every other weekend, you still wanna do that?”

Castiel nodded; pulling the blankets closer to his chin.

“Where should we meet and go?” he asked, “I think we should probably stay somewhere else, not make a habit of coming here.”

Castiel pulled the blanket back from his face and shifted back until he was partially sitting upright.

“I know someone with a cabin I can borrow; it’s near a beautiful lake, my friend uses it when he’s fishing.”

Dean perked up at the idea of fishing, “That sounds like a great idea.” He agreed, and Castiel rubbed at his eyes, removing the sleep, and then yawned. 

“Okay, I’ll set that up with my friend. “

Dean smiled and felt the heavy heart feeling lessen.

By five o'clock, Dean drove them a back to the car lot where Castiel left his Car, and they hugged briefly and promised to call each other when they got a chance and Dean waved goodbye as he pulled out of the lot.

  Over the week Dean couldn’t stop thinking about Cas, and he texted him to make dinner plans; which Castiel accepted, Dean text Lisa and told her he would be having a business dinner with a potential client, that the client wanted to speak to him and nobody else. He met Castiel outside of town at a small restaurant; which they enjoyed and then found themselves in an alleyway; trying to keep their hands above the waist. Dean groaned as he pulled back from their heated kiss and rested his forehead against Castiel’s.

“Fuck, I miss you.” he breathed out; frustrated.

Castiel smiled and leaned in to kiss Dean softly and then pulled away and stepped away to let Dean straighten up and move from the wall.

“I pick up the keys on the weekend for the Cabin, “

Dean nodded,  “ I guess there’s that to look forward to.” He muttered.

Castiel took his hand into his as they stepped closer to the street opening. “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.”

Dean stopped and looked at him; raising his eyebrow.

It’s something my father used to say; it’s a proverb from the bible.

Dean shook his head, “So you’re preaching from the bible to me now?”

Castiel shrugged, “it seemed fitting.”

They made their way to their cars, and Dean leaned into Castiel’s car; once the window was open and kissed Cas briefly and pulled back, “Call me, okay?”

“Will do,” Castiel confirmed and Dean straightened up and half-heartedly waved, then watched as Castiel reversed out of his space and then moved onto the road.

 He sighed and walked back to his car. It was always hard saying goodbye, he wished they didn’t have to, that they could be free to do what they wanted, maybe even live together-, Dean shifted his thoughts to Ben, he didn’t need to start thinking about a more traditional relationship with Castiel, it would never be possible. He closed his eyes as he slid into the Impala, shook his head and then put his keys in the ignition, started the car and pulled out of the car lot to go home.

Over the next six months they met up at different locations and spent the weekend together, Lisa and Amelia both seemingly pleased that their husbands were socializing outside of work.

Everything was going well, and he found himself daydreaming about what life would be like if they were both free to be themselves, to not have to hide away from the world. Dean sighed as he shook himself out of his thoughts as he heard footsteps outside his office door, and he looked up to find Castiel stepping through his door with a bouquet of flowers in his hand.  He looked around the office and then to Castiel again, a little anxious since they agreed to stay away from where they worked, as a safety measure.

Dean stepped over to the office door and quickly closed and locked it.

“Is anything wrong?” he asked,

Castiel shook his head and smiled, “No, I was nearby; I’m just taking these to the cemetery; it’s my mother’s birthday today, “ he explained, and Dean nodded,

“And you thought you’d visit? What about our agreement to steer clear of places where we work?” Dean struggled to concentrate as he watched Castiel begin to smile wider.

“I don’t believe anyone will think anything other than two friends meeting.” Castiel placed the flowers on the chair and stepped towards Dean; who was stepping back until he reached the desk.

Dean laughed a little nervously; glancing at the door. “Friends? You think this is what friends do?” he gestured to Castiel’s hand which was unbuttoning Dean’s pants.

Castiel chuckled, “Relax…” he soothed and locked eyes with Dean, and he tried to exhale, but Cas took a firm grip of his quickly hardening erection.

He cleared his throat, “sure, that’s easy.” He muttered and leaned in to kiss Castiel

 It didn’t take long before Castiel was on his knees in front of him; making his legs shake, the risk of being caught was the furthest thing from his mind. All he could feel was the warmth of Cas mouth, the deliberate tongue swipes, and sharp sucking. He threw his head back as he felt himself slowly building to his climax and he gripped Castiel’s hair tightly; while his hips struggled against the restraint of Castiel’s one hand. “Cas…” He breathed out and then felt his legs give out. “Fuck.” He whispered as he filled Castiel’s mouth with his cum.

Castiel pulled Dean’s pants back up and grinned, kissed him on the lips and then turned around to pick up the flowers.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” He asked, and Dean nodded; slowly regaining his mind, he watched Castiel open the door, and then winked before he disappeared into the hallway.

He stared at the door as he zipped and buttoned his pants and re-buttoned his shirt and straightened his tie.

 That was not something he expected; he liked it, but it also scared him, if someone had knocked on the door, it was way too risky.

He spent the rest of the day trying to focus on his work, but all he could think about was Castiel, and then felt the guilt when Lisa or Ben entered into his thoughts. The more he was falling deeper and deeper in love with Cas, the worse he felt about his wife and his stepson. This thing, what they had, it couldn’t ever amount to anything more, and that hurt more than he wanted to admit to himself.

\-----------------------------------------

 

Dean stepped into the elevator on his way out of the office and pulled out his mobile to shoot off a text message to Castiel.

Dean: Hey, you know what today is?

Castiel: No, should I?

Dean: We’ve been together for a year! How can you not remember?

Dean stared at his mobile, feeling a little embarrassed, that he remembered and Cas didn’t remember the first of the many weekends away.

Castiel: Oh, we’re counting from then?  I’ve always calculated it from the time at the expo when we first met, that explains why you never said anything six months ago. I have us at 20 months.

Dean: Can we like really count the time before? We didn’t see each other for a lot of that time. Anyways, it doesn’t matter; do you want to go out for dinner tonight? We can go back to that restaurant that we went to back last year.

Castiel: What time?

Dean: Eight? I’m about to leave work, I’ve already told Lisa that I’m going out tonight for a drink with some guys at work. I’ll pick you up near the Gas N sip then, what do you think?

Castiel: It’s a date.

 Dean smiled as the doors of the elevator opened, and he stepped out to go to his car.

 

By 7:45 Dean was ready, and Lisa was settling down on the lounge with another book,  and he tried to sneak past the door, to avoid her seeing him dressed in a suit, but he wasn’t quiet enough.

“Hold up!” she called out, and he took three steps backward until he was in the doorway.

“What?” He asked, impatiently.

“You’re meeting your pals from work in that?” She asked

He nodded, “Yeah, we’re going to some upscale place, Jim said it was a suit and tie kind of deal.”

Lisa raised her eyebrow, and he licked his lip, hoping she wouldn’t ask any other questions, she grinned. “Wow, I need to meet these guys if they can get you into a suit and tie outside of work.”

Dean half smiled and shrugged his shoulders, “I’ll be home late, so don’t wait up.” He stepped through the door and leaned down and kissed her chastely on the cheek; smiled and left the house before she could say anything else, and shoved the guilt that was starting to rise, down as much as he could and thought about Cas; his blue eyes and perfect smile that always brightened the room.

He made it to the Gas N sip a few minutes early and waited for Castiel to pull in beside him in his pimpmobile as he teasingly called it when Cas first showed up in it.

He watched as Castiel got out of his car, locked it and then ran around to the passenger side and slid in.

“You good?” Dean asked as he saw the concern in Castiel’s eyes.

Castiel nodded and looked over at the windows of the store, “Yeah, everything’s good, I hope no one notices my car.”

Dean huffed out a small laugh and reversed out of the parking space and then onto the main road. “If anyone says anything, deny it. “

Castiel shook his head but smiled, “I don’t think the surveillance cameras would cover for me.”

Dean let out a howl of laughter, a little excessive and it made Cas jump, but he was just happy to hear Castiel's voice, to be going out for dinner and spend some time with him.

They ate Dinner and had a couple of beers, and by the time they were back in the car and heading back to Castiel’s car Dean didn’t want the night to end so quickly and pulled off the main road to a lookout that he saw on the way to the restaurant.  It was empty, but he pulled the car into a parking space a distance from the main lookout area anyway and turned off the engine.

He turned in his seat to look at Castiel; who’s cheeks were a little rosy, his eyes glassed over from the couple of drinks he had, and he smiled and lifted his hand to stroke at the reddened cheek; feeling the heat beneath his fingers.

“I miss us when we’re not together.” He whispered, feeling the warm buzz of the alcohol, he wasn’t drunk; not even close to tipsy but there was fuzziness to his vision.

Castiel smiled; almost shyly which added to what he was feeling, he leaned over and kissed Castiel gently and waited for Castiel to respond before moving over on the bench seat to be closer.

The kiss turned from gentle to urgent quickly, and Dean pulled back breathing heavily and glanced over to the back seat before climbing over clumsily. Castiel barked out a laugh but followed him into the back seat, and Dean was on him almost immediately; ripping at Cas’s clothes and his own, wanting to feel their bodies bare and touching. He felt a need that he hadn’t felt in a long time and if it were possible, he would have melted into Cas.

Castiel let out a growl and pushed Dean away enough that he could adjust himself so Dean could straddle him and then pulled him back down into a deeper kiss.

Dean groaned into Castiel’s mouth as he rolled his hips, feeling Cas’s erection against his clothed ass.

He pulled back and undid his pants and then turned his attention to Castiel’s; clumsily attempting to pull them down and falling forward in his haste.

Castiel giggled at Dean’s frantic attempts and helped to remove the remainder of their clothes. “So very needy, Dean.”

Dean growled, “Just shut up and kiss me you dick.”

Castiel groaned at the demand and lifted his hips to meet Dean’s, rutting against his ass.

It didn’t take long for Cas to prep Dean and then watch in awe of Dean’s features, and body in the moonlight as Dean lowered himself down onto him, and he moaned at the tight heat suddenly surrounding him.

They remained still for a moment, their bodies adjusting to the sensations and then Dean started slowly, riding Castiel as he leaned down to kiss him.

The car squeaked and moved as Dean picked up his rhythm and the windows steamed up; preventing any passer-by to see inside easily. 

Dean was thankful for that, although, in the heat of the moment, he didn’t care, it wasn’t until after that he realized the risk that they took in doing what they did in a public place.

By the time they got back to Castiel’s car, both men had looked like they had run a marathon, tired, hair messed up and lips swollen and red but neither cared.

Castiel glanced over to his car but didn’t move, Dean watched him for some time, knowing that he was feeling the same way as he did; he didn’t want to say goodbye, didn’t want to go home without him.

Castiel sighed and then made a move to open the door, Dean tugged at his other arm, “Cas, hold up.”

Castiel turned to look at him, and he wanted to tell him to stay, they could go away together, they didn’t have to say goodbye, maybe even move to another town, fuck the risks, fuck his family, but then, there was Lisa and Ben who didn’t deserve this, neither did Amelia and Castiel's kids. “We will see each other next weekend yeah?”

Castiel’s expression dropped, but then recovered, and he nodded.

Dean looked at the Surveillance camera, wishing he could turn it off so he could kiss the man beside him.

“Bye Dean,” Castiel drew his attention back, and he nodded. “See ya Cas,” he whispered as Castiel opened the door and stepped out.

He waited for Castiel to get into his car before he waved and reversed out of his parking space and went home.

The next day was long; Dean couldn’t focus on anything other than Castiel, every email he read, every conversation he had was distant; he barely registered what was said.

By five he was happy to leave work, and head home. He filed the last of the documents he had on his desk and left his office; jumping when he found someone waiting for him; leaning against the wall, smirking at him.

“Meg, what are you doing here?” he asked as he looked around to see who was around.

“I was passing by and thought I’d drop in and say hi. “

“Well, you’ve now said "Hi," so you can now leave.”

“Nope, I’m not going anywhere until you, and I have a little chat.” Meg stepped away from the wall, and turned towards the fire escape door, then turned back, “but nowhere.” She pulled open the door and stepped through.

Dean looked up and down the corridor and then followed after her; feeling his pulse quicken. Whatever she had to say, wasn’t going to be good.

He followed her down four flights of stairs and then through the door into the storeroom.

“Rumors are really starting to fly about Castiel. My curiosity sure got revved up.”  She smirked and pulled her hand out of her pocket and handed him a photograph.

Dean reluctantly looked at the photograph, and he felt his heart speed up as he stared down at a photo and him and Castiel together, in an alleyway, kissing.

 “So, I hired a private investigator.” She smiled, and he swallowed hard, feeling like he was about to have an anxiety attack.

“What do you want Meg?” he asked, there must be a reason for her showing him the photo.

“Now that you mention it, there’s something you can do, in return for me keeping this little thing to myself.”

She sat down on the storage boxes behind her, and he shook his head, “Castiel, is your best friend, you can’t be seriously trying to blackmail me.”

“Oh, but it’s because Clarence is my best friend that I’m doing this. “

 “You see, we’ve been best buddies through high school, through his heartbreaks, through the whole shit-fest with his father and his asshole brothers. And you know what?”

Dean remained silent, glaring at her.

“After everything he has been through, he finally had- has stability; with Amelia. If he and you continue this,” she gestured towards the photo.

“He will lose everything, his family, his girls, and his inheritance. He will have nothing left. “

Dean crossed his arms; he knew what they both were risking, he did nothing but think about it when he was away from Cas.

“So here’s my deal, you’re going to call Castiel and tell him that it’s over; that you can’t keep doing it to yours and his wife. “

“And if I don’t,” He asked, jutting his chin out defiantly.

“If you don’t, your wife will receive a copy of this photo, among some other interesting photos.”

“You wouldn’t do that to Cas!” He growled out, trying to keep his voice low

“No, I wouldn’t, but neither would you…” Dean stared at her, grinding his teeth.

Meg sighed, “Lisa doesn’t know what Castiel looks like, does she?”

Dean tilted his head; waiting for her to continue.

“Well, I figure that you wouldn’t tell your little wife who you have been sleeping with, so, you see, Castiel will be fine.”

He shook his head and turned and stepped out of the door, “I’ll take that as a yes.” She shouted from the room.

He rushed up the stairs; a mixture of emotions rushing through him; the urge to punch something, the urge to scream and the urge to cry.

He drove home; not paying much attention to the road as he replayed the whole conversation with Meg.

He didn’t have a choice; he had to end things with Cas, there was no way Lisa would find out about him and Cas, especially not by someone sending her a photo.

He pulled into the driveway and sat staring out of the front window; trying to get himself under control.

There was no other way; and yet, he felt like he couldn’t do it.

He loved Cas, but he loved Ben and Lisa too. He couldn’t let Lisa down, and he couldn’t hurt Ben. Lisa would prevent him from seeing Ben. She would kick him out of the house and where could he go?

He couldn’t go to Cas; he had his own family.

He sighed and pushed his door open, pulled out his briefcase and stepped into the house.

“Hey, I’m home.” He called out as he put his case on to the ground and moved through the house, looking into the rooms until he stepped through to the kitchen.

Lisa was sitting at the table with something in her hands, and she looked serious.

“Lis’?” he asked cautiously; praying that she didn’t have a photo of him and Cas in her hand. God knows if Meg would have already sent it to her by hand delivery.

Lisa slowly looked up at him, and she gave a sad smile.  “Dad’s in hospital, he had a stroke. I’m going to um, take Ben with me and go see him tomorrow; I won’t be back until next week.”

Dean moved forward to stand beside her. “Shit, Lisa, I’m sorry. Stay there as long as you need.” He leaned down and hugged her, holding her close.

She pulled back from him and gave him a watery smile, “You’ll be alright here on your own?”

Dean smiled, “I know how to take care of myself. Don’t worry about me, take care of yourself.” He squeezed her hand and turned to the kitchen.

 “Tonight, I’m going to make dinner.” he declared as he shoved all thoughts of Meg and Castiel to the back of his mind.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Dean paced his home office; he was supposed to meet Cas at the cabin, but if he did,  the risk of losing his family, for disappointing and letting Lisa down was so damn high, he couldn’t do it to them, and he didn’t trust Meg.

Castiel told him to ignore her; to leave it to him, but what if she didn’t listen to him? What if she said something to Lisa and then, then what? Cas wouldn’t leave his family, and he wouldn’t want him to.   
He risked losing everything; including Cas.

He had to stop seeing Castiel.  He would lose him anyway, but this way he wouldn’t destroy other peoples lives with it.   
He picked up the phone and Called Castiel’s mobile.

“Dean, I’m at the cabin waiting-"

  
“Cas, I can’t do it anymore; I can’t see you; it’s just too much of a risk.”

  
“Dean, we’ve talked about this, I told you I would speak to Meg;  I’m meeting her on-"

  
“It doesn’t matter, even if you speak to her, and she says she won’t… Can you guarantee she won’t? She could change her mind, even if she agreed to say nothing."

  
He heard Castiel sigh, “I’m sorry Cas; I just can’t do this to my family.”  
The line was quiet for a moment before Castiel responded, “Very well, if this is what you want, then I have to respect your decision. “

 

  
Dean closed his eyes, fighting the urge to tell him that he didn’t want it; that he wanted to be there at the cabin for the weekend, and he swallowed back the words and focused on saying out loud the next two words, “Bye Cas.” He disconnected before he changed his mind and then stared at the wall; his world suddenly dark and suffocating and a feeling of his heart falling through his rib cage, down to his stomach.  He gulped air as he tried to breathe calmly, it was over.

He and Castiel were over with, and Castiel gave up without so much as a plea; not that he expected it, but it felt, incomplete. 

He stood stock still, and when he tried to move, his legs felt leaden. What was he doing, he trusted Castiel, right?

Of course, he did, but-but what?   
He didn’t trust Meg.

He didn’t trust that she would stay quiet, that she would leave Lisa out of her twisted idea of what happiness for Cas was.   
She was right.  

Castiel went through hell with his father, and before he came along, Cas was happy, then he waltzed in and destroyed it for Castiel; he deserved better.

Dean finally found himself pacing the floor; not sure when his legs began moving again, inwardly debating his decision; arguing back and forth the pros and cons of seeing each other and staying away. 

  
By the time Dean picked up his car keys, he knew he couldn’t live without Castiel, and rushed out of the house, without stopping to think about what he was doing,  all that he knew was why he was doing it.   
He loved Castiel more than he thought he

could love anyone. 

A love that was different than the love for his family; the type of love that leaves a person breathless when they see the person, a love that made a person forget about everything else in their world; forget about their past and future. 

Every time he saw Castiel it all disappeared, and it was just him and Castiel in that single moment. There was no wife, no children,  no hurt, no painful memories of abandonment and loss. It was everything he didn’t think existed outside of the movies and books. 

He got into his car and quickly turned his engine on and planted his foot to the floor and sped off away from the curb. He didn’t go to the cabin; Castiel would be home already, so he drove over to his house, he didn’t know what he would do once he got there, but he knew that he needed to see him. 

Dean fixed his eyes on the road; glancing down to the speed gauge occasionally; seeing the speedometer go up by another 10 miles each time. He needed to tell Castiel how he felt.

He pulled up outside of Castiel's house and glanced through the window, and he caught a glimpse of him and then noticed Amelia coming into view; with whom Dean recognized from the photos as Emily. 

  
He stepped out of his car; watching, glued to the family scene in front of him, and then he froze.

What was he doing? Cas had a family, and from the way he looked smiling at both Amelia and his daughter, he was happy; maybe it meant nothing to him.

He didn’t seem at all affected by their break up. Dean closed his eyes and shook his head.

He was an idiot. He got back into his car and pulled away from the curb. 

  
He would stay away from Castiel and his family. It was about time he focused on his marriage and family, and push the whole affair with Castiel out of his mind.

_________________________________

                Castiel stared out of the Gas and Sip front window; over to the parking space that Dean's car would take up when he came to visit him during his lunch break when he was working at the store.

It had been eight weeks four days and 18 hours since he last heard from Dean, and it wasn’t getting any easier; everything reminded him of the man. His relationship with Amelia; he tried to return to normal; meals with his family, special days at the park, movie nights, webcam when he was away, but no matter how much he tried to return everything to before he met Dean,  it changed nothing. 

Things with Amelia weren’t getting any better; he tried to act normal in front of their children, but he knew that she could sense something was wrong.

  
Then she had upped and left with his daughters to visit her mother in Arizona for two weeks to give them some breathing space and time to think.

  
It was quiet at home, and he felt lonely; no one to talk to about what was happening, and how much he missed Dean.  

He wasn’t talking to Meg after she blackmailed Dean, and he had no other friends who knew about them.

He looked at his watch, thank god; it was almost time for the shift to change over; he could then go home to his empty cold house, where he was going to make dinner, sit and eat on his own, and then go to bed too early and wake up and come back to work.

He thought about calling Dean on many occasions but chickened out; especially after the last time Dean called and made it clear it was a mistake that he called, and they shouldn’t talk anymore.

Thirty minutes later, he closed the door to his house and put his keys on the table beside it and moved through his house; turning on lights.

He was miserable, lost and lonely.

  
He stood at the island counter of his kitchen and looked around, sighed and moved to shut off the lights again, took a quick shower and went to bed.

Across town, Dean sat beside Lisa, trying to focus on Sleepless in Seattle and all he could think about was Cas.  It wasn’t for the first time, and Lisa was becoming more concerned about him distancing himself from everything.

He explained it away with having new clients at work; having more responsibility for the new position making everything a little overwhelming. Lisa brought it, and he was thankful.

 

  
He found himself driving past the Gas and sip and taking his attention off driving to see if Cas was working on his way to work, and then again, on his way home.

  
He started avoiding going to bed at the same time as Lisa; hanging back until she was asleep and then slipped into bed, and if she woke up, he feigned being asleep; even though he lay awake most nights for hours and only catching a few hours of sleep each night.

Weekends he spent most of the days in the backyard and most of the nights staring at his mobile or daydreaming while he watched a movie like he was now.

His marriage was rapidly falling apart, like a train that lost its brakes and was smashing into each station on its way past.

  
It wasn’t fair on Lisa, nor was it fair on Ben, but nothing he tried to do to get it back on track worked.

He was living in a loveless marriage; he always was. He didn’t realize it; or maybe he did, and he was lying his way through his life until he met Cas. He had a duty that carried over from taking care of Sam, and once Sam was gone; he needed someone he could take care of, and Lisa was there; it was the answer to his unspoken prayers.

He never lived for himself, all he ever knew was how to live for others. His father, his brother, Lisa and Ben.

He didn’t know how to change it, how could he stop the wheels and turn his course in his life?

How could he walk away from two people who needed him, in pursuit of his selfish happiness?

  
He couldn’t.

  
And it wasn’t just his life he would be selfishly trying to change; it would be Lisa’s, Bens, Amelia’s, Emily and Claire's life and not forgetting Castiel’s.

He snapped out of his thoughts and jumped when he felt a cold hand touch his own.

  
“Dean?” Lisa asked gently,  
Dean turned to look at her, her features slowly coming into focus. “Hmm?”  
“Are you alright?”  
He licked his lips and nodded, “Yeah, sorry, I, uh, was thinking about a meeting I have tomorrow, it’s an important big corporate one, and a lot is riding on it.”

He wasn’t lying, there was a big meeting, but he wasn’t stressing over it.  
“How does a hot bath with candle's sound?” Lisa replied, softly.

  
He nodded and offered her a slight smile.

She pushed off from the sofa, and he watched as she moved up the stairs to the bathroom.

He sat back and stared at the television for a few minutes before he pushed himself up to standing and slowly made his way up to the bathroom.

  
Lisa stood beside the bathtub, lighting the candles and moved over to him.

“Don’t stress too much about the meeting; you’ll be fine. You’re great at what you do. Now, go soak for a while.” She pointed to the bathtub and smiled then leaned in and kissed him gently.

“Thank you.” He whispered and stepped past her towards the bath.

He heard the door shut behind him, and he slowly shed his clothing and stepped into the bath.

 Castiel lay on his bed; staring up at the shadows that danced on his ceiling. He couldn’t sleep.

The house was quiet; except the creaks of the roof above him, the air was still outside. The silence was deafening.

He glanced over at his mobile on the nightstand and considered sending Dean a message, but then shook his head and looked back at the ceiling. No, he couldn’t contact him.

He could call Amelia, but she would probably be asleep.

  
After ten more minutes, he picked up his phone and scanned his contacts until he reached his brothers name and decided to text him.

  
“You awake? I need to talk to someone.” He thought over his decision for some time but then pressed to send and waited..  
After a few minutes, his phone buzzed, and he picked it up from where it was laying on his chest and read the response.  
“What’s up, bro?”  
He pressed to reply, “You alone?  I need to talk to you.”  then pushed the send button.   
His phone rang, and he answered, “Gabe.”  
“Hey bro, what’s going on? You’re up late.”  
He sighed, “Yeah, there’s something that you should know,”

Gabriel scoffed, “Don’t tell me Ice queen is pregnant again.”

Castiel shook his head, “How many times have I told you not to call her that. However, no Amelia isn’t pregnant.”

"You’re getting a divorce then?”  
  
“No… Do you know why Dad wanted me to marry Amelia?”

  
Gabriel was silent for a few beats and then sighed, “Yes; we all do. What’s that got to do with anything?”  
“Gabe, I met someone.”

  
It was quiet, and he waited for almost half a minute before he asked, “Gabe?”

“Yeah, I’m here bro, what do you mean you’ve met someone?”

  
“What do you think it means? I met someone, and I’m in love with them, and I don’t know what to do. If I left Amelia,  you know what would happen.”

“Wait… when you say you met someone, you mean, like a dude?”  
He sighed; frustrated. “Yes, why else would I bring up dad making me marry Amelia.”

“Cassie, when you rebel, you don’t go in halfway; you’re not wrong, if you leave ice queen for this dude, Michael and Raph will be on it like hawks; dissolving your shares in the company and well... You’ll be on your own.”

Castiel bit his lip.”And what about you?”  
Gabriel sighed, “well, you know I love you, and you know how much those two annoy the fuck out of me; I’ll stand by you, of course. Mike and Raph will try to demand me not to contact you; they’ll fail. However, if I do disobey them, you know, they’ll try to find a loophole to push me out of the company, so whatever I do. It will have to be low-key. I support whatever choice you make.”

Cas smiled slightly, “Thank’s Gabe.”

“So, who is he,  how did you meet him, and is it serious?”

Castiel shook his head and rolled his eyes, “I’m not saying, we met at the annual expo, and no; it’s over.”

Gabriel made a strange sound before replying, “Wait, if it’s over, what was the point of this?”

“It’s over because he didn’t want his wife and child to find out, and he doesn’t want me losing my family.”

“He has a family too?” disapproval was thick in Gabriel's voice.

  
“Yes, but it’s not that simple; he married his best friend when she found out she was pregnant when he was 19, the child isn’t his, but he has been raising him as his own.”  
  
“Cas, that’s no excuse for what he’s doing, He chose to marry her, and he made a choice when he took responsibility for her child. At least with you, dad made you marry; you didn’t exactly get a choice to marry the ice-“  
“Gabe, don’t call her that."  
“Fine, Amelia. “  
  
“Does that mean you no longer support it?” Castiel asked, worrying his lip. 

  
Gabriel sighed, “No; it doesn’t mean that. You’re an adult, and he’s an adult. It's your life and your choice, no one can tell you it’s wrong, or you should or shouldn’t do something; although I’m telling you that you shouldn’t. You could ruin everyone’s lives, and it might turn out to be nothing between you.  Just think about it for a while,  weigh up the pros and cons of leaving Amelia before you do it. “ Gabriel paused, “If I were you, I would start taking some of the company money and putting it into another account, so you have something to tide you over if you do end things.”

Castiel chewed on his cheek, “Thanks, Gabe.” He replied,  
“Anytime bro, “  
 “Gabe?”  
“Yes?”  
“Please keep all this to yourself.”  
“Yeah, like I was going to share it with anyone else and be responsible for destroying your life. When this comes out- and if you aren’t careful, it will come out whether you want it to or not; it will be you to blame. “

  
“Thanks for your vote of confidence,” Castiel responded dryly.  
“Anytime. Well, g'night Cassie.”

  
“Yeah, good night Gabriel, and thank you again.”

Castiel sighed and pulled up Dean’s number and stared at it for a few seconds; wanting nothing but to call and hear his voice, he shook his head and tossed his mobile on to the side cupboard and adjusted his position until he was comfortable.

He slowly fell to sleep, and by the time his alarm went off in the morning, he felt like he hadn’t slept at all.  
 He sighed and pushed himself out of bed and moved to the bathroom to relieve himself and to check himself in the mirror, under his eyes were bruised and puffy from the lack of sleep, and his hair was sticking up everywhere. 

  
Castiel sighed; he was a real mess without Dean, and with that thought, he suddenly felt lonelier as if everything was gone and all that was there, was a shell of the man he once was. 

  
He sighed and turned the shower on, and then undressed, and stepped into it.

  
 By seven-thirty, he was dressed and left to go to the Gas N Sip, feeling like his eyes were surrounded by puffy cushions.

He remained in his office the whole day, not wanting people noticing the bags under his eyes, and the lack of enthusiasm; he just wanted to get the orders through to the suppliers and get through the emails he received over the day before.

He kept himself busy in the morning, but by the afternoon, he couldn’t stay at the store and left for the day. He reached his car, and his mobile started to ring; he tumbled around to open his car door and then pulled out his mobile and stood stunned; staring at Dean’s name flashing on his screen.

He threw his case into the car and answered the call.  
“Dean?” he asked.

“Um, Yeah, Hi, I, um… Hmm,  I got the wrong number. I’m sorry.”  
“Are you okay, Dean?” he asked; concerned, by the way Dean’s voice wobbled a little.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Like I said, I got the wrong number.”

“Oh, okay-"  Castiel looked at his mobile as Dean hung up. He sighed and slid into his car and shook his head.  

He had to move on from Dean, work on his family; it was clear that things with him, and Dean were over.

  
He pulled out of the car lot and headed home.

He called Amelia; he needed to hear her voice, by the time the phone call was over, Amelia told him that she wasn’t coming home for another couple of weeks because her mother was sick.

Things were not going well; he was feeling the loneliness more and more and for the first time since meeting Dean. 

  
He wished he could go back to before they met and somehow change it so they would never have.

LIfe may not have been perfect; It may have been only half the color of what it should be, but it was a happier life; which had a purpose, work and family; Fulfilling his duties to his fathers wishes. Passion, lust, love was not something he craved.

 When he got home after work he didn't bother eating, he was tired but the night was long and sleepless, and by the time his alarm clock ticked over to six, he threw back his blankets and pushed himself to stand and squinted at the light that beamed through the crack in the curtain. 

Six hours of tossing and turning and thinking of nothing else but the situation with Dean, he still hadn’t come up with any idea of how he could put it all behind him permanently. 

He sighed and stepped into the bathroom to relieve himself and to shower, by the time he was dressed and went downstairs to the kitchen, he felt a lot more awake than he had the morning before when he had slept. 

He got to the Gas N Sip before anyone else and opened the store, turning on lights and fans, counted and placed the petty cash into the registrars and prepared the coffee pots and slushie machines. 

It was quiet, and he stared out the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Impala as Dean drove past towards work, but the Impala never drove past. He glanced around the store until his eyes rested on the product display that he and Dean had worked on; half the shelves were thinned out; he was expecting a new delivery that morning.   
  
By the time midday came and went, he was busier and barely had time to take a break with the rush of people who were either filling their cars with gas for the weekend ahead or getting lottery tickets for the massive jackpot for the week. 

 

                              ----------------------- 

Outside and out of view, Dean stared through the window of the Gas N’ Sip, debating going inside. Life was hell; he couldn’t sleep, eat or focus on his work. His marriage was practically over; he slept on the sofa or in the guest room more often than not, telling Lisa that he didn’t want to disturb her when he went to bed, or he fell asleep on the sofa. 

They barely hugged, and when they sat together, they barely spoke.   
They were trying though; trying to work through whatever the breakdown was, but Dean didn’t have the energy to pretend he was happily married to someone he loved. 

He did love Lisa, but not the way he was supposed to, but more like a best friend kind of love. 

He chewed on his lower lip, and watched as Castiel passed a bag to a customer and the smile he offered made Dean’s stomach flip; he wanted to be the person that Castiel was smiling towards.

 He wanted to be the one that he was talking to, and it occurred to him; he was jealous of every customer whom Castiel was serving. 

He glanced to either side of him and shut his car door and stepped into the station. He wasn’t going to put it off any longer; he missed Cas way too much. 

He pushed to open the door of the store and suddenly felt nervous; he moved between the aisles of the products; ducking out of sight as one customer was served and stepped out of the view, and then another customer took the first customers place; ready to be served.   
He swallowed hard, straining to hear Castiel’s voice, and before he knew it, he stood in line waiting to be served, and he kept his eyes on Castiel; not wanting to look away after being away from him for so long. 

  
His nerves calmed with each step forward until he was standing in front of Castiel. 

His heart leaped as Castiel straightened up and froze when he saw him; his nerves suddenly back and he could feel his heart slamming practically against his ribs, but he kept his face as calm as possible; smiling. 

Castiel glanced around the store and then back to him. “Dean, what are you doing here?” he asked; sounding a little unnerved. 

  
Dean paused; confused before he regained his composure and quickly running through possible answers, “I’ve come to buy some Menthols.” He responded and realized how stupid that sounded; he didn’t smoke and Cas knew it. 

  
Castiel raised his eyebrow, and Dean couldn’t help but smile widely.   
“Okay, that was probably a stupid excuse. We- I need to talk to you, when do you finish?”

  
Castiel glanced around the store, and leaned forward and answered in a low whisper, “I finish in ten minutes. “

Dean nodded and looked out the door to his car and then back to Castiel; taking in his features before he responded, “I’ll meet you out front in my car in ten minutes then?” 

Castiel nodded minutely, his eyes shifting towards the sales associate who was stepping through from the storeroom, and behind the register area. 

Dean smiled and left the store; his hands felt clammy, and his heart would not calm down. What he was about to do next would either make him whole again, or it was going to destroy him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Happy ending - https://www.youtube.com/edit?o=U&video_id=MtQi-26eGfQ
> 
> Tragic ending - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNNZWg-rCHs
> 
> Note: The music is slow, its been used for the atmosphere feel of it. ❤


End file.
